Kate Bornstein - My Gender Workbook: How to Become a Real Man, a Real Woman, the Real You, or Something Else Entirely

My Name Is__________________ and this is MY Gender

photo: Dona Ann McAdams

how to become a real man, a real woman, the real you, or something else

entirely

Kate Bornstenin

Published in 1998 by

Routledge

711 Third Avenue

New York, NY

Published in Great Britain by

Routledge

2 Park Square, Milton Park

Abingdon, Oxon OX14 4RN

Copyright 1998 by Kate Bornstein

Text Design: David Thorne

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or reproduced or utilized in any form or by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including photocopying and recording or in any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publishers.

0-415-91672-0 (cloth) 0-415-91673-9 (paper)

I'm dedicating this workbook to two transgender pioneers: Sandy Stone and Marsha Botzer. They've been friends, mentors, sisters, moms, daughters, and co-conspirators with me and with hundreds of others. Sandy and Marsha did the hard work years ago, while the rest of us were still shivering in the dark wondering what the heck was wrong with us. They continue to do more hard work today, and I'm so grateful to have each of them in my life. Thanks, my darlings.

Here's What's In Your Workbook. Look!

This is the on-ramp to the book, darling. This chapter answers questions like "Why should I study gender?"

and "Who is this Kate Bornstein that she can tell me anyway!?" There's also a fabulous gender aptitude quiz in here that you won't want to miss.

The basics of the whole sex/gender mish-mash, peeling those two words apart once and for all. Great puzzles to solve.

How, you may ask, can Kate relate gender, identity, and power to the US Food and Drug Administration Food Group Pyramid? Ha! Read on. There's also a pretty scary test in here to determine exactly how perfectly gendered you might be.

Can you really live outside the laws of gender? Can you live with no gender at all? You might be surprised to find out how easy it is! Also, 101 (count 'em, 101!) real live gender outlaws answer the question, "What am I?"

Sorting out love, sex, desire and gender. Exploring the awfully scary lives of Stepford Men and Stepford Women. Exploring the even more scary nature of your own desire and how you might be building your gender identity around that desire. Maybe you might need some comfort food at hand while reading this chapter.

Who exactly are the gender police? A whirlwind tour through religion, science, the academy, law, art, pornography, and the economy. Not to mention your family, friends, lover(s) and very own home, race, class, and subculture. Don't worry, I'll be gentle.

Well ... what's left after we say NO to gender?

The way fun dizzying ride through paradox. How to travel through as many identities as you like: one at a time, or all at once. Don't miss the incredible "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner" exercise.

You remember playgrounds when you were a kid? Not the icky ones ... the really good ones? With great swings and sandboxes and whatever? Well, here's a whole list of places where you can actually play with gender. And it's fun!

Okay, time to come back to planet earth. Playing with gender is all well and good, but it has its downside.

Remember what Yoda said to Luke Skywalker: If you want to be a Jedi Knight, you need to walk on the Dark Side of The Force. Diane DiMassa and I each give you a picture of what that might look like.

Like it or not, we seem to be in the middle of some sort of gender revolution. This chapter is NOT a political manifesto, but more like a book of etiquette for dealing with the revolution we're all part of.

Congratulations! You now know how to mess around with gender. Well, what's next? Here, I'll tell you what I'll be doing.

No one can write a book without a lot of help. Plus, there are words from over 300 people in this book. Here's the thank you. Roll credits. Fade to black.

My favorite thing is to go where I've never been.

--Diane Arbus

Of course I realized there was a measure of danger. Obviously I faced the possibility of not returning when first I considered going. Once faced and settled there really wasn't any good reason to refer to it.

--Amelia Earhart

There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them.

--Sylvia Plath

As far as I'm concerned, being any gender is a drag.

--Patti Smith

From the moment we take our first breath (and sometimes even before that, what with sonic imaging technology), the cry "It's a boy" or "It's a girl" ushers us into this world. As we grow into adulthood, everything about us grows and matures as we grow and mature. Everything except gender, that is. We're supposed to believe that our gender stays exactly the same as the day we were born. Our genders never shift, we're told. The genders we're assigned at birth lock us onto a course through which we'll be expected to become whole, well-rounded, creative, loving people--- but only as men or as women. From where I stand, that's like taking a field of racehorses, hobbling the front legs of half of them and the rear legs of the other half, and expecting them to run a decent race: it doesn't work. Gender, this thing we're all seemingly born with, is a major restraint to self-expression.

That doesn't make sense to me. Why should we be born with such a hobble? Does that make sense to you?

Well, this is a workbook about questioning things like that, so let's get right to work and start questioning things, shall we?

Discovering Your Gender Aptitude

Would you like to know more about your own gender and how it's been affecting your life? Just how freewheeling and open are you when it comes to the subjects of gender and sexuality? Do you have much flexibility when it comes to grasping the mechanics of changing genders? How about the people who are questioning their own genders these days? Are they a little crazy for doing that? Here's a series of questions that will give you a good idea of exactly where you stand when it comes to gender.

This isn't a quiz or an exam to see how good you are at this. There are no right or wrong answers. Just take your time and check off the answers that most nearly match the way you feel about each question. When you're done, you'll know your GA-your Gender Aptitude-and from there, we'll go on a little journey together through previously unexplored and under-explored areas of gender, identity, sexuality, and power. Now, doesn't that sound exciting? I should think so! All right, let's begin.

Your Gender Aptitude, Section I: Assumptions

Which of the following most accurately describes you?

Give yourself 5 points if you checked A, 3 points if your checked B, 1 point for C, and no points for D.