Tim J. Myers - Rude Dudes Book of Food: Stories Behind Some of the Crazy-Cool Stuff We Eat

By Rude Dude

(Tim J. Myers)

Illustrated by Jess Smart Smiley

With love to my grandparents, Joe and Josie Huebert of Panama, Iowa, and Merv and Luella Myers from Fall City, Nebraska. I could never repay them for all those precious memories.

Warning

This book will probably make you very, very hungry!

Good luck with that.

Acknowledgements

Writers know more than most people do that it takes a village in every sense of the phrase. Research means tapping into the experience and expertise of others, usually strangerstaking precious things, as it were, out of their lives and labors. Its such an enrichment that I sometimes feel like a thief. And I never take it for granted.

So I want to thank the many authors and experts whose print or online works I consulted, or whom I spoke to either in person or via email. (Im continually amazed at how generous people are with their knowledge!)

I especially want to thank the following individuals for their research and/or for their reading of the manuscript and endorsements of it: Dr. Yasuko Nakamachi; Jennifer 8. Lee; Chef Jimmy Canora of Delmonicos; Dr. Marjorie Freedman of San Jose State University; Dr. Louis E. Grivetti, Professor Emeritus at the University of California-Davis; and Dr. Katharine Heintz, Dr. Barbara Burns, Dr. Christina Ri, and Dr. Lisa Kealhofer, all of my own Santa Clara University. These are some amazing people!

I also want to particularly thank the wonderful people at Snehas Restaurant in Sunnyvale, California, and all the restaurant people whove ever fed me and my family. The giving of food is, I think, a deeply good and human thing, and those who prepare and serve food to others are doing something beautiful to make the world a better place. Im filled with gratitude toward them.

And finally, I have to thank my family for the immeasurable fun, knowledge, and love weve shared over our decades of taking meals together.

Tim J. Myers

Santa Clara

2014

Chapter 1

Hey, Rude DudeWhyd You Write This Book?

Y o, people!

Rude Dude here. Hope youre doin great and feelin good and your feet dont itch. (Actually, I put that in because my left foot just started itching. AhhI scratchedthats better.)

I also hope youre not crazy-hungry, since you are kids, after all, and you probably sometimes feel like you could eat a horse and all that. Except, pleaseleave the horses alone!

The thing is, I cant really tell if youre hungry or not, because Im here and youre there. Maybe if I was there I could tellbecause youd have that hungry look that makes your eyes scrunch up and your mouth get all frowny. Or Id hear your stomachs growling like a dog who just spotted the mailman. Or youd be all, Rude Dude, were STARVING! You know, like baby birds chirping with their beaks open. Only I dont think youd be asking for worms and bugs. Wellmaybe youre THAT hungry.

Anyhooif you ARE hungry, I hope you get fed soon. If youre not, dont worry; by the time you finish this book, you will be. Because its all about FOOD, dudes!

But you probably figured that out from the title, huh?

Okayheres the deal. Rude Dude understands that sometimes history seems boring. But I swear to you on my Eternal Love of Pizza: history is very, VERY cool! If it seems boring, thats probably because youre not getting the whole story.

Because, dudes, thats what history really isa story. In fact, its THE story of everything and everybody! And theres nothing cooler than storiesyou know it, I know it, and the babies in their strollers know it.

Let me give you an examplejust a teenie-weenie one out of all the awesome stories that make up the Big Story of history. This one isnt about foodbut its about water.

Maybe youve heard of Alexander the Great; maybe you havent. But he was as real as you or me. He lived in Macedonia long ago, a kings son, and he conquered most of the known world. You know, got together a big army and took over different countriesfrom Greece all the way to India. (And this was at a time when the only thing faster than your own two feet was a horse!)

Okay, two things right off. First, Rude Dude thinks conquering is very uncoolbut some people back then thought it was a good thing to do. Second, maybe you think even this storys boring. OK, you might be saying, so dusty old Alexander was a hot-shot conqueror guy. Big snooze.

But just let me tell you a bit of the story. Heres how I heard it.

He and his army were crossing this huge, baking-hot desert in Central Asia, and theyd almost run out of water. The soldiers had none left, and they were sufferingbad. At one point, Alexander called a halt, and one of his servants came running up with some of the last water, carrying it in Alexanders helmet. The servant bowed and offered the water to his lord.

Alexander turned around, looked at all his parched and dusty men, then lifted the helmet... and poured the water out on the sand.

He didnt say a word, but they understood: he wouldnt drink till they all did.

Pretty cool, right? Like I said: history is stories. And even something as ordinary-seeming as food has lots of great stories that go along with it!

A cool little thing happened to me the other day. I was putting this empty bag of ravioli in the recycling bin when I noticed the picture on the front. You know, the kind of picture they put on grocery stuff to show whats inside and how yum-alicious it is. Since this was ravioli, it showed things like white cheese, tomatoes, and garlic. And that made me think of water buffalo and poison and World War II...

Do I sound crazy? Well, maybe I ama little. But thats not why I thought of these cool things. They popped into my head because theyre part of the amazing story of pasta (which youll hear about later).

Believe me, dudesthe history of food is just one bangin story after another!

Even the basic stuff is cool. Millions of years ago, the continents split apart from each other. Then they each ran off in a different direction like someone had just set off a stink bomb. Because of that, plants on the separate continents started evolving differently. Animals, too. So different kinds of food developed, separated by oceans. And of course, different people invented all kinds of different ways of preparing all this different stuff.

But when people started sailing those oceans and discovering other countries, the whole thing reversed. Today, we live in a world where different foods have spread all over the place! Wheat started in Europe, but now American farmers grow tons of it. Coffee began in Africa, but its now a major crop in Brazil, Java, and Jamaica. Rice is from Asia, but Texas and California now produce famous kinds of it. Peanuts and chocolateboth from the Americasare now big in West Africa. Chili peppers are famous in spicy Asian foods, and Ireland loves potatoesboth of which came from South America. Its just a big giant mash-up! (Heya little potato pun there! And it happened purely by accident!)