C.K. Murray - Sex Secrets: How to Conquer the Power of Sexual Attraction

Sexual attraction, sure.

But what is it really ?

Is it chemicals? Hormones? Pheromones? Secreted so naturally and unconsciously that we barely know they're there until it's too late? Yet so powerful that they influence the very behaviors of those around us, fluttering hearts, drying mouths, pushing sweat through pores, making us, in many ways, no different from our beloved friends in the Animal Kingdom?

Is Love even a choice? Or are we controlled by the master puppeteer? The human brain, the central hub for all feelings, thoughts and actions? At the end of the day, are we just, "creatures of the flesh"?

Or, perhaps, you seek something else. An anecdote? Perhaps, just maybe... you're an idealist.

Maybe you awake to find yourself tired and worn, your body ravaged by the previous night's activities. And the day has just begun, and there's much to do, things to say, stressors to overcome. But it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter because, right beside you, nestled against you, is, uh, that special someone. The one from your hazy short term memory. With eyes like sapphire, and a warm, carefree smile that seems to tug the very muscles of your chest into a similar form.

You don't know why, and maybe you want to, maybe you do, but for now... why does it matter? What you do know is quite enough. That you're happy, and that those supple curves against your pelvis, or those firm protective arms around your body, will never feel wrong, and no matter what happens, no matter what the dark, insidious gods of fate throw your way, you'll never be torn again, because, for this very moment, you've found 'the one,' the only one you really want.

Is it love, or is it lust, or is it some hybrid of the two? Honestly, who knows?

Perhaps, you live in a world firmly planted in the Real.

Perhaps you're a modern single. And, as so, you carry a singles sensibilities. You text the guy or girl you've been seeing. You flirt and tease and say, "OMG, LOL, LMAO," or whatever emoticon you choose to convey emotion. You like seeing him or her, but what does that mean? There are countless attractive people, there are countless people who are different, who have eclectic tastes and goals.

You go through periods of wanting space. You go through periods of wanting connection. Sometimes physical, sometimes emotional. You "hook up" and hang out with other people, and you carry a grab bag of, shall we say, "persons of interest."

There's a person for every mood, every whim, every desire. Should you feel bad? Are you a manipulator, are you a 'slut,' a 'womanizer,' man-whore a 'prick'? Have you lost your morals? Or have morals simply changed to reflect a rapidly changing sexscape? Do you know what you want? With every changing "person of interest," do you even know who you are ?

Perhaps, you wake up. And it's been 11 years to this day, this morning. And the one you married is still the one you want. And though you bicker and you clash, and you've got little runts to drive to school, and a full-time job, and badgering coworkers, and your wife wishes you'd do more around the houselife is as warm as its ever been.

Or, maybe, you manufacture what you want. To you, Love is a label. A means by which to cement social connection, to produce intimacy, and intertwine life paths. It is tossed around like a ragdoll, to end phone conversations, before going to bed, when leaving for work, or just at random times, when it seems fitting; when you need to hear it to know it exists.

For you, these four letters are the glue. Though issues may brew and feelings may stir, Love is but a lid, a means to contain. Love is but the calm surface of deep, violent waters. "We're very much in love," you tell your friends confidently over lunch.

Though when you arrive home, it's the partner you never took who's heavy on your mind. "But it's fine," you tell yourself, "because I've moved on. I'm in love now."

Perhaps you get to thinking. People fall in love, you tell yourself. At a certain point, people need to settle down, to find their mate, the one they love. This is society, and these are the rules. And if the perfect one eludes your grasp, it's OK, you say, because you can learn to love" another.

Love takes time, you think. It doesn't have to happen right off the bat. You have to recognize it. You have to learn to recognize it. And when you do, then you can say it: that four-letter word.

A million people will define love a million ways. Are there commonalities? Sure. But what may be casual sex to one person is a physical love affair to another, and what is merely an extended period of carnal and emotional pleasure to one, is a precursor to lifelong happiness for another. Love is everything and anything and nothing all at once. It is defined, it is meaningless, and it has driven humans to write prose and poetry for as long as we can remember.

Whether we call it love, lust, attachment, attraction, or something altogether different, the human compulsion to become physically intimate with another is a powerful thing. It is a force that keeps use guessing, wondering, and can take us from the peaks of euphoria to the pits of depression.

But enough with the metaphors and the fancy language.

Lets get down to the facts; the science of human sexual attraction: