Robert Weiss - Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction

Health Communications, Inc.

Deerfield Beach, Florida

www.hcibooks.com

The descriptions and stories in Sex Addiction 101 purposely do not identify specific individuals or their stories. As confidentiality lies at the very center of the psychotherapeutic relationship, we have taken the most exacting measures to preserve the privacy of all real persons. All names are fictitious and all other recognizable features have been changed. Furthermore, the people and circumstances portrayed in these pages are composite in nature; each case represents a great many individuals whose characteristics and experiences have been adapted conceptually, carefully altered in their specifics, and combined to form illustrative viewpoints, characters, and stories. Any resemblance of such composites to actual persons is entirely coincidental.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
is available through the Library of Congress

2015 Robert Weiss

ISBN-13: 978-07573-1843-6 (Paperback)
ISBN-10: 07573-1843-6 (Paperback)
ISBN-13: 978-07573-1844-3 (ePub)
ISBN-10: 07573-1844-4 (ePub)

All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher.

HCI, its logos, and marks are trademarks of Health Communications, Inc.

Publisher: Health Communications, Inc.
3201 S.W. 15th Street
Deerfield Beach, FL 334428190

Cover and Interior design by Lawna Patterson Oldfield

ePub created by Dawn Von Strolley Grove

Contents

Bonus Chapter for Therapists:
The Unofficial Diagnosis of Sexual Addiction

Additional material, worksheets, and writing exercises may be found by visiting www.hcibooks.com.

This book is dedicated to those individuals (below) who pioneered and persevered in the early research and treatment of addictive sexual and intimacy disorders. If not for each one of you , this book would never have been written, nor would I still be alive to write it. Sex Addiction 101 is a summation of your commitment to sound ideas and solid research. Thus, this book belongs to all of you, as well as to the reader. You are the pioneering researchers; writers and therapists who risked your professional reputations and careers to help all of us make sense of this shameful, hidden, emotional disorder (compulsive, addictive, non-offending sexual behavior).

Even when surrounded by professional arrogance, dismissal, and derision, you fearlessly beat back the bushes of cultural prejudice and fear, offering hope to people who surely had none. You constantly discussed the issues that no one wanted to discuss and you never stopped talking about them, even when it was uncomfortable or out of fashion. By standing firm in your truth, each of you have helped even the most shamed addict hold out hope that their life might have genuine worth and valueregardless of their prior history. And I am one of those people. Thus, I am personally and professionally forever in all of your debt. As are the tens of thousands of recovering people whose lives are now forever changed for the better because you stood up for them when no one else would.

This book is dedicated to:

Thank you. Each of you has contributed to making our world a better place.

This is not a book about morality, cultural beliefs, cultural norms, or religion. It is not written as a challenge to those who enjoy recreational sexuality or nontraditional sexuality, either casually or as a lifestyle. As a mental health and addiction professional, it is not my job to judge such behaviors in any way. Instead, I have written this book to help people whose sexual fantasies and activities have run amok to the point where theyve become a driving life forceoverriding their personal goals, beliefs, and lifestyle. In other words, this book is written for those whose abusive and/or addictive involvement with objectified, often non-intimate sexuality, consistently and persistently distracts them from larger personal goals like academic achievement, career development, intimate relationships, recreation, emotional health, and community. Within these pages, I offer understanding, compassion, direction, and hope to those who are too ashamed, fearful, or embarrassed to reach out in other ways.

Although there are many views about whether things like pornography, virtual sex, casual/anonymous sex, and nontraditional sex are right or wrong, good or bad, moral or immoral, it is not the intent of this book to define or address these issues in any meaningful way. I support every adult in his or her right to engage in any solo or mutually consensual (and legal) sexual activity or experience that provides pleasure, satisfaction, and fulfillment. I do not believe that anyone, therapist or not, has the right to judge what turns someone on or how a person pursues sexual activityas long as that persons choices do not violate the intrinsic rights and safety of self or others. In short, my work is not focused on what is ethically or politically correct for any individual or the culture at large. With pornography, for instance, I do not promote censorship, nor do I believe that all porn is automatically problematic or exploitative, though some (child porn, for instance) certainly can be.

My primary goal is to assist people who struggle with compulsive and addictive sexual behaviors by helping them to identify their problem as the chronic emotional disorder it is, and to then understand that the problem can be put into remission with proper care and directionjust like alcoholism, compulsive gambling, eating disorders, and/or drug addiction. In a nutshell, I want those who are suffering from sexual addiction to know that their sexual concerns can be addressed without shame or moral/cultural/religious bias. I also seek to offer direction and insight to therapists who may be unfamiliar with the treatment of sexually addicted clients. But most of all, I want to offer sex addicts hope, letting them know that long-term change and healing are possible to anyone willing to invest in the hard work of personal growth and integrity.

Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT-S

Mention sex addiction and most peoples response is, Sounds fun. Where do I sign up? In reality, however, sexual addiction is as devastatingly un-fun as a full-blown addiction to alcohol, crystal meth, heroin, and/or any other intensely pleasurable and/or dissociative high. All of these behaviors (sex included) typically start out as a good time, and many people who engage in them feel great... for a while. But among those individuals who struggle with underlying emotional or psychological issues such as profound childhood or adult trauma, anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem the tide will eventually turn, and instead of wanting alcohol, drugs, sex, gaming, and/or to binge eat they end up needing alcohol, drugs, sex, gaming and/or binge eatingjust to feel okay. Before they even realize it, theyre feeding the beast, drinking, using, or acting out, not to get high with friends, party, and have a great time, but to escape the pain of living life on lifes terms.