Chris Kelly - Downton Tabby

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For

THE ENGLISH CATS

(are the best in Europe)

A CAT MAY LOOK ON A KING.

John Heywood (c. 1497c. 1580), as quoted by a kitchen maid in some TV show

D OWNTON T ABBY . T HE STATELY Y ORKSHIRE home of the Earl and Catness of Grimalkin, their three kittensthe pretty one, the prettier one, and the other onetheir kittens kittens, their servants, and, of course, the Dowager Catness, Vibrissa.

Their evil footcat; their handsome chau-fur; the blind cook; the dopey maid; and Boots, the saintly, longsuffering valet who keeps getting framed for gnawing on things. I mean, over and over.

Their lives, loves, births, deaths, marriages, affairs, prides, prejudices, senses, sensibilities, mills, flosses, cakes, ales, high teas and funfairs, car accidents, scandals, bouts of Spanish influenza, and war with Germany.

Their blithe spirits, private lives, and easy virtues... the whole kitten caboodle.

Edward VII between feedings

ENGLAND UNDER EDWARD VII. A time of romance and leisure, grace and elegance. The cats of this enchanted era never imagined that it could all come to an end. How could they? They were cats.

Here in this pretty world, gallantry took its last bow...

Here was the last ever to be seen of knights and their ladies fair, of master and of servant...

Look for it only in coffee-table books, for it is no more than a dream remembered.

A civilization gone to the dogs.

A roast field-mousenot a housemouseis a splendid bonne bouche for a hungry boy; it eats like a lark.

C HARLES D ICKENS, QUOTING B RITISH NATURALIST F RANK B UCKLAND

I N THE EARLY YEARS OF the last century, the courtly cats of Englands stately manors lived life in much the way the owners of Englands stately manors did: someone fed them, then they spent the day grooming and sleeping and kind of ambling around, then someone fed them again.

It never occurred to either groupcats or gentrythat they should do what you might consider any work.

Cats wereand arethe gentry of the animal kingdom.

Their place in society, their role, was to provide work for others .

To be admired.

To set an example.

And the ultimate demonstration of their affection was to fall asleep on you.

I N HIS MAGISTERIAL, UNFINISHED WORK, Vom Kriege, Carl von Clausewitz wrote that in war everything is simple, but even the simplest thing is difficult. (And there are people who say Germans arent funny!)

In British high society, this rulethe simplest thing is difficultwas also true about getting dressed, taking a walk, or asking someone to pass the breadsticks.

In the morning of the twentieth century, the rules of etiquette for the manor borndictating the subtle nuance of gesture and drawing the thin line between what was done and what was notwere more byzantine than a software contract with a leprechaun.

But the basics, for cat and man, were simple, and the same: