Table of Contents
ALSO BY LOU PAGET
How to Be a Great Lover
How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure
The Big O
Hot Mamas
To my sisters
Diane Paget-Dellio (the Raptor),
Sherry Paget (the Wiz),
and Kathie Ireland (Katerena),
with all my love
&
To all who have shared their lives,
their loves, their experiences,
and to all who asked for this book
Acknowledgments
Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.
Antoine de Saint-Exupry
One of the first life lessons you learn in business is: No one does it alone. Whether you are strategizing your next step, running the day-to-day operations of your company, or writing a book about those operations, you cant do it without the support, guidance, and help of many. I refer to them as my teams. I couldnt have done it without them.
The Support Team
The fabulous and unique ladies in my family: Raptor, Wiz, Katerena, Natashsa (AKA Michelle Paget), and Boris (AKA Lisa Paget).
My executive assistant, Michele Thompson, and her predecessor, Tara Raucci.
To all who have been there yet again through this creative venture and I wont name names but likely some of you will see yourselves in these Tips:
Sandra Beck, Maura McAniff, Jessica Kalkin, Sherri Tenpenny, Nance Mitchell, Alan Cochran, Christian Thrasher, Kendra King, Richard Gerstein, Morley Winnick, Mike Friend and Randy Smith, Robbi Mermel, Jenny McDaniel, Tara Raucci, Bob Robinson, Mark and Scott Charbonneau, Ariel Sotolongo, Wayne Davis, Raymond Davi, Grace Evans, Eileen Michaels, Lane Hancock, Wayne and Marsha Williams, Bernard Spigner, Francisca Martinez, Craig Dellio, Gwinn Ioka, Elaine Wilkes, Paul Drill, Jacqui Brandwynne, Matthew Davidge, Rhonda Britten, Priscilla Wallace, and Frederic Goldencoat.
The Creative Team
Debra Goldstein my fabulous agent, thank you again for your vision and support.
Mary Ann Naples and Nicole Diamond Austin at the Creative Culture.
Mark Charbonneau, thank you again for your vision.
Lauren Marino, executive editor; Bill Shinker, publisher; and Mark Roy, assistant editor, at Gotham Books. So lovely to be working together again, you make this process easy.
Billie Fitzpatrick, my writing partner. I dont think we can get any faster.
Diego Felipe, illustrator; Lucas Mansell, copy editor; Ray Lundgren, graphic artist, for the cover; and all at Gotham Books.
Robin and Bob Park at Hollywood Webs.
The Research and Development Team
Marc Ganem, M.D.; Sherri Tenpenny, D.O.; Beverly Whipple, Ph.D.; Patti Britton, Ph.D.; Gary Richwald, M.D.; Stephen Sacks, M.D.; Jacqueline Snow, M.N., C.N.P.; John Feldsted; Rob Clink; Tom Stew-art; and Violet Blue.
The Presentation Team
Lilianna and Ali Moradi, Moradi Studios, for keeping me presentable. Jai Lone and her terrific makeup. Ron Derhacopian, for his stunning photography.
A special thank you to Dr. Marc Ganem for the artistic support, and Dr. Beverly Whipple for her proofing expertise.
Introduction
A little over ten years ago, I began organizing womens focus groups on the subject of sex. I wanted information about sex that was accurate, reliable, and helpful and not tied to the myths and misleading depictions of the adult-male porn industryand I knew other women wanted this information as well. What I didnt anticipate was that my small, informal discussion groups would explode in popularity and that I would establish a new career as a sexuality educator. Suddenly dozens, then hundreds, then thousands of women and men began contacting me with the same questions I had originally raised. In order to respond to this hunger for information, I have given sexuality seminars for women, men, and couples around the world, and I have written three books, How to Be a Great Lover, How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure, and The Big O.
365 Days of Sensational Sex is my fourth book, and by far the most comprehensive of all of them. Like its predecessors, it came out of my work with women, men, and couples, who, like yourselves, seek and deserve the most up-to-date, accurate information there is on the subject of sexuality. This book arose out of a demand from my clients who for years have begged me to share with them the best of the best secrets from couples who are having great, ongoing sex, or who were able to reignite their passion to keep on having mind-blowing sex throughout the duration of their relationship. What is it that makes some people such great lovers, capable of having and sustaining fabulous sex and sizzling relationships? What is it these people are doing that keeps the fire burning? And most important, what secrets can I share that will enable other curious readers to become great lovers themselves?
Many people assume that being a great lover is about learning tips on technique, but that is far from the truth. Strange to hear, I am sure, from the author who has written extensively about technique, but as Ive said many times before, the what goes where and how to elements of sex are only the tip of the iceberg. You can know all the parlor tricks in the world and may possibly be tons of fun when horizontal, but what makes you a great lay is not necessarily what makes you a great lover.
Defining great sex is personal and very connotative. There is no dictionary definition. For one person it might mean being able to give and receive off-the-chart orgasms, for another it might be about adventure and things you can attach to the ceiling, and for yet another it might be about feeling amazingly close and connected while wrapped in a lovers arms. But from what I have learned through my years of listening closely to people, great sex boils down to two factors:
Great Lovers possess an attitude toward sex that is open and curious, willing to learn something new about sexalways and forever.
Great Lovers possess the know-how and the intention to keep the flames of passion alivealways and forever.
The truth of these two factors became startlingly clear recently when Claire, a woman in her sixties, called to ask me advice on how to resuscitate her sexual relationship with her husband, Marty, also in his sixties. Recently, her husband had gone through heart-bypass surgery. On top of this medical crisis, Marty was also getting ready to retire. Claire was feeling overwhelmed not only by her concerns for her husbands health, but for herselfhow was she going to take care of him, take care of the family (she was now the main breadwinner), and take care of her job? And did I mention that her company was transferring her to the office in Las Vegas?
Claire was clearly a formidable professional and a deeply caring woman, and because of this, she was determined to finesse all these transitions in her life. One of her first tasks was to address her concerns about her sexual relationship with Marty. Before his surgery, their sex life had always been goodfor thirty-five years of marriage, she pointed out to me. But now, it was virtually nonexistent. Rather than succumb to her fears that Marty was unable to have great sex anymore, Claire decided to take the bull by the horns, so to speak.