Table of Contents
To my students to help them keep learning, to my teachers for helping me learn, and to my wonderful family and friends for their support.MF
Introduction
A 20-something man stands in a long line waiting for his bagel and coffee when a young woman enters the coffee shop dressed to the nines. They exchange a smile. He gives her his place in line and strikes up a conversation. Which came first?
The sight of the sexy woman
The testosterone rushing through his bloodstream
The answer, of course, is A and B. Theres no doubt an average 20-something male has much higher everyday levels of the male sex hormone testosterone than, say, the girl his age, or his 50-something father. Before you finish The Complete Idiots Guide to the Chemistry of Love, youll also know
What times of day his testosterone level is highest and why.
How and why her testosterone and estrogen levels fluctuate to shape her response to him.
Why her brain is planning the wedding; his brain is in lust.
The chemicals that make him cheat or commit.
Their changed chemistries if they make it for two years, seven years, and longer.
Her Mommy brain, his Daddy brain.
How his and her chemistry change for work, friends, and in-laws.
What makes this new science fun and exciting is the fact that we can now measure, photograph, and understand the chemical interactions that shape every kind of human relationship.
Why do you need to know this stuff? Because biochemistry is the key that turns our love lives into stories of joy or heartbreak. What you dont know puts you at a disadvantage in the game of love. From that first glance, to the familiar gaze of a mature couple, this book will cover the chemistry of love in every stage of life, from the passing to the most enduring. The latest research in sexual desire and arousal is simplified and summarized to help you get a few steps ahead of the chemistry that can make or break your most intimate relationships.
This is the story of who we are at our most basic and most complex, the bonds and fissures of family life, work, and friendship, its all chemistry, and now, at last, its all knowable. Prepare to be amazed. Get ready for better sex and more fulfilling love relationships and friendships.
How to Use This Book
This book is divided into four parts:
Part 1, Phases of Love, is your primer on the neuroscience of relationships. In other words, we dig into how love works from the level of cells on up to your brainthe most important sex organ in your body. Youll meet the whole cast of characters: the hormones, neurotransmitters, sense receptors, and essential body systems that can turn a spark of desire into a night (or a lifetime) of love and passion. Youll see how the latest research by sexologists and psychologists is solving some of the mysteries of love that have eluded scientists and poets alike for many thousands of years.
In Part 2, Sex Is What We Do, we discuss the differences between male and female love chemistry. We talk about how it begins with the hormonal surges of adolescence. Then we turn to how all that teenage drama sets the patterns for the adult love relationships and same-sex friendships to follow. From our discussion of male and female sex cycles, youll learn the best and worst days for love, and youll know why.
Part 3, Enhancers and Detractors, takes on the myths and realities surrounding foods, drinks, animal parts, and lifestyle choices that can either help or hurt a healthy sex life (or, in some cases, do nothing). Apples as an aphrodisiac? You betcha. Stress as a libido killer? Not always. Expect lots of surprises in this part on the folklore and science debunking whats good or bad for sex.
Part 4, Friends, Foes, and Family, is where you find out how and why the same chemistry that keeps love so interesting also shapes who you are at work, in your family, and at play. Ever wonder why two women can be fierce competitors when vying for the same guy, but not if theyre fighting over the same job or parking space? Or what makes any two parents fall head over heels for their newborn baby? Its because chemistry is life. After reading this part, youll dazzle family and friends with the inside story on all of your important relationships.
Extra Features
The Complete Idiots Guide to the Chemistry of Love also includes the following sidebars.
DEFINITION
Key words and phrases defined. Body systems and brain functions demystified to see how it all works together.
POINTER
Insights from brain and body chemistry to help with your relationships.
TURN-OFF
Warnings about how your body can send mixed messages if you dont understand how your chemistry can help or hurt intimacy and desire.
SEXY FACT
From the enticement used by Napoleons mistress to new research revealing top turn-ons for co-eds, science is put to good use in these fascinating tidbits.
Acknowledgments
Maryanne Fisher, Ph.D., acknowledges the support of Saint Marys University and the people who helped make this book happen, including her co-author Victoria. She thanks her friends, sister, and parents, some of whom she visited while working on this book, for their support. She also thanks Tony for his encouragement over the years.
Victoria Costello acknowledges the National Association of Science Writers for its 2009 Science Writers Fellowship, which enabled her to attend its international conference in London and conduct psychological research in England and Ireland.
She also thanks her friends and family, especially Tom, for their support when deadlines have loomed large. For the important things good food, a willing ear, clean sheets.
Trademarks
All terms mentioned in this book that are known to be or are suspected of being trademarks or service marks have been appropriately capitalized. Alpha Books and Penguin Group (USA) Inc. cannot attest to the accuracy of this information. Use of a term in this book should not be regarded as affecting the validity of any trademark or service mark.
Part 1
Phases of Love
Where literature has failed to make sense of love, it appears that science is ready to fill in some of the gaps. As hard as it is to imagine a blood or saliva test, even a brain scan, bettering Shakespeare or Shelley at interpreting the human heart, it appears that some of the newest tools and research breakthroughs have given science the edge.
In the first seven chapters, we introduce the complete cast of players and the stage where all the actions and reactions take place in this thing we call love. To capture this remarkable drama, we travel through the human body as you may never have seen it before: from the inner recesses of the brain to the farthest nerve endings of our fingers and toes.
