Sophie Kinsella - Confessions of a Shopaholic

(aka The Secret Dreamworld of a Shopaholic)

ENDWICH BANK 1 Stallion Square

London W1 3HW

Ms. Rebecca BloomwoodFlat 463 Jarvis RoadBristol BS1 0DN 6 July 1997 Dear Ms. Bloomwood: Congratulations! As a recent graduate of Bristol University you are undoubtedly proud of your performance.We at Endwich are also proud of our performance as a flexible, caring bank with accounts to suit everyone. We pride ourselves particularly in our farsighted approach when it comes to customers of a caliber such as yours.We are therefore offering you, Ms. Bloomwood as a graduate a free extended overdraft facility of 2,000 during the first two years of your career. Should you decide to open an account with Endwich, this facility will be available immediately.* I do hope you decide to take advantage of this unique offer and look forward to receiving your completed form.Once again, congratulations!Yours sincerely,Nigel FairsGraduate Marketing Manager (subject to status)ENDWICH BECAUSE WE CARE

ENDWICH BANK

FULHAM BRANCH 3 Fulham Road

London SW6 9JH

Ms. Rebecca BloomwoodFlat 24 Burney Rd.London SW6 8FD 10 September 1999 Dear Ms. Bloomwood: Further to my letters of 3 May, 29 July, and 14 August, you will be aware that your free graduate overdraft facility is due to end on 19 September 1999. You will also be aware that you have substantially exceeded the agreed limit of 2,000.The current balance stands at a debit of 3,794.56.Perhaps you would be kind enough to telephone my assistant, Erica Parnell, at the above number to arrange a meeting concerning this matter.Yours sincerely,Derek SmeathManagerENDWICH BECAUSE WE CARE

ENDWICH BANK

FULHAM BRANCH 3 Fulham Road

London SW6 9JH

Ms. Rebecca BloomwoodFlat 24 Burney Rd.London SW6 8FD 22 September 1999 Dear Ms. Bloomwood: I am sorry to hear that you have broken your leg.When you have recovered, perhaps you would be kind enough to ring my assistant, Erica Parnell, and arrange a meeting to discuss your ongoing overdraft needs.Yours sincerely,Derek SmeathManager ENDWICH BECAUSE WE CARE

OK. DONT PANIC. DONT panic. Its only a VISA bill. Its a piece of paper; a few numbers. I mean, just how scary can a few numbers be?

I stare out of the office window at a bus driving down Oxford Street, willing myself to open the white envelope sitting on my cluttered desk. Its only a piece of paper, I tell myself for the thousandth time. And Im not stupid, am I? I know exactly how much this VISA bill will be.

Sort of. Roughly.

Itll be about. . 200. Three hundred, maybe. Yes, maybe 300. Three-fifty, max.

I casually close my eyes and start to tot up. There was that suit in Jigsaw. And there was dinner with Suze at Quaglinos. And there was that gorgeous red and yellow rug. The rug was 200, come to think of it. But it was definitely worth every penny everyones admired it. Or, at least, Suze has.

And the Jigsaw suit was on sale30 percent off. So that was actually saving money.

I open my eyes and reach for the bill. As my fingers hit the paper I remember new contact lenses. Ninety-five pounds. Quite a lot. But, I mean, I had to get those, didnt I? What am I supposed to do, walk around in a blur?

And I had to buy some new solutions and a cute case and some hypoallergenic eyeliner. So that takes it up to. . 400?

At the desk next to mine, Clare Edwards looks up from her post. Shes sorting all her letters into neat piles, just like she does every morning. She puts rubber bands round them and puts labels on them saying things like Answer immediately and Not urgent but respond. I loathe Clare Edwards.

OK, Becky? she says.

Fine, I say lightly. Just reading a letter.

I reach gaily into the envelope, but my fingers dont quite pull out the bill. They remain clutched around it while my mind is seized as it is every month by my secret dream.

Do you want to know about my secret dream? Its based on a story I once read in The Daily World about a mix-up at a bank. I loved this story so much, I cut it out and stuck it onto my wardrobe door. Two credit card bills were sent to the wrong people, and get this each person paid the wrong bill without realizing. They paid off each others bills without even checking them.

And ever since I read that story, my secret fantasy has been that the same thing will happen to me. I mean, I know it sounds unlikely but if it happened once, it can happen again, cant it? Some dotty old woman in Cornwall will be sent my humongous bill and will pay it without even looking at it. And Ill be sent her bill for three tins of cat food at fifty-nine pence each. Which, naturally, Ill pay without question. Fairs fair, after all.

A smile is plastered over my face as I gaze out of the window. Im convinced that this month itll happen my secret dream is about to come true. But when I eventually pull the bill out of the envelope goaded by Clares curious gaze my smile falters, then disappears. Something hot is blocking my throat. I think it could be panic.

The page is black with type. A series of familiar names rushes past my eyes like a mini shopping mall. I try to take them in, but theyre moving too fast. Thorntons, I manage to glimpse. Thorntons Chocolates? What was I doing in Thorntons Chocolates? Im supposed to be on a diet. This bill cant be right. This cant be me. I cant possibly have spent all this money.

Dont panic! I yell internally. The key is not to panic. Just read each entry slowly, one by one. I take a deep breath and force myself to focus calmly, starting at the top. WH Smith (well, thats OK. Everyone needs stationery.)Boots (everyone needs shampoo)Specsavers (essential)Oddbins (bottle of wine essential)Our Price (Our Price? Oh yes. The new Charlatans album. Well, I had to have that, didnt I?)Bella Pasta (supper with Caitlin)Oddbins (bottle of wine essential)Esso (petrol doesnt count)Quaglinos (expensive but it was a one-off)Pret Manger (that time I ran out of cash)Oddbins (bottle of wine essential)Rugs to Riches (what? Oh yes. Stupid rug.)La Senza (sexy underwear for date with James)Agent Provocateur (even sexier underwear for date with James. Like I needed it.)Body Shop (that skin brusher thing which I must use)Next (fairly boring white shirt but it was in the sale)Millets. .

I stop in my tracks. Millets? I never go into Millets. What would I be doing in Millets? I stare at the statement in puzzlement, wrinkling my brow and trying to think and then suddenly, the truth dawns on me. Its obvious. Someone else has been using my card.

Oh my God. I, Rebecca Bloomwood, have been the victim of a crime.

Now it all makes sense. Some criminals pinched my credit card and forged my signature. Who knows where else theyve used it? No wonder my statements so black with figures! Someones gone on a spending spree round London with my card and they thought they would just get away with it.

But how? I scrabble in my bag for my purse, open it and theres my VISA card, staring up at me. I take it out and run my fingers over the glossy surface. Someone must have pinched it from my purse, used it and then put it back. It must be someone I know. Oh my God. Who?

I look suspiciously round the office. Whoever it is, isnt very bright. Using my card at Millets! Its almost laughable. As if Id ever shop there.

Ive never even been into Millets! I say aloud.

Yes you have, says Clare.

What? I turn to her. No I havent.

You bought Michaels leaving present from Millets, didnt you?

I feel my smile disappear. Oh, bugger. Of course. The blue anorak for Michael. The blue sodding anorak from Millets.

When Michael, our deputy editor, left three weeks ago, I volunteered to buy his present. I took the brown envelope full of coins and notes into the shop and picked out an anorak (take it from me, hes that kind of guy). And at the last minute, now I remember, I decided to pay on credit and keep all that handy cash for myself.