Leo Cullum - Suture Self: A Book of Medical Cartoons by New Yorker Cartoonist Leo Cullum

Suture Self copyright 2009 by Leo Cullum. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of reprints in the context of reviews. Andrews McMeel Publishing, LLC
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Library of Congress Control Number: 2008935762
ATTENTION: SCHOOLS AND BUSINESSES Andrews McMeel books are available at quantity discounts with bulk purchase for educational, business, or sales promotional use. For information, please email the Andrews McMeel Publishing Special Sales Department: This book is dedicated to good friends and good doctors: Irv and Marcy Frankel; Joe Giacinto; Tom and Pat Gamble; Greg Hodal; Jim and Rosemary Bell; Phil Martorelli; Pete OConnor; Doug Ryan; Frank Garvey; Mark Brown; Kay Lenz; Cliff and Cecelia Waeschle; Gayle and Sid Minnick; Sandy and Terry Ronan; Jonathan and Genny Banks; Leonard Skurro; Carrieann Carson; Christine and Dennis Rodgerson; Greg, Lynnrae, and all the McClintocks; Doug Seay; Art Tozzi; Bob Beavis; Hannah, Judith, and Van Schley; Lisa and Larry Waldinger; Caroline and Sidney Kimmel; Charles Tobias; Debi and Danny Boyle; Casey Sander; Dave Thomas; Edward Edwards; Rupert and Karen Hitzig; Carl Volante; David Hardie; Marcus Berry; Evan Nicholas; and Tom Cullum. Dr.

Barry Rosenbloom, Dr. Ed Phillips, Dr. Steven Colquhoun, Dr. Zev Wainberg, Dr. Ross Donehower, Dr. Lisa Benya, Dr.

Tom Hirsch, Dr. James Sternberg, Mary Grace Brandon, Jose Ramirez, Sandy Labat, and all the staff at Tower Oncology. Most especially to my wife, Kathy, and my daughters, Kimberly and Kaitlin.

A book of doctor cartoons Why now? Why doctors? Well, now because I needed the $500 advance, and doctors because lawyers will sue in a heartbeat. And who wants to be a heartbeat away from a lawsuit or from a lawyer? Who are these people who want to probe other peoples naked bodies? At my gym, Ive seen several naked doctors but kept my hands to myself. From whence arises the desire to be a doctor? From a boundless intellectual curiosity, a deep wellspring of goodwill, a small black bag of altruism, a longing for a Mercedes? I have several friends who are doctors, and they seem normal enough or at least what passes for normal in Southern California.

I know Im their friend because Im allowed to call them by their first names. I do maintain a certain amount of deference toward them and occasionally slip into subservience, but that is something I should take up with my psychiatrist. They hardly seem to mind when, at lunch, Ill ask, Would you mind taking a look at this? Ive actually gotten second opinions from waiters. My mother wanted me to be a doctor. She really just wanted to say, My son, the doctor, which she said anyway. Doctor cartoonist Why quibble? Being a doctor might have been nicewalking around in pajamas OK, scrubs all day, accessing celebrities health records, cruising on the yacht, secure in the knowledge that, despite the numerous advances in preventative health care, people would continue to get sick.

Two roads diverged in a wood and I took the one less compensated. But, Im not complaining. OK, Im complaining. I just never had any desire to be a doctor. I am glad, though, we have so many dedicated and capable people who want to take on this demanding career. Lately Ive been in touch with a lot of doctors and, in spite of some of the drawings in this collection, I salute all the practitioners and supporters of the medical arts.

I have received excellent care. In fact, at my last appointment my doctor was able to report that I now have the bank account of a man half my age. Im feeling a tightness in my wallet.Its an experimental medicine. Were trying some at fourteen dollars and some at forty-nine.If a root canal doesnt hurt, it isnt being done right.Im taking my Viagra with Prozac. If it doesnt work I dont care.I found it! I mistakenly had you in the dead file.WaterDepthDeepDeepDepressed?Dr. Rosenbloom, from special operations, will do the surgery.Get rid of your cats.Turn his head to the right and cough.Of course Im a real doctor.

Would I be sticking you with this big needle if I were a clown?Would you step to the side? Theyre still doing CPR.You have an achey breaky heart.Your red and white blood cells are normal. Im worried about your ros cells.Of course I remember you, Dolores. Thats the trouble with partial amnesia.