Sandy Lindsey - Seven Out of Ten Missing Fishhooks Will Eventually Be Found in an Anglers Thumb: A Book of Fishing Humor
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- Book:Seven Out of Ten Missing Fishhooks Will Eventually Be Found in an Anglers Thumb: A Book of Fishing Humor
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Seven Out of Ten Missing Fishhooks Will Eventually Be Found in an Anglers Thumb: A Book of Fishing Humor: summary, description and annotation
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A delightfully engaging compendium of wild and wacky angling humor, this frolicking volume is packed with far-out Top Ten lists, clever quizzes and witty parodies. Written for fervent fishermen by a dedicated angler, this charming book will catch them hook, line, and sinker.
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To my husband, Bill, who lured me into fishing.
10 Clues That Taking Your Teenage
Nephew Fishing Isnt as Good an Idea as You Originally Thought
If you cant laugh at fishing,
you cant laugh at anything.
S OPHOCLES S KUNKED A GAIN THE G REEK
During boring meetings at the office, you practice tying knots under the table.
You started a write-in campaign to nominate George Poveromos video Successful Bait Rigging for an Academy Award.
You turned your bathtub into a giant livewell so that you can go out for a few days ahead of a big tournament and stock up on bait fish.
If you had your way, youd decorate the family Christmas tree with plugs, chuggers, jigs, and flies.
Instead of snoring, your wife/girlfriend/dog says that your mouth mimics fish lips all night long.
You plan on naming your future children Penn, Ande, Stren, and Star-brite.
Your wardrobe consists mainly of T-shirts purchased at fishing seminars.
Youve cleaned out the kitchen pantry and now use it to store your lures, color coded by shelf.
You eat chili out of the can with a Drone spoon from which you have removed the hook.
Every week you submit a new entry to the Fishing Hall of Shame. (And youre getting quite upset that they continue to deny you admission.)
Catch and Release | The act of tossing excess fish overboard right before the local fish and game officer pulls over a boat that has caught over its limit. |
Hook | (1) A curved piece of metal used to catch fish. (2) A clever advertisement to entice a fisherman to spend his life savings on a new rod and reel. (3) The punch administered by said fishemans wife after he spends their life savings on new tackle (see also Right Hook, Left Hook). |
Line | Something you give your coworkers when they ask on Monday how your fishing went the past weekend. |
Lure | An object that is semienticing to fish, but will drive an angler into such a frenzy that he will charge his credit card to the limit before exiting the tackle shop. |
Reel | A weighted object that causes a rod to sink quickly when dropped overboard. |
Rod | An attractively painted length of fiberglass that keeps an angler from ever getting too close to a fish. |
School | A grouping in which fish are taught to avoid your $29.99 lures and hold out for Spam instead. |
Tackle | What your last catch did to you as you reeled him in, but just before he wrestled free and jumped back overboard. |
Tackle Box | A box shaped alarmingly like your comprehensive first-aid kit. Only a tackle box contains many sharp objects, so that when you reach into the wrong box blindly to get a Band-Aid, you soon find that you need more than one. |
Test | (1) The amount of strength a fishing line affords an angler when fighting fish in a specific weight range. (2) A measure of your creativity in blaming that damn line for once again losing the fish. |
You know that huge fish you just let get away? Ive got him on my line now.
I thought you were bringing the beer.
Im afraid the engine repair isnt going to be as simple as we first thought.
Your tackle box is back at the dock.
The dead bait is moving.
Have you had a doctor look at that ugly sun spot on the back of your neck?
Dont worry, well figure out whats wrong with your outboard.
I think the word youre looking for is skunked, you know, down for the count, 0 for 10, struck out, bombe d .. .
I dont know if we have enough gas to make it back to the weigh-in.
Where could that rod we were just trolling with have gone?
I think my line is tangled with yoursagain.
Can you leave the boat here at the shop for a few more days? Were getting much closer to diagnosing the real problem.
You dont mind if I use roadkill instead of a more traditional bait, do you?
Sorry you didnt catch any fish today. You can have one of mine. Ive got more than enough.
I just drank the last beer.
I know it seems like its taken forever to fix your boat, but dont worry, were not going to charge you for dry storage. However, you do owe us fo r .. .a n d .. .a n d .. .a n d .. .
From a male fishing partner: I just wanted you to know that I think of you as much, much more than just a fishing buddy.
The Ideal Fishing Trip | ||
Reality | ||
7 A . M . | Depart from the dock.The weather is perfect. The water is perfect. Your cooler is filled with your favorite chilled beer. | You get to the dock only to realize that you left the boat keys at home. (Return home. Do Not Pass Go. Do Not Collect $200.) |
8 A . M . | Youve caught your first fish of the day and its a beauty. You start planning the guest list for tonights fish fry. | Back at the dock with keys in hand: An ominous dark cloud passes overhead. You open your cooler to find that the lid wasnt shut tight and your beer is getting warm. You stiffen your resolve and head out anyway. |
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