Michael Schmitz - Made for Love: Same-Sex Attraction and the Catholic Church

Made for Love

Same-Sex Attractions
and the Catholic Church

Father Michael Schmitz

Ignatius Press Augustine Institute

San Francisco Greenwood Village, CO

Ignatius Press Distribution
P.O. Box 1339
Fort Collins, CO 80522
Tel: (800) 651-1531
www.ignatius.com

Augustine Institute
6160 S. Syracuse Way, Suite 310
Greenwood Village, CO 80111
Tel: (866) 767-3155
www.augustineinstitute.org

Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are from Revised Standard Version of the BibleSecond Catholic Edition (Ignatius Edition) Copyright 2006 National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Excerpts from the English translation of the Catechism of the Catholic Church , Second Edition, 1994, 1997, 2000 by
Libreria Editrice Vaticana-United States Catholic Conference, Washington, D.C.
All rights reserved

Cover Design: Ben Dybas

2017 by Ignatius Press, San Francisco, and the Augustine Institute, Greenwood Village, CO
All rights reserved.

ISBN-978-1-62164-219-0 (PB)
ISBN 978-1-68149-795-2 (EB)
Library of Congress Control Number: 2017948977

O Lord, who are you? O Lord, who am I? This simple, profound prayer seems tailor-made for young people at the beginning of the twenty-first century. Were caught up like never before in a quest to define ourselves, to understand what makes us who we are, whats going to make someone notice and care about us. The fact that this prayer was uttered at the beginning of the thirteenth century, by the young Saint Francis of Assisi, reminds us that this human longing is a universal experience. But its also a challenge: it asks the question in a way that is not often appreciated today.

Who am I? is an important question, but we often ask the wrong audience. The answer wont be found on the Internet. It cant be crowdsourced, or found in an online poll, or measured in likes or shares or retweets. But it seems like the more connected social media becomes, the more disconnected people are, and many young people find themselves shouting into the online void and accepting whatever answer comes back the loudest. Its easy to let ourselves be defined by others, without asking whether they know us or care about us at all. Teens and young adults, in particular, face many challenges that pierce the human heart, for example, how to navigate changing roles in the family, form new friendships, settle into a new living situation, or choose a vocation or a career. But few experiences are as profoundor as potentially confusingas understanding our sexual identity and making sense of new and powerful desires for intimacy, connection, and love. Unfortunately, our secular culture does not offer much help: it tends to be subjective (Truth is what I say it is), utilitarian (The best thing is the thing that gets me what I want), and hedonistic (The best thing is the thing that brings me the most pleasure). If we ask the world, What should I do with how I feel? the answer comes back, Do what you feel like, and what makes you feel good. Were no better off than before we asked the question!

And when what were feeling is confusing already, a confused answer from the world doesnt help at all. Every young person feels sexual attractionsa desire to be intimate, physically and emotionally, with another person, to know and to belong to that person in a way that nobody else does. Sexual attractions are naturally oriented toward a person of the opposite sex, and they play a big part in making marriage and family possible and desirable. But some people, for various reasons, feel attractions for people of the same sex as themselves. This experience is difficult to understand and can leave them wondering what it means for their identity and for their future. Where can they turn to for answers when confused about their sexuality? The world seems to say that having sex is the most important experience people can have, that strong desires for connection are always sexual desires, that what they feel is always right, and that they always have to act on what they feel. Does an answer like this really help anybody?

Made for Love is an important answer to these questions about identity and sexuality. Like Saint Francis, Father Mike understands that the only real answer to the question Who am I? is to be found in the question Who are you? I can only understand myself, that is, by understanding my relationships, especially my first and most important relationship, with my Creator. When I acknowledge God as Lord of my life, then I can call out to him: O Lord, who are you? His response is something I could never have expected: I am your Father. I am your Savior. I am the source of your life. I am the destiny to which you are heading. When I know Gods identity, I know my own more fully: I am your beloved son. I belong to you. All that I have comes from you. All that I am is leading me to draw closer to you. I will listen to your Word and follow your plan for my life.

In his well-known conversational style, Father Mike writes about truths that everyone seemed to take for granted in the past, but that are downright revolutionary today:

Your existence is a gift. It is good that you exist!

Your body and soul are important.

Theres an objective truth behind everything, and you can understand it.

Sex means something deeply important and has a specific purpose.

Strong feelings dont always lead to good decisions.

Friendship is real love and not a consolation prize.

You can disagree with someone without hating him or her.

Most of all, Father Mike knows what hes talking about, and he knows how you think. That knowledge, combined with his fatherly concern and compassion, means that Made for Love proclaims one message loud and clear: You are who you are because God loves you!

Its a privilege for me to work with men and women of many ages and backgrounds who are striving to understand their experience of same-sex attractions and respond as God invites them to do. More than ever, young people are facing the same challenge and striving to make the same response, and I am grateful that Made for Love is written with you in mind. As you come to understand God and his plan more deeply, I hope that you will also understand yourself and your desires better and live more fully as the person who God made you, in love, to be.

Father Philip G. Bochanski
Executive Director, Courage International

So... Im gay.

The most important person in my life had called me the day before and told me that he wanted to drive up to Duluth, Minnesota, to talk. There we were, the next day, walking along the north shore of Lake Superior, and he was sharing one of the most personal details of his entire life with me.

What does a person say at a moment like that? What would you say or do if the person you loved most in the world bared his heart to you?

Man... you know I love you. I hugged him, and he hugged me back. I was the third person he had ever told, and my very first instinct was to let him know that this new piece of information had changed nothing. We kept on walking, and he began to share his experience with me. He had always felt different. He had always had these stirrings, but he just did his best to ignore them or avoid thinking about them. But twenty-seven years is a long time to carry a secret that weighs so much, and he needed to let it out.

Do you, um... do you have any questions?

I thought it was really thoughtful of him to ask. I only had one question: What are you going to do now?

What do you mean? Im gay... I didnt choose to feel this way.

I know. I know you didnt choose that... but what are you going to choose now ?