Helbig - Grace & style : the art of pretending you have it

Also by Grace Helbig...

Graces Guide

First published in Great Britain by Simon & Schuster UK Ltd, 2016

A CBS COMPANY

Copyright 2016 by Grace Helbig

Certain names have been changed.

This book is copyright under the Berne Convention.

No reproduction without permission.

All rights reserved.

The right of Grace Helbig to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988.

Simon & Schuster UK Ltd

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London WC1X 8HB

www.simonandschuster.co.uk

Simon & Schuster Australia, Sydney

Simon & Schuster India, New Delhi

The author and publishers have made all reasonable efforts to contact copyright-holders for permission, and apologise for any omissions or errors in the form of credits given. Corrections may be made to future printings.

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN: 978-1-4711-5251-1

Ebook ISBN: 978-1-4711-5252-8

Interior design by Shawn Dahl, dahlimama inc

Photographs by Robin Roemer

Printed in Italy by L.E.G.O SpA

This book is dedicated to insecurity and fear.

Two of my best friends and closest enemies.

contents

introduction

My eating disorder started during my senior year of high school.

wHOa. I KnOw. waY TO KIcK THInGs OFF On a Fun, LIGHTHearTeD nOTe, HeLBIG.

But lets just go with it for a second. Because this book, this smattering of my thoughts on style and fashion and beauty, has been a really difficult thing for me to wrap my head around. I assumed itd be easy to brain-barf some HILarIOus feelings about tank tops and tube socks onto paper, but every time I tried to sit down to do it, I hit a wall. And then another wall. And another. Any countries out there looking to send a message to their neighbors and need help? Turns out Im really great at putting up walls. HaHaHaHa , depressing sigh.

Once I started investigating why I was having so much trouble writing, I realized that no matter how funny you try to make the concept of beauty, it can still be a personal and sensitive topic for a lot of people, myself included. And I didnt want to pretend otherwise. And I definitely didnt want anything in this book to come across as arrogant or preachy because Ive been negatively affected by the people and the images and the concepts touted by the fashion industries, so the last thing I want to do is trigger any insecurities you might have.

I wanted to take a second at the beginning of this book to give you a quick overview of my history of insecurity before getting into my present-day reflections on style. This is one part selfish and one part hopefully helpful. Selfish, because one of the ways I got out of the darkest period of my eating disorder was by talking about it; and hopefully helpful, because another way I got out of feeling so alone was by reading a butt-ton of books written by women who had also struggled with their body image. You see, YouTube didnt exist during that time; instead, I bought books hoping to hear someone elses story of suffering so I might feel less alone... BOOKs, YOu GuYs . So, who knows, my hope is that sharing this pretty sad personal time in my life might allow one singular person to feel less alone. And thats completely worth it.

Or maybe youre just here to find out five great tips for avoiding camel toe.

Or maybe youre just here to find out five great tips for avoiding camel toe. Thats great, too! And trust me, well get to that!

I was a jock in high school. I was on the tennis team every fall, the indoor track team every winter, and the outdoor track team every spring. I grew up doing gymnastics and playing soccer and football with my brothers, so sports became my outlet. I also grew up socially awkward, so more individualized sports, like tennis and track, became mY Jam .

During the fall of my senior year of high school, I worked my way up to third singles on the tennis team (tennis teams have a hierarchyyou have to work your way up from playing doubles to playing singlesat least thats how it worked in Jersey, maybe thats completely wrong and when every other state decided how high school tennis teams worked, Jersey was too busy buying test-tube shots and it missed the general consensus). Though I mostly played singles matches that season, depending on the team we went up against I occasionally played doubles with my friend Maddy, who was a grade below me.

Everyone on the team loved Maddy, myself included. She was fun and outgoing and pretty and incredibly silly. The idea of consequences never seemed to exist in her mental filing cabinets. Every away match we had, shed try to moon at least one car driving behind our bus, even if it was our sixty-year-old coach at the wheel. She had a great sense of humor and an effortlessly charming chaos about her that I envied. Maddy and I were both lanky, sloppy tennis players, so it was always fun playing doubles with her. Shed scream nonsensical things whenever she missed a shot and wed spend most of our matches laughing at our dumb mistakes. She never took it too seriously, which was the best because at the end of the day, it was HIGH scHOOL tennis. She brought out a lot of the dumb, fun side of me that I wasnt confident enough to bring out on my own. I could never understand how she seemed so free of insecurities and fear.

On top of all of that, everyone on the team used to say we looked exactly alike and that we could be twins. Which always made me feel good and slightly embarrassed because I thought Maddy was really pretty and I thought no one ever looked at me. Except one day someone casually tossed aside a comment that Maddy was skinnier than me.

Cue the record-player scratch.

Huh?

I knew it wasnt said with malicious intent, but it was something I just couldnt get myself to unhear. I had never really considered my body or its shape before. I had lean genes via my parents and I had always been active. I also didnt get my period until my senior year, so my boobs and hips were nowhere to be found. I was tall and lanky and uncomfortable; I was like a walking stick bug.

Still, I couldnt understand why skinniness was even a thing to remark on? Was it important? It must be important. Everyone loved Maddy. So if I want to be loved like Maddy, I should be more like Maddy. I should get skinnier (thank God for my high-school-level deductive-reasoning skills).

So thats what I did. That winter I started focusing on my fitness. I started working out on my own after my winter and spring track practices and spent my free time looking up and making healthy, low-calorie recipes from food websites. My antisocial self loved having something to focus on other than a constant fear of human interaction. But my newfound healthy hobby quickly became my secret, obsessive game.