Tim Konzen - Redeemed Sexuality: A Guide to Sexuality for Christian Singles, Campus Students, Teens, and Parents

R EDEEMED S EXUALITY

R EDEEMED S EXUALITY

A Guide to Sexuality for Christian Singles,

Campus Students, Teens and Parents

Tim Konzen and Dr. Jennifer Konzen

2018 Tim Konzen and Dr. Jennifer Konzen

Redeemed Sexuality

A Guide to Sexuality for Christian Singles,

Campus Students, Teens and Parents

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or otherexcept for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Elm Hill, an imprint of Thomas Nelson. Elm Hill and Thomas Nelson are registered trademarks of HarperCollins Christian Publishing, Inc.

Content Editor: Robin Weidner

Cover Design by Beth Weeks, SDSU School of Art & Design Managing Editor and Layout Designer: Beth Lottig

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Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION NIV Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Pre-Launch ISBN 978-1-595559517

Library of Congress Control Number: 2018939114

ISBN 978-1-595543516

ISBN 978-1-595556066 (eBook)

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Please note that footnotes in this ebook may contain hyperlinks to external websites as part of bibliographic citations. These hyperlinks have not been activated by the publisher, who cannot verify the accuracy of these links beyond the date of publication.

A CKNOWLEDGMENTS

R edeemed Sexuality came about because it was requested. At the time of the writing of this book, we have two high school students and two college students. Their friends are in our home all the time, and the teen and campus students either hang out, eat, or fellowship at our home regularly. When some of them began to hear about our book for married couples, The Art of Intimate Marriage, the question was spoken over and over, Do you have a book for singles? So our real gratitude goes to those singles and students who let their needs be known and who, like the disciples who said, Teach us to pray, they asked, Teach us about sex. Parents and those who lead ministries for teens, campus students, and singles have asked the same thing. We get calls from leaders and parents with questions on how to guide these young men and women in their sexual lives. Our thanks especially go to Cindi Whitcomb and Lisa Payne of the Los Angeles church for saying, Help! Those many requests for help became this book.

We have had some incredible couples in our lives who have helped us raise and love our own children. Words cannot express our gratitude for those who have helped us through these years. Some of you have discipled us, some of you have advised us from across many miles, and some of you have been dear friends walking this road with us. Thank you to Guillermo and Terry Adame, Ron and Linda Brumley, Ray and Janet Schalk, Paul and Kerry Schultz, Guy and Cathy Hammond, and Sheridan and Debbie Wright.

The production of this work has been possible because of some truly talented and generous people. There have been some persevering readers, editors, and designers whose input and encouragement has been invaluable. We especially want to thank Linda Brumley, Austin Boyd, Lanie Bennaton, and our editors, Beth Lottig and Robin Weidner, for reading many words and giving much needed input about those words. Thank you to Selena Idioma for the advanced readers copy book cover and the inspiration for the final cover. The beauty of this book is the result of two Beths, Beth Lottig and Beth Weeks. Thank you Beth Weeks for your beautiful interior and cover design and thank you Beth Lottig for being at the helm. You are a joy to work with. Also, for the many years of training Jennifer has received in sexuality, thank you Debra Taylor and Dr. Irwin Goldstein.

Our time with our kids is like an island in the ocean and an oasis in the desert. They have also put up with all the crazy material on our book shelves, on the table, next to the chair, and on the floor. You guys bring us so much joy. Our hope is that each of you will experience the same fun and fulfillment your parents have found in living out their marriage to glorify God. We love being your parents.

Putting this together, with all the many scriptures involved, has been a continual reminder of how wonderful it is to have God hold our hands on this journey. We are grateful that God hears our prayers and walks with us through the rivers and through the fire.

In gratitude,

Tim and Jennifer

C ONTENTS

P arental Advisory: If you are thinking of having your teen read this book, its best if that happens after you have already had a healthy, open conversation about sex with them. We generally recommend that the how babies are made conversation starts in the early grade school years (i.e., first grade or so), with many regular times of follow-up afterwards. If that has not happened with your children, its not too late. You can do it now. You will find direction for that in the last section of this book. If you do not initiate these types of conversations, someone else will. They have most likely already received sexual information via the Internet, on their school campus, or in conversations between friends. We recommend you read this book together with your child. Read a chapter and then talk about it. Read another and then talk some more.

From the beginning of this book, we will be using sexually explicit terms. If you are giving this to your teen to read or are unsure if they are ready to read this with you, seek counsel. Even in the most spiritual family, sexual topics can be sensitive and cause reactions. As you, the parent, become more comfortable, your teen will also probably relax. It can help to remind them (and yourself) that God created sex. Our bodies are sexual. We desperately need to be able to discuss this topic openly, honestly, respectfully, wisely, and biblically. With that in mind, let us continue.

When we think about sex, we often think about intercourse. When we picture what sex is, we picture two bodies engaged in the act of sex. Yet sex is so much more than that. It is more than just the experience of orgasm. It is more than the sexual parts of our bodies (our genitals). Our sexuality has the potential of being an amazing door through which we come to a deeper understanding of God. And this does not mean that the act of intercourse is that door, though it may be a part of it. Sex encompasses much more than the act of intercourse. In fact, there are people who live their whole lives without intercourse or orgasm. And yet those people are sexual. God created us male and female. Everyone born in this act of creation is a sexual creature. How someone lives out their sexuality, how someone experiences sexuality, is uniquely individual for each person. When God created us, when He created us as sexual beings, His creation was that of a master artist. We are wonderfully and fearfully made (Psalm 139:14). It is so vital that we discover both the artwork and the artist.

The master artist took some time to detail His plan for sexuality. The Bible is the only world religion text that has an entire book devoted to sex. When we look deeply at the descriptions of the sensual relationship between the Beloved and the Lover in Song of Songs, we find a beautiful, romantic, and erotic picture of what God intends for marriage. It is poetic. It is art. God intended for sex to be good, and when someone allows God to guide them in how they engage in sex, sex can bring wonder and joy. The words God uses to describe the act of sex are passion, burning, honor, pleasing, satisfying, and intoxicating. Gods description of martial sexuality is very positive.