Sharon M. Kaye - What Philosophy Can Tell You About Your Lover

What Philosophy Can Tell
You about Your Lover

What Philosophy Can Tell You...

What Philosophy Can Tell You about Your Cat

edited by Steven D. Hales

What Philosophy Can Tell You about Your Dog

edited by Steven D. Hales

What Philosophy Can Tell You about Your Lover

edited by Sharon M. Kaye

What Philosophy
Can Tell You about
Your Lover

Edited by
SHARON M. KAYE

OPEN COURT
Chicago and LaSalle, Illinois

To order books from Open Court, call 1-800-815-2280, or visit our website at www.opencourtbooks.com.

Open Court Publishing Company is a division of Carus Publishing Company

First printing 2012

Copyright 2012 by Carus Publishing Company. What Philosophy Can Tell You is a trademark of Carus Publishing Company. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or byany means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher, Open Court Publishing Company, a division of Carus Publishing Company, 70 East Lake Street, Suite 300, Chicago, Illinois 60601.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

What philosophy can tell you about your lover / edited by Sharon M. Kaye.....

p. cm. (What philosophy can tell you about)

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 978-0-8126-9789-6

1. Sex. 2. Sex (Psychology) 3. Love. 4. Interpersonal relations. 5. Philosophy.

I. Kaye, Sharon M.

HQ21.W68 2012

306.7dc23

2011050289

Contents

SHARON M. KAYE

UMMNI KHAN

JORDAN PASCOE

ROBERT ARP

PAUL LOADER

JACOB M. HELD

STEPHANIE ST. MARTIN

CHARLES TALIAFERRO AND M. PONTOPPIDAN

MIKE PIERO

CAROL V.A. QUINN

EMILY BARRANCO

SCOTT F. PARKER

JAMES BONEY

WEAVER SANTANIELLO

MARGARET BETZ

STACEY E. AKE

RONDA LEE ROBERTS

BENJAMIN STEVENS

CHELSEA C. HARRY

KATARINA MAJERHOLD

ADAM BARKMAN

SHAI BIDERMAN AND WILLIAM J. DEVLIN

I ts a stormy night. Youre out of town at a boring conference. With no place to go and nothing to do, you duck into a restaurant.

To your surprise, there, sitting at the bar, are some of your favorite professors from college. They beckon you to join them.

You chat for awhile about your travels and your lives. Soon the conversation turns to relationships. Your interest peaks. On the one hand, these professors have experienced all the familiar ups and downs of love. On the other hand, they have also studied what all the great sages of history make of these ups and downs.

Tonight, you have them all to yourself. They are in the mood to talk. Teacher and student facades have fallen away.

The conversation pauses for a moment. They turn to you. You raise your glass and propose a toast to lovers everywhere. Then, smiling mischievously, you add, No one leaves tonight before you tell me what you really think.

SHARON M. KAYE

At the moment of orgasm it makes absolutely no difference whom, if anyone, you are with.

JOHN MOULTON

This chapter is for the ladies. (Ladies first, you know.)

What I have to say is of no concern to you, men. And besides, Im liable to say a few things that might insult your manhood. So just run along and leave us girls to ourselves.

Now then.

Ladies, when I say this chapter is for you, I do so with the caveat that your time may in fact be better spent doing something else. After all, it will take you at least ten minutes to plow through the following pagesa valuable chunk of time for busy people, as are most women in this day and age. You could be doing something more important.

No, really. Im not just being modest. I actually know there is something better, much better, you could be doingbecause, well, because you could be getting yourself off.

Before you sprain your eyeballs rolling them in their sockets at my suggestion, let me just remind you of what you might be missing.

Hopefully, you know the process well: first theres the playful tickle, then the build-up, and the rush, and finally an extraordinary release.

The reason you feel release when you orgasm is because a multitude of wondersubstances are literally being released into your body.

First there are the endorphins, which relax the parts of the brain that cause fear and anxiety. Then theres phenetylamine, a chemical that curbs appetite, and hence aids in weight control. Next we have seratonin, which has a calming effect and generates a satisfied feeling. And dont forget DHEA (dehydroepiandrosterone), which reverses aging, improves brain function, increases fat metabolism, revitalizes the cardiovascular system, promotes healthy skin, and strengthens the immune system. Those who have regular orgasms have much higher levels of immunoglobin A, an antibody that fights infection such as colds and the flu.

Most importantly, at the big moment, the hypothalamus releases extra oxytocin into your system. Called the cuddle hormone, oxytocin creates the urge to bond, be affectionate, and protect. New mothers are drunk on the stuff. Its like a natural form of ecstasy.

Considering all of these benefits, and more, you may just want to put this book down right now and get busy....

On the other hand, perhaps you rolled your eyes (and Im not saying you did, Im just saying I wouldnt be surprised if you did). Perhaps you rolled your eyes because you thought it rather inappropriate for me to bring up the subject of paddling the ol canoe at all.

Now why would I think you might think that?

Well, even in our enlightened day and age, many women are apparently scandalized by this topic. Oprah recently devoted an hour to it and received a boatload of ridicule for her trouble.

People often ridicule things that make them uncomfortable.

According to a study Joyce McFadden published in the Huffington Post, seventy percent of women feel guilty about trolling the triangle and eighty percent of them were never taught about it as a normal aspect of female sexuality.

Despite being generally skeptical about such studies, I am inclined to believe this one because I myself have had plenty of bad experiences with the topic.

Just one story to illustrate.

I used to get myself off manually and several years ago I sort of sprained my hand doing it. Actually, I was diagnosed with a condition known as trigger finger, which is similar to carpel tunnel. And so, I finally bought a good vibrator and wore a wrist brace for awhile. Naturally, when friends and colleagues saw me wearing the brace, they would ask what happened.

In a few cases, I told the truth. I was none too pleased with the reactions I got.

Why should I have to lie about such an important health issue? Why are so many of us so uptight about this topic? Well, thats actually what this chapter is about. Its a problem of the utmost importance to your love life.

Im here to tell you that we have philosophers to blame for the notion that checking for squirrels is anathema. And we ought to be plenty pissed off about it.

As the makers of the HBO series Rome bravely revealed, the ancient progenitors of Western Civilization were a bawdy bunch, male and female alike. Sex was a festive part of Roman society and women, or at least women of privilege, got what they needed.

Witness ancient Roman mythology, which, as just one small part of an outrageously sexy panoply, portrays a woman named Leda getting off with a swan. Of course, some will insist that Leda was being raped by Zeus