Sophie Kinsella - Shopaholic to the Stars

From shopping list to A-list!

Becky Brandon (ne Bloomwood) is in Hollywood! Its as if all her life has been leading to this moment. Shes hanging out with the stars ... or at least she will be, when she finally gets to meet movie superstar Sage Seymour, whom husband Luke is now managing.

Theres so much to see and do! And getting Minnie through the hurdles for her A-list Hollywood pre-school will require some ... er ... help.

Becky sets her heart on a new career shes going to be a celebrity stylist. Red carpet, here she comes! But Becky soon finds its tough in Tinseltown. Luckily her best friend Suzie comes over to keep her company, and together they embark on the Hollywood insider trail. But somehow ... things arent quite working out as theyd hoped.

Then Beckys big chance comes, and its an opportunity that money cant buy. But will it cost her too much?

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To Patrick Plonkington-Smythe, the best bank manager ever

CUNNINGHAMS

Rosewood Center W 3rd St. Los Angeles, CA 90048

Dear Mrs Brandon

Thank you for your letter. Im glad you enjoyed your recent visit to our store.

Unfortunately, I cannot comment on whether the woman shopping at the M.A.C counter on Tuesday was Uma Thurman wearing a long dark wig. I therefore cannot tell you exactly which lipstick she bought, nor whether shes just as lovely in real life, nor pass on your note because she must want a friend to hang out with and I think wed really get on.

I wish you all the best for your forthcoming move to Los Angeles. However, in answer to your other query, we do not offer introductory discounts for new residents of LA to make them feel welcome.

Thank you for your interest.

Customer Services Department

INNER SANCTUM LIFESTYLE SPA 6540 HOLLOWAY DR. * WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA 90069

Dear Mrs Brandon

Thank you for your letter Im glad you enjoyed your recent visit to our spa.

Unfortunately, I cannot comment on whether the woman in the front row in your yoga class was Gwyneth Paltrow. Im sorry that it was hard to tell because she was always upside down.

I therefore cannot pass on your query as to how she achieves such a perfect headstand or whether she has special weights in her T-shirt; nor can I pass on your invitation to an organic tea with kale cakes.

Im glad you enjoyed our gift-and-lifestyle shop. In answer to your further question, should I meet your husband in the street, rest assured I will not tell him about your tiny splurge on organic underwear.

Thank you for your interest.

Kyle Heiling

Achievement Manager (Eastern Arts)

Beauty on the Boulevard

9500 BEVERLY BOULEVARD

BEVERLY HILLS, LOS ANGELES CA 90210

Dear Mrs Brandon

Thank you for your letter.

Unfortunately, I cannot confirm whether the woman browsing at the La Mer stand was Julie Andrews in dark glasses and a headscarf.

I therefore cannot pass on your comments, How hot was Captain von Trapp in real life? or Im sorry I sang The Lonely Goatherd at you, I was just very excited. Nor can I pass on your invitation to come round for a fun sing-along with apple strudel.

In answer to your further inquiry, we do not throw Welcome to LA parties, nor offer free gifts to new arrivals; not even teeth-whitening kits to help them fit in. However, I wish you every success with your imminent move to LA.

Thank you for your interest.

Customer Services Consultant

OK. Dont panic. Dont panic.

Ill escape from this. Of course I will. Its not like Ill be trapped here in this hideous confined space, with no hope of release, for ever is it?

As calmly as possible, I assess the situation. My ribs are squashed so that I can hardly breathe, and my left arm is pinned behind me. Whoever constructed this restraining fabric knew what they were doing. My right arm is also pinned at an awkward angle. If I try to reach my hands forward, the restraining fabric bites into my wrists. Im stuck. Im powerless.

My face is reflected, ashen, in the mirror. My eyes are wide and desperate. My arms are criss-crossed with black shiny bands. Is one of them supposed to be a shoulder strap? Does that webbing stuff go around the waist?

Oh God. I should never ever have tried on the size 4.

How are you doing in there? Its Mindy, the sales assistant, calling from outside the cubicle curtain, and I start in alarm. Mindy is tall and rangy with muscled thighs that start three inches apart. She looks like she probably runs up a mountain every day and doesnt even know what a KitKat is.

Shes asked three times how Im doing and each time Ive just called out shrilly, Great, thanks! But Im getting desperate. Ive been struggling with this Athletic Shaping All-in-One for ten minutes. I cant keep putting her off for ever.

Amazing fabric, right? says Mindy enthusiastically. It has three times the restraining power of normal spandex. You totally lose a size, right?

Maybe I have, but Ive also lost half my lung capacity.

Are you doing OK with the straps? comes Mindys voice. You want me to come in the fitting room and help you adjust it?

Come in the fitting room? Theres no way Im letting a tall, tanned, sporty Angeleno come in here and see my cellulite.

No, its fine, thanks! I squeek.

You need some help getting it off? she tries again. Some of our customers find it tricky the first time.

I have a hideous vision of me gripping on to the counter and Mindy trying to haul the all-in-one off me while we both pant and sweat with the effort and Mindy secretly thinks, I knew all British girls were heifers.

No way. Not in a million years. Theres only one solution left. Ill have to buy it. Whatever it costs.

I give an almighty wrench and manage to snap two of the straps up on to my shoulders. Thats better. I look like a chicken trussed up in black Lycra, but at least I can move my arms. As soon as I get back to the hotel room Ill cut the whole thing off myself with a pair of nail scissors, and dispose of the remains in a public bin so Luke doesnt find them and say Whats this? or, You mean you bought it even though you knew it didnt fit? or something else really annoying.

Luke is the reason Im standing in a sports apparel shop in LA. Were moving out to Los Angeles as soon as possible because of his work, and were here on an urgent house-hunting trip. Thats our focus: real estate. Houses. Gardens. Rental agreements. Very much so. Ive only popped to Rodeo Drive very, very quickly between house appointments.

Well, OK. The truth is, I cancelled a house appointment to come to Rodeo Drive. But I had to. I have a genuine reason for needing to buy some emergency running clothes, which is that Im running in a race tomorrow. A real race! Me!