Shannon Dowler - Never Too Late: Your Guide to Safer Sex after 60

Never Too Late

A JOHNS HOPKINS PRESS HEALTH BOOK

Your Guide to Safer Sex after 60

Shannon Dowler, MD

JOHNS HOPKINS UNIVERSITY PRESS

BALTIMORE

Note to the Reader: This book is not meant to substitute for medical care, and treatment should not be based solely on its contents. Instead, treatment must be developed in a dialogue between the individual and their physician. The book has been written to help with that dialogue.

Drug dosage: The author and publisher have made reasonable efforts to determine that the selection of drugs discussed in this text conforms to the practices of the general medical community. The medications described do not necessarily have specific approval by the US Food and Drug Administration for use in the diseases for which they are recommended. In view of ongoing research, changes in governmental regulation, and the constant flow of information relating to drug therapy and drug reactions, the reader is urged to check the package insert of each drug for any change in indications and dosage and for warnings and precautions. This is particularly important when the recommended agent is a new and/or infrequently used drug.

Shannon Dowler, MD

All rights reserved. Published 2023

Printed in the United States of America on acid-free paper

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Johns Hopkins University Press

2715 North Charles Street

Baltimore, Maryland 21218

www.press.jhu.edu

Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available from the Library of Congress.

A catalog record for this book is available from the British Library.

ISBN: 978-1-4214-4633-2 (hardcover)

ISBN: 978-1-4214-4634-9 (paperback)

ISBN: 978-1-4214-4635-6 (ebook)

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Never Too Late

MARY WAS WIDOWED at a relatively young agein her early 60sfollowing a decade of her husbands chronic illness. Her sex life had long since ceased and, after his death, she assumed she was done with love and intimacy. She felt blessed for what she had experienced in her marriage and certainly did not expect another chapter like the first. After a period of grieving, Mary settled into a solitary life, being a support to her adult children and grandchildren, gardening, and volunteering, until her world was turned topsy-turvy. She had not imagined dating again after losing her lifelong love. Then, in her mid-70s, she was asked out on a date. She could not imagine being romantic with another man. Not at her age. She had not had a date in decades. How did dating even work anymore?

Horrified, she vehemently rejected her pursuer for almost a month. He was persistent. She was intrigued. And thus unfolded a tale of two septuagenarians, both widowed, both discovering an unexpected world of dating and intimacy well into their Golden Years.

Marys story is the new norm. Widowers, lifelong bachelors, and divorces are finding more and more love, intimacy, and romance later and later in life. So much so that even the popular television show The Bachelor is launching a version for seniors looking for love. And there has never been a more opportune time to be in an intimate relationship or have sex. This applies to all consenting adults, but it is especially and uniquely true for the aging population. Whos in that lucky club, you might be wondering?

Lets be honest; if were lucky, we will be part of the aging population because, as my dad used to say, aging beats the alternative. (Granted, the darned pandemic threw cold water on some of the fun, but all hope is not loststick around for a deep dive on the impact of the pandemic in .) For the purposes of our time together, I am talking about the 60-plus crowd, and heres the best news yetyou dont age out of sex. Older adults across the country and around the world are experiencing a sexual awakening that all the younger people who might be reading this book can only hope to one day enjoy. So, what makes today different from 1980 or even 2000?

Prior barriers to late-life sexuality have been lifted on many fronts over the past two decades. Hormonal regulation is achieved by clever, noninvasive methods of hormone replacement therapy and other technological advances. Sexual function is prolonged thanks to a class of highly effective pharmaceuticals as generics replace the historically cost-prohibitive brand names. More aging adults are living in closer proximity to each other in senior communities than at any other time in US history, and many are retiring at a younger age due to advances in financial planning, governmental incentives to save for retirement, as well as a generational shift in philosophy on worklife balance. Social media and smartphone applications can help you find a partner almost instantly, from the comfort of home. Whether youre seeking a casual connection on a weekend getaway or a brief work trip, or a longer-term partner, a companion is only a click away. It is a great time to be a 60-plus adult looking for love!

What could possibly go wrong?

Spoiler alert: So much can go wrongbut it doesnt have to.

Settle down in a comfy chair with your beverage of choice, and lets talk. You have opened the cover and turned the first pagenow on to a no-holds-barred grown-up sex ed class. This is not a how to guideI am not a sex therapist. This is not a rule book or morality primer. I am not here to serve up judgment.

Heres what I am here to do:

• Inform you about sexually transmitted diseases and infections (STDs), signs and symptoms to look out for, treatment options, and possible complications that can arise, and offer you ways to avoid contracting them.
• Share stories from my life and the experiences of other physicians, friends, and patients to show you real-life examples of what STDs are really like.
• Educate you about brand-new, hot-off-the-press risks to sexual intimacy that have arisen in recent years.
• Re-teach you things you once knew but forgot.
• Help you feel more comfortable talking about sex with your health care providers and sexual partners.
• Share facts, stats, and information that will make you the intimacy expert in the room.
• Raise awareness about the increasingly high rate of STDs plaguing the older demographic.
• Arm you with what you need to know to go forward in a safe and healthy sexual relationship.

In fact, Im willing to bet that, by the end of this book, I will leave you far more in the know than your sophomoric grandkid who thinks they know it all. This book is not just for you sex revolution flower children from the 1960s who are leaping into the retired life. Its for all of you: swingers, doubters, abstainers, monogamists, adult children of aging parents, administrators of nursing homes and community living environments, preachers, teachers, and yes, even health care providers. If you are over 60, or know someone who is, I wager you are going to learn something in these pages that just may lead you to more intimacy and enjoyment in your later years than youd thought possible.