Steve Friedman - The Gentlemans Guide to Life: What Every Guy Should Know About Living Large, Loving Well, Feeling Strong, and Looking Good

Table of Contents

To sensible men, every day is a day of reckoning.

JOHN W. GARDNER

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Id like to thank my agent, Chris Calhoun, and my editor, Annetta Hanna, for making The Gentlemans Guide to Life possible.

Id also like to thank, for their expert and wide-ranging research assistance, Joseph Amodio and Jeannette Batz Cooperman.

For their tolerance and understanding while the book was written, GQs editor-in-chief, Art Cooper, managing editor, Marty Beiser, and executive editor, David Granger.

For her design talents and great sense of style, Robbin Gourley. For his wise and weird drawings, Michael Crawford. For his generosity and darkroom wizardry, Nick Kelsh. For her design, Maggie Hinders.

For advice, suggestions, expertise, and help on matters legal, romantic, culinary and everything else: Mark Adams, Joe Bargmann, Frank Bouting, Eileen Bugnitz, Art Cooper, Richard Ben Cramer, Mary Duffy, Raymond Farruggia, Ann Friedman, Don Friedman, Ken Fuson, Nichelle Gainer, Mary Ann Gwinn, Lisa Henricksson, Dr. Helen Henry, Tom Junod, Katherine Kane, Terrell Lamb, David Lance, Jeff Leen, John Limotte, Connie McCabe, Terry McDevitt, Adrienne Miller, Jim Moore, Robert Moritz, Robbie Myers, Scott Omelianuk, Curt Pesmen, Alan Richman, Ruth Rosenbaum, Alex Ryshawy, Connie Saint, Al Freddo Scotti, Jennifer Scruby, Suzanne Steele, Sarah Tucker, Carolyn White, Catherine Wible, and Mary Wible.

And for her patience, good humor, support, affection, and enduring friendship, Leslie Yazel.

INTRODUCTION

Lets say youre the kind of guy who aspires to a certain kind of lifeone abounding with material success, satisfying work, exciting and enriching romance, empathy for others, connection to God. Lets say you admire Great Men and strive to do Great Things. Lets say your role models are Genghis Khan and Attila the Hun.

Or maybe youre the sensitive type, in touch with your spiritual side, more finely attuned to your nurturing instincts. In that case, the would-be world emperor for you is Napoleon Who You Callin Shorty, Bonehead? Bonaparte. Or King David, who in addition to coldcocking Goliath and keeping peace in the Middle East, also had the street smarts to order the husband of his girlfriend (Shalom!) into battle.

Myself, Ive always been partial to Gandhi, Billy Jack, St. Francis of Assisi, Bronco Nagurski, and the Angel of Death. Also Babe the Blue Ox and Jesus, too, but wouldnt it have been cooler (and more manly) if he had used his superhuman powers to turn his enemies into loaves of bread or something?

The problem is, emulating even the greatest historical figure carries certain inherent liabilities. I mean, you can go with the Fu Manchu on your face and utter ruthlessness in your day-to-day behavior, but without some Mongol hordes to watch your back, youre nothing but a funny-looking sleazebag. The battlefield tactics of the stubby-legged French warrior still fascinate you? Try shouting Laudace, toujours laudace the next time your boss tells you that your latest proposal would expose the company to law-suits, bankruptcy, and public humiliation. Not exactly a trs bonneide, half-pint.

No, history is fine, but if youre like most guys, you run into contemporary problems that would confound Confucius, perplex Plato; riddles and mysteries that would baffle even Bill Moyers.

Matters of the heart? You love your girlfriend, but the idea of sex with her younger sister is not exactly, um, foreign to you. What about fashion? Single-breasted versus double-breasted? Spread collar versus button-down? Cuffs? Sure, the founders of the Judeo-Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, and Hindu traditions who have been guiding and strengthening the human race for thousands upon thousands of years might have been perfectly content in nothing but robes and sandals and beards, but use your headthese guys were market leaders! Think they didnt pay attention to styles? You know if Moses were around today, hed be wearing Polo. (Not to mention chowing down on a nice piece of brisket. Forty years of manna? Gimme a break. I dont care if it did come from heaven.)

These days, the ability to tote stone tablets is nice, but not enough. These days, the measure of a man means much more than 40 regular. These days, everyone from atheists to Zen Buddhists needs to know about clothes, about grooming, about business, about romance, not to mention meaning and a profound sense of peace and happiness and whats the best way to squash that human cockroach in the cubicle next to you.

With apologies to Thomas Paine, these are the times that try mens souls. Lucky for you, the answers are at hand. Sometimes the solution is simple (regarding your honeys sister, look, but never, ever, ever, touch). Other times, you need more information. (Flat-front khakis are fine for lean and hungry types like Cassius, but if youre built like the Buddha [the fat one], think pleats.)

Why trust me to deliver the goods?

Because in addition to editing, assigning, writing, and generally serving as majordomo of GQs health and fitness section for the past four years, a time in which I have become an expert on subjects ranging from aerobics to yoga, breathing to spiritual fitness, cunnilingus (I edit the sex column) to weightless workouts, I also possess the rich and fecund life experience of Everyguy. In spades.

I have fired and been fired, wooed and been wooed, dumped and been dumped. I also once dated a famous advice columnists granddaughter and consequently absorbed a lot of useful information until the unfortunate evening I referred to Grandma as old moneybags.

My maternal great-great-grandfather was a rabbi, his son a teacher, his son a lawyer, and his daughter (Mom to me) a psychotherapist, so I can tell a guy when hes spiritually adrift, legally at risk, and ambivalent about marriage (or at least pursuing his girlfriends little sister for reasons that have more to do with unconscious desires than the pert way she flips her hair). On Dads side, theres a tailor, a pharmacist, and a financial planner (aka Pop), so clothes, drugs, and money arent a problem either.

Read this book and youll learn how to leave them laughing and make em cry. Youll gain a better understanding of the relationship between alcohol and health as well as the one between honesty and career advancement (similar ratios, by the way, in which a little can go a long way). Youll discover the secrets on how to make a move, take a chance, proclaim your love, meet your girlfriends folks, duck phone calls, advance your career, talk about art, make an excuse, apologize, and weasel out of an obligation (hint: do them one at a time).

Want to know if youre getting enough sleep (and how to get more)? Interested in learning how to find a shrink or why your girlfriend is sure you need a shrink? Want to buy a woman flowers, avoid gaffes in the sack, propose, get divorced, order wine, get a raise, lose weight, gain muscle, feel better?

Of course you do. And Ill tell you.

This is a book for a man who wants to live large, look good, feel strong, and love well. Read it, use it, learn by it. Above all, forget your girlfriends little sister.