Pam Stenzel - Sex Has a Price Tag. Discussions about Sexuality, Spirituality, and Self Respect

Whether youre-
a guy, a girl, young, old

whether youre from-
a big city, the suburbs, a small town, the country

whether youve dated-
never, tons, now and then, once or twice

whether you got this book from-
your parents, your best friend, your boyfriend/girlfriend

(or maybe youre standing in a bookstore right now, scanning this chapter, trying to decide what you think),

as long as youre a living, breathing human being who is interested in the topic of sex (and thats pretty much everybody, isnt it?) I guarantee that youll find at least one idea in this book that will affect your life.

But if youre a teenager who is trying to sort through the bombardment of sexual messages youre getting from the media, the schools, your friends, and your parents, not only will I guarantee youll find at least one idea in this book that will affect your life, Ill go so far as to say that the information contained in this book will change-or even save-your entire life.

Considering the hundreds of books available on dating and sex, thats a pretty bold statement to make. After all, what can one book possibly have to offer that all the others dont?

Have you ever gone shopping for something like shampoo or toothpaste (or any of that other stuff no one wants to spend money on but everyone has to have) and found yourself paralyzed by the ridiculous number of products available?

There are literally hundreds of shampoo options. Different fragrances. Different colors. Different sizes. Different brands. Different features. Different ingredients. Different promises.

Wouldnt it be nice if there werent so many choices? Or if someone was honest enough to hang up a big sign that said:

ALL OF THESE SHAMPOO PRODUCTS DO BASICALLY THE SAME THING-CLEAN YOUR HAIR. SO QUIT STRESSING OUT ABOUT WHICH IS BEST AND JUST BUY ONE ALREADY!

There are as many different books on sex and dating as there are shampoos. Each one is a little different from the others. There are some great books out there, books that contain truthful information and good advice. You might have read some of them already. There are also some rotten books out there, books full of stupid philosophies and horrible advice. Maybe youve read some of those, too.

Then there are books with information both good and bad. These books might give truthful information but bad advice, or good advice but no truthful information to back it up.

This book is an attempt to offer you both good advice about sex (based on my own personal belief that God is the creator of the entire universe and everything in it, including sex) and solid information to back it up (based on the latest statistics to come out of the medical community).

ten books out there, books full of stupid philosophies and horrible advice. Maybe youve read some of those, too.

Why do I think you should have both of these things?

Simple. Because I think God made all of us to be thinking, feeling, and believing creatures. God always gives us the freedom to make our own decisions. He never attaches us to marionette strings and makes us dance around like a puppet. If thats your idea of God, then youve got him all wrong.

If its true God lets us make our own decisions, then doesnt it make sense to base those decisions on something concrete? When youre staring at those three hundred bottles of shampoo we talked about earlier, do you ever say to yourself, Oooh, I think Ill buy this one because its pink and I love pink and besides, the TV commercial says this one is best?

No. At least I hope not.

You probably choose shampoo based on several things: personal preference (your own belief based on past experience), what your friends have recommended (the wisdom of others), and price (a concrete fact).

Those are good considerations.

Sex and shampoo dont have a lot in common, except for the fact that each one, in its own way, is part of daily life. Sex is obviously much more powerful and important. And yet many of you have probably spent far less time consciously thinking about your sexual attitudes and choices than you have about which shampoo (or toothpaste, or mouthwash, or soap, or zit cream) youre going to buy.

I hope this book will change that.

Well talk about values and beliefs-what God says about sex. Well listen to the wisdom of others-what teens and adults have learned through their own experiences, both good and bad.

And then well spend a lot of time dealing with solid facts about sex-what is likely to happen if you choose to engage in certain sexual activities in specific circumstances.

By the end of the book, I want you to be able to make wise, well-informed decisions about sex based on your beliefs, the wisdom of others, and concrete facts.

I dont want you to ever say, Ooooh, I really love this one movie where the two people in love decide to have sex before theyre married and so maybe someday Ill want to do the same thing even though my folks would freak if they ever found out and even though I know about the whole God-marriage-sex thing so of course Id be really careful not to do anything stupid like maybe get pregnant which would be so embarrassing so just to be safe maybe Ill only go almost all the way and then whats the big deal?

Listen to me very carefully

If you have sex outside of marriage, no matter who its with, no matter how careful you are, you will pay. There are consequences. Plain and simple. Thats the way it is.

I want you to know what those consequences are so you can make the wisest and safest decision.

Imagine youve just been given a truckload of cash as a gift. After recovering from the shock, you have to make some decisions about what to do with the money. You could spend it all now, save it now and spend it later, or a little of both.

Your sexuality, and specifically your virginity, is like that cash. Its been given to you as a gift. Too many people fail to realize how valuable that gift is, so they dont give serious thought to what theyll do with it. But you have to decide on your own-I cant decide for you, your parents cant decide for you, and your friends cant decide for you-whether youll save it all, spend it all, or save a little and spend a little.

I happen to believe only one of those three choices is morally right. For those of you who arent big on morality, I also believe-and this book will tell you why-that only one of those choices is logical and safe.

Ive spoken to millions of kids about sex. I also spent nine years counseling young women in a Crisis Pregnancy Center in Minneapolis. One thing Ive learned is that all teens need the information in this book-including those who go to church, those who go to youth group, even those who call themselves Christians. Its as ridiculous to assume that only non-Christians struggle with sexual behavior as it is to assume that only non-Christians struggle with gossip, lying, jealousy, or any other sin.

Fact: Some non-Christian teens are having sex, some arent.

Fact: Some Christian teens are having sex, some arent.

Regardless of whether you have or havent had sex, and regardless of what you believe or dont believe about God, please read this book.

You may disagree with my opinions. You may disagree with my values. You may disagree with my advice.

But you cant disagree with the facts.