Mary Traina - The Twentysomething Guide to Getting It Together: A Step-by-Step Plan for Surviving Your Quarterlife Crisis

Avon, Massachusetts

To all the strong, inspiring women in my family.

Do you feel like you spend all your time at work but arent any closer to realizing your career goals than you were when you first applied? Do you feel like every time you are about to go to the gym, Netflix beckons you to binge-watch? Were you kinda assuming financial stability would miraculously happen by the time you were thirty, but now it seems more likely youll have to claw your way out of debt using only self-control? If any of this sounds like you, then you are not aloneyou are a twentysomething. And like most twentysomethings, youve hit a point where youve grown tired of the struggle and are ready to take responsibility for your life and move forward to the world of savings accounts, restful nights, and clean laundry. But where do you begin?

Perhaps youve fantasized about faking your own death and starting over with a clean slate on a tropical island. But the reality is that beautiful, tropical islands are full of big, terrifying bugs and the only way out of your problems is through them. You need to actively work at achieving the balance you desire. Fortunately, The Twentysomething Guide to Getting It Together offers all the info you need to take control of your life. In , well examine ways to get it together in specific areas: middling careers, neglected health, toxic friendships, lame romances, and lingering debt. Along the way, youll read about the real life struggles of other twentysomethings, learn some fun facts, and get pro tips for when you want to take your rut-busting up a notch.

When people say your twenties are difficult, they mean your whole twenties. They dont mean that by your mid-twenties you miraculously find all the answers. No, you have to hunt those answers down if you want to become a fully independent, successful, and fulfilled adult. This book will help you fight your fears and take control. Lets get started.

PART 1

Getting Ready to Get It Together

You have to make room in your life for change; otherwise its easy to just keep falling back into bad habits. You need inspiration. Thats why this section will focus on time management and actionable tips for positive thinkingto make sure these changes stick. It will also examine the mentalities that got you into those all-too-common twentysomething ruts and how to avoid repeating the same, poor decisions moving forward. So lets go! The best way to kick off the next phase of your life is with a healthy dose of self-reflection.

Youve always had the best intentions, and maybe you really want to change your life. But what is it they say about good intentions? Oh, I know the road to hell is paved with them. For a lot of twentysomethings, its hard to sacrifice the instant gratification at their fingertips in the name of success and fulfillment that is still around the corner. For example, maybe its difficult for you to fall in love without blowing off your friends. Or maybe you tend to put a lot of thought into starting a workout routine first thing Monday morning but never seem to find the time to get to the gym.

As uncomfortable as it is to look at your mistakes, the only way to get it together is by understanding where and why you went wrong. Otherwise, history has a way of repeating itself. In this chapter, youll take a look at the factors that led you off track and learn how you can find the motivation to prioritize change, starting today. In the spirit of good intentions, allow me to first recommend an attitude adjustment: the tried-and-true Twentysomething Attitude Adjustment.

There comes a point in your twenties when you must shed your ego and leave your preconceived attitudes about being a responsible adult at the door. Its either that or suffer a slow descent into your parents basement for the rest of your days. An attitude adjustment is necessary because, after a lifetime spent in the comforting embrace of family and the friends who had to hang out with you because they were stuck in your chemistry class, your thought process is most likely not wired for adulthood. Youre wired to pass the next test, not build a career. You want everyone to think youre fun, not reliable. But its time to grow up and move on, so lets examine the adolescent attitudes that often linger and become major hindrances to success in your twenties.

Growing up, you measure your life in increments of a few years at a time: elementary school, middle school, high school, college there is a built-in reset button, and it can be difficult to rewire your mind to think about your long-term goals and desired successes. Have you seen that episode of Seinfeld where a fire alarm goes off while George is at a childs birthday party? In order to get out the door as quickly as possible, he pushes the children and elderly people out of his path. In your early twenties, you are George, and things like bills and going to the gym are the children and elderly people. Like George, you are panicky, selfish, and have trouble slowing down to do things correctly. If you can convince yourself that happy hour is actually a valuable networking opportunity, youre more than willing to push a tedious task like hitting the gym right out of the way.

This shortsighted decision making has a ripple effect. Instead of building a foundation of good habits, youre left without any structure at all. Instead of building up your credit and ensuring that youll one day have financial flexibility, youve plunged yourself into devastating credit card debt to avoid minor financial sacrifices. Next time the fire alarm goes off, take a deep breath and think long term.

Responsibilities arent obstacles you can run around or handle later; they are the key to reaching your long-term goals. So swallow your fears, and immediately handle the obstacles that stand between you and long-term success. After all, if you cut too many corners, youll end up going in circles. When the figurative fire alarm goes off, stop and think before you run for your life: What course of action wont bite you in the ass later? Lets say you need to call your landlord to discuss a rent increase. It may seem easier to just ignore that headache, pay the extra rent you cant afford, and then handle your debt when you are inevitably a millionaire. Problem solved, as soon as Mark Zuckerberg sees your potential! Except, lets be real. Nobody is coming to save you. Millionaires dont get rich by bailing out twentysomethings. Youre going to have to fight your battles one at a time. What you need to do is call up your landlord to negotiate your rent before its too late.

Building up the strength to make tough choices with long-term success in mind is a valuable foundation to have. Think of it this way: Free throws become second nature to basketball players only after theyve put in hundreds of hours of practice. Similarly, if you dont practice handling your problems head-on, youll never make your free throws. Dont lie to yourself in order to make choices that suit you in the short term. Own your decisions, understand the real reasons you are making them, and hold yourself accountable when, say, you wake up hung-over instead of ready to take on the day. Good habits can be just as addictive as bad onesand much more fulfilling. The only way to get control of your life is to buck up, buckle down, and handle yo shit. No more excuses.