King Oblivion - The Supervillain Field Manual: How to Conquer

T HE S UPERVILLAIN
F IELD M ANUAL

Good (Bad) Praise for King Oblivion, Ph.D.,
The Supervillain Handbook, and The Supervillain Field Manual

Without great supervillains, superheroes would have no one to fight but each other! King Oblivion, Ph.D., has performed a noble public service with The Supervillain Handbook and deserves the unbounded gratitude of every thinking comic book fan. Excelsior!

Stan Lee

The Supervillain Field Manual: For when youve exhausted The Anarchist Cookbook and are ready to take the next step.

Kelly Sue DeConnick, writer of Captain Marvel and Avengers Assemble

The Supervillain Field Manual is an insightful glimpse into the terrifying genius of King Oblivion, Ph.D. that builds on the groundwork laid in The Supervillain Handbook. Credit to Matt D. Wilson for his bravery in risking life and limb yet again to spread the word of the Malevolent Monarch; bequeathing to the reader the hard-earned wisdom of not only becoming a supervillain, but succeeding as one. [The Supervillain Field Manual is] a tome to strike fear in the hearts of the noble, and inspire generations of despots to come!

David Marquez, Artist of Ultimate Spider-Man and All-New X-Men

The Supervillain Handbook offers advice on everything from planning mayhem and crafting dramatically evil rhetoric to recruiting minions and figuring out if you have the right motivation to build toward world destruction.... The author knows his stuff.

USA Today

King Oblivion, Ph.D.
(as told to Matt D. Wilson)

Illustrated by Adam Wallenta

Copyright 2013 by Matt D. Wilson

Illustrations copyright 2013 by Adam Wallenta

All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without the express written consent of the publisher, except in the case of brief excerpts in critical reviews or articles. All inquiries should be addressed to Skyhorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018.

Skyhorse Publishing books may be purchased in bulk at special discounts for sales paromotion, corporate gifts, fund-raising, or educational purposes. Special editions can also be created to specifications. For details, contact the Special Sales Department, Skyhorse Publishing, 307 West 36th Street, 11th Floor, New York, NY 10018 or info@skyhorsepublishing.com.

Skyhorse and Skyhorse Publishing are registered trademarks of Skyhorse Publishing, Inc. , a Delaware corporation.

Visit our website at www.skyhorsepublishing.com.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

The supervillain field manual : how to conquer (super) friends and incinerate people / King Oblivion, Ph.D. (as told to Matt D. Wilson) ; illustrated by Adam Wallenta.

pages cm

ISBN 978-1-62087-633-6 (pbk. : alk. paper) 1. Criminals--Humor. 2. Comic books, strips, etc. I. Wilson, Matt D. II. Wallenta, Adam illustrator.

PN6231.C73S86 2013

818.602--dc23

2013002973

Printed in China

For Pud, of the Phantoms

Y oure too late, you ignorant whelp! This book has already put you on the path to your end!

You hesitate to act. As you read these words, as your eyes dart from sentence to sentence, you feel... an intrusion. A burning sensation in the back of your neck. You choose to ignore it. You chalk it up to hypochondria. The feeling spreads upward into your brain and down through your spine. You begin to consider whether something has bitten you. Perhaps a spider stuck in your underwear? The feeling is too real to be psychosomatic. Something, someone, somewhere is causing this ever-growing pain, taking over your frail, feeble body.

You try to stand. Its impossible. You reach for your phone to call for help, but your arm refuses to heed your command. Your body is no longer yours. You cannot control it.

Because I do.

Mwa-ha-ha! Im just messing with ya. You can move. Go ahead, wiggle around, Ill wait.

See? Youre fine. If youre not, I didnt have anything to do with it, and my lawyer, Intimidatrix, Esq., can attest to that.

In my previous book, The Supervillain Handbook, which I assume you read, because youre probably one of the thousands of poor souls I forced to read it at that old abandoned sawmill, I explained all the ins and outs of making a name for yourself in professional supervillainy. What you may not have realized when you finished that tome was that ending did not represent the end of the story; that is, your story of professional super-evil. Stories arent just beginnings... they have middles and ends. And though it seems like its only the beginners who need guidance, everyone who isnt as naturally and awe-inspiringly dominant as I am occasionally needs a push one way or another, at all stages of his or her career.

So here we are. You, me, and this guide: The Supervillain Field Manual. In these pages, youll learn the skills of finer manipulation, not unlike what I did to you in those opening paragraphs, you gullible, gullible, tadpole of a human being. Youll come to understand that not all supervillainous acts are physically destructive ones, though thats just as important. You can do just as much bad through public relations as you can with an industrial disintegrator (if you have any experience in PR, you already know this). Youll learn that its simply not always possible for you to accomplish all your goals on your own (again, unless youre me). Youll learn that people you work with quickly become deadweight and need to be cut loose. And youll learn that, eventually, the time will come to hang up your tights or metal onesie or invisibility hat or whatever it is you wear. Youll also become aware that anything having to do with supervillains and superheroes, regardless of quality, will always, always get a sequel.

Are you ready? Its time to go from beginners badguyism to advanced evildeedsery.

Lets make this happen, if you can manage to turn the page.

This is Max Badguy. Remember him? Not many people do. Thats why he needs this book.

Important Note: The day I retire is the day I take everyone else with me. Remember that.

A s I mentioned earlier, this is the second book in a progression of definitive (you can call them sacred if youd like) instructional texts regarding the profession of supervillainy. If, for some reason, you didnt read the section before this, maybe because you have some weird, infuriating habit of reading things out of order or you hate sections of books that dont have headingssupervillains often have weird tics, so Ive seen them allthat book is called The Supervillain Handbook. If, for some even less comprehensible reason, you didnt read The Supervillain Handbook, allow me to shatter your kneecaps with my Telekinetic Gaze (Im working on a trademark on KinetiGaze) after I provide you with a quick rundown of what you missed.