Jena Pincott - Do Gentlemen Really Prefer Blondes?: Bodies, Behavior, and Brains--The Science Behind Sex, Love, & Attraction

DO GENTLEMEN REALLY
PREFER BLONDES?

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

O ne fall evening, as the air turned bitterly cold and the threat of lonely holidays loomed, my friend Rita went speed-dating. Rita is beautiful and vivacious, and she was up to the challenge of meeting more men in an hour than most women meet in a year. At first she considered one of the special-interest sessions: Theater Lovers, Fitness and Health Lovers, or the one called Doggie Style, which turned out to be for canine owners. Im going to find my husband, she said when I raised a skeptical eyebrow. She settled on a session for thirtysomethings, and went by herself because her friends refused to go with her. The next day Rita was in an expansive, exuberant mood. She lay on her back with her hand behind her head, giggling and gazing at the ceiling. Shed met twenty men, she said, in a sort of fevered rush. Three minutes was all shed had to form an impression of each date before the bell rang and she moved on to the next. One guy out-shined the others. They had a fabulous connection. Your future husband? I asked, impressed.

Rita says shes looking for a man whos loyal, responsible, educated, spiritual, and ambitious and who wants to be a father. Thats the rational Rita speaking. But in the heat of the moment she forgets her intentions. Rita rolled her eyes at the earnest duds who dressed up to speed-date. Instead, her marvelous man, the only one to whom she said yes, turned out to be a sweet-talking brute who was living on his friends couch. For three minutes he gazed at her with burning eyes and asked questions like Sweetheart, why dont you model? Maybe he wasnt marriage material, but she was smitten.

After Ritas experience, it didnt shock me to learn that in every study on speed-dating, men and womens self- reported mate preferences are unrelated to the characteristics of the people they actually pick. We often rely on instinct or urge more than reason. In fact, half of all female speed-daters say they know whether theyre going to say yes to a guy within the first three seconds of meeting him. Men are also startlingly efficient, and both sexes care a lot about looks. By the time the bell rings, all the participants have made up their minds.

So, what happens in those three seconds or three minutes? What part of Ritaor youdecides whats sexy? Not the rational brain. When it comes to attraction, consciousness slips down a gear. The instincts go into overdrive. The senses take over. Unconsciously, youre taking in the timbre of your dates voice, the sturdiness of his shoulders, the thickness of his brow and jaw, the good humor in his gaze. Looks right, sounds right, smells right, acts right. You might feel a slow, burning blush. You find yourself leaning in his direction. Its as if your bodys doing the decidingyour eyes, ears, nose, hormones, or something deep in the back of your brain.

All the timebut especially in your love lifeyoure making decisions beyond your conscious awareness, and people respond to you in ways and for reasons unconscious to them. There might be days when you find yourself acting a little more flirtatious. This morning, on a whim, you might have decided to wear a sexier outfit than usual. Your skin is softer, your features more symmetrical. Men seem to be drawn to you. You find yourself opening up like a flower when talking to cocky, domineering guys, even though theyre not normally your type. Whats going on?

It turns out that there are many deep and subtle influences that draw you to certain people, and they to you. Or not! Take body odor as an example. Why is it that you love the smell of some mens sweat but not others? A mans natural odor is a make-it-or-break-it factor for many women. In fact, its surprising sway was the inspiration behind this book. I once dated a guy whose smell I hated, even though he showered, and it was a major reason why I couldnt take the relationship further. Later on, I met a man whose smell I loveand I married him (for that and his other amazing qualities). When I found out theres a biological basis to my olfactory pickiness, I was intrigued.

Theres real science behind a lot of odd, under-the- radar things that happen in your love life, such as why you climax more often with some lovers than with others, why sex makes you feel sated, and why cuddling with a guy makes you a little more attached and trusting, even when you dont want to be. There are reasons why men think youre into them when youre not; why people seem more attractive when youre excited or when you gaze into their eyes; why going on the Pill could change your taste in men; why your sex drive may pick up in autumn; and why you get so crazy when you fall in love.

Of course, men also are egged on by urges and instincts. There are reasons why they have a different reaction to pornography than women do, why they get muddleheaded at the sight of beautiful babes, and why they get so amorous after you spend time away from them. You might also wonder why so many guys are enchanted by voluptuous breasts, hourglass figures, and long legs. And whats the big deal with blond hair?

Do Gentlemen Really Prefer Blondes? explores the hidden side of love, sex, and attraction. The questions in this booknearly one hundredwere driven by my somewhat insatiable curiosity about science, sex appeal, and the subconscious. What goes on that no one talks about because we hardly know it happens? For answers I searched hundreds of peer-reviewed studies in diverse disciplines: biology, evolutionary psychology, anthropology, neuroscience, endocrinology, and others. I was fascinated.

As a writer with a science background, yet a nonspecialist, I cast the net far and wide, finding topics ranging from body language to bisexuality, hormones to pheromones, and sexy genes to mate value models. Drawing on these studies, with insights from interviews with many of the researchers, this book showcases all the research that caught my eye about attraction and its aftermath, love and sex (not necessarily in that order). Some of the findings featured here are mainstream, while others are recent and more controversial. Although no one study solves the mysteries of love and attraction, each is something of a clue. Together, they provide a big-picture perspective. (Scientists dont really believe that our love lives can be reduced to science, but that we can use it to understand ourselves better.)

One theme in this romp through the research is that everyone has an unconscious preference for certain traits, and much of what we desire is rooted in deep evolutionary biases. We evolved this way. Studying ancestral conditions and the mating behaviors of other animals, evolutionary biologists have an interesting take: whether or not you actually want kids, you have parental investment instincts that impact your sex life. It all boils down to the basic biological truth that in one years time, a woman could sleep with a googol of men but only have one full- term pregnancy, whereas a man could sleep with a googol of women and have googols of babies. To maximize their reproductive success, men are attracted to cues of fertilityyouth and beautyespecially in short-term relationships. For women, its more complicated. Women have more at stake in the event of a pregnancy, so were choosier about our sex partners. Over the ages we developed biases for guys with signs of good genes (masculinity and social or physical dominance) and signs that they would be good dads (nurturers and providers), although we often make trade-offs depending upon our circumstances. While its a given that culture and personal experience affect the decisions we make in our love (and sex) lives, the hidden forces of urges and instincts influence us unexpectedly.