Exploring the Psychosocial and Psycho-spiritual Dynamics of Singleness among African American Christian Women in Midlife
Christina Hicks
Exploring the Psychosocial and Psycho-spiritual Dynamics of Singleness among African American Christian Women in Midlife
Copyright 2017 Christina Hicks. All rights reserved. Except for brief quotations in critical publications or reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without prior written permission from the publisher. Write: Permissions, Wipf and Stock Publishers, 199 W. 8th Ave., Suite 3, Eugene, OR 97401.
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Table of Contents
Introduction
The Birthing Process
T he impetus for this research was birthed out of many conversations with African American women, both single and married alike. Several years ago, I had the pleasure of leading a womens ministry group in my church. The goal of this ministry was to build and foster relations with the women of my church and to tackle some of the issues that were prevalent for African American women. This group consisted of a range of young adult women and older midlife women. Some were married and some single; others were single mothers, divorced and widowed. After meeting for some time, I began to notice that all of our conversations, no matter what topic we were discussing, or no matter what readings we were examining, almost always led to questions about sex, singleness, loneliness, dating and marriage. Is there a proper way to live a single life? What does God require? Is sex off limits to Christian single women? Im lonely and I dont know what to do? These are some of the questions that surfaced during the talk. Several of the married women had similar questions about their sexuality and loneliness within their own marriages. I also had similar questions about my own singleness. When I tried having serious discussions with my peers, ordained female ministers like myself, I was told quite caustically, You need to stand in your authority! Ive learned over the course of years that the church space is not always a safe place to discuss my sacred issues. At the time, I was a much younger single African American woman, now I am a much older midlife single African American woman. With this understanding, I believe that singleness from the perspective of twenty- and thirty-year-old women is much different than the perspective of forty- and fifty-year-old women. As such, this research explores the experiences of singleness from a midlife perspective. Several years later, I continue with these discussions on singleness with midlife women who question their purpose amidst singleness, dating, growing older, childlessness and spirituality. These discussions constitute the birthing process of many explorations into singleness that have been gained over the years from my own experiences and from the experiences of numerous single African American women that Ive had the pleasure of having these important and heartfelt conversations into what it means to be single, African American, and a woman.
The Principal Question and Problem
The principal question addressed in this research is: How does singleness impact the lives of African American Christian women in midlife? There have been many discussions in the African American community and the Black church about the disproportionate number of African American men to the number of single African American women.
According to Single, Black, Femaleand Plenty of Company forty-two percent of U.S. black women have never been married, double the number of white women who have never tied the knot.... There are . million more black women than black men. If every black man in America married a black woman today, one out of every lack women still wouldnt make it down the aisle if they hope to marry a black man.
The issue is that many African American women, Christian and non-Christian, are frustrated in their search for eligible African American men to date and/or marry. Although more people are choosing to remain single in the twenty-first century, both the culture and the church milieus dictate marriage as the idealized state for most. Many single African American women are concerned about the shortage of good African American men. While many factors contribute to the issue of singleness, certain ones are dominant in the African American community. Racism, high mortality and incarceration rates, and economic disadvantage in obtaining skills necessary for upward mobility have decreased the pool of marriageable men. Another factor that contributes to the problem of singleness is that most single middle-class educated African American women feel less inclined to marry below their standards. For some, only men with an equivalent or higher educational and socioeconomic status are acceptable. As a result, a large number of African American women are single because they choose not to marry or even date men below their standards.
In religious circles, most societies have adopted some suitable means of being single. Singleness during adolescence and early adulthood, and following the death of a spouse has been acceptable in most societies.
The Exploration Process
According to Mary Lynn Dell in Will My Time Ever Come? On Being Single, The implications of being a single woman vary tremendously according to race, ethnicity, religion, socioeconomic status, educational level, and geographic location. They are divorced, widowed, or single parents. Not all women want to marry; many single women choose to be single. For the purposes of this research, I engaged three heterosexual single African American Christian women who have never been married, have no children and are between the ages of forty and fifty-five to whom I have given the following names: Diane, Angie, and Tracy.
Diane: is a -year-old single, middle-class African American woman who is the younger of two sisters. Diane works as a paralegal and has an associates degree in marketing and a bachelors of theology. Her religious affiliation is Christian and she attends a nondenominational and nontraditional Black church. Being a Christian means to be a follower of the way and to love God and love others. She describes her life while growing up as unbalanced, a mess, turmoil, and fighting, as her mom tried to keep it all together in an estranged marriage.
Angie: is a -year-old single, middle-class African American woman who is the oldest of five siblingsshe is the oldest of two from her parents marriage and the oldest of three from her fathers relationship after her parents divorced. Angie works as an assistant director in research and as a senior pastor of a traditional church. She earned a bachelors degree in journalism and religious studies and a Master of Divinity. Her parents are both educators and throughout her life stressed the importance of education. Angies parents divorced when she was eleven years old and she recalls the difficulties in her parents marriage. Despite this, her home environment was very loving. Angie understands that being a Christian means to follow Jesus Christ. However it also means that God reveals Gods self in a multiplicity of ways.
