Kristin Davis - The Manhattan Madams Secrets to Great Sex: Expert Advice for Becoming the Best Lover Hes Ever Had

What Ive learned from the Manhattan Madam and her former escorts by Lainie Speiser

I met Kristin Davis in late summer 2008, when I was hired to cowrite her memoirs. She had just finished a three-month stint in Rikers Island, and I was both excited and nervous about meeting her. I had, of course, followed her story like everybody else. She was on the cover of every tabloid and the object of mostly nasty ridicule on gossip websites.

B ack then, she was known as Billie, her madam name, and was depicted as a trailer-park blonde floozy who had turned into a shrewd, calculating she-devil of a businesswoman. I was intimidated, which is unusual for a woman who has spent her entire career working behind the scenes of the adult entertainment industry. Ive trimmed a Christmas tree with Penthouse founder Bob Guccione in his mansion, and I have porn legend Jenna Jamesons number in my cell phone. But Kristin Davis was a queen pimp who controlled the sex lives of many rich and famous men, including former New York governor Eliot Spitzer.

I studied her photos online and saw a glossy woman with piles of blonde hair and enormous breasts, and she wore as much bling as famous rap stars. And she had just gotten out of one of the most notorious prisons in the world. Was she going to be a diva? How hard was it going to be to have her open up to me? It turned out she was and is the exact opposite of all my expectations.

Kristin is one of the kindest, sweetest, most down-to-earth women I have ever met. She told me immediately that she had done some research about me and was happy that I was the one who was going to cowrite her story because, with my background working in the adult industry, I wouldnt be judgmental about her last career choice. She said she knew about my work as a publicist to porn stars and center-folds. After our first casual encounter she said, Youre a pimp, just like me. And weve been associates and true friends ever since.

The first thing that struck me about Kristin is that shes a bit of a prude. When we talked about sex, she made it clear she wasnt the kind of woman who picked up men in bars or had sex on the first dateor the second, third, or fourth, for that matter.

I believe in making men work for it. If we have sex right away, hes got nothing to look forward to, nothing to work toward, she said.

When I teased her and said she was a pillow princess, she looked puzzled and asked, Whats that? She doesnt curse, drink, do drugs, or smoke, and she is happy to hang out with her friends and chat over nachos. She loves her cats, her mother, and her friends. I was touched by her loyalty to people, knowing that she visited her old friend from Rikers, rapper Remy Ma, in prison every other week, bringing bags of food, clothes, and other creature comforts. Most people who go to Rikers wouldnt want to go back to that place ever again.

When we became friends, Kristin would give me advice on men and my love life and try to make me see what Im worth, which she thought was a lot more than what I was getting. She was big on getting to know someone before jumping into bed and a relationship.

Youre a wonderful woman, and the man you choose should know youre worth waiting for, she told me. He should worry whether hes good enough for you. He should try to show you why you should be with him. Dont give so much of yourself.

When we embarked on writing this book together and Kristin started introducing me to the various women who used to work for her, I began to see what she meant. Kristin and these women had higher self-esteem than most women I know, myself included. I realized that many women in this day and age place no value on themselves, their company, their time and attention, their sex, and most of all their love. Men should initiate a date, plan it with care and thought, and pay for dinner. In essence, men need to start being men again and assert themselves for the woman they want.

I realized these women had their lives together a lot more than most people would ever figure. All the third, fourth, and fifth chances women give men in their relationships, all the over-understanding and good nature does not make a man give a woman what she wants. It only shows a man what he can get away withand keep getting away with.

I also learned that a man treats a woman based on how she treats herself. A woman who is well groomed and takes care of herself shows the world that she expects the best that a man can give. High-end escorts dont look like prostitutes; they look like healthy, classy, poised women. They are feminine, gentle. Their appearance alone projects that they respect themselves and expect the same respect backnot as a privilege, but as a right. And if they come across a man who doesnt treat them the way he should, they simply walk away, never to return.