Mike Genung - The Road to Grace: Finding True Freedom from the Bondage of Sexual Addiction

B LAZING G RACE P UBLISHING

PO Box 25763

Colorado Springs, CO 80936

The Road to Grace; Finding True Freedom from the Bondage of Sexual Addiction

20062012 by Mike Genung

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced without written permission, except for brief quotations in books and critical reviews. For information or reprint permissions, contact Blazing Grace Publishing at the address above.

Scripture quotations taken from the New American Standard Bible, Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. www.Lockman.org

The stories that appear in this book are based on the lives of real people. Names and details have been changed to protect the confidentiality of these individuals.

Cover Design 2006 TLC Graphics, www.TLCGraphics.com.

ISBN-13: 978-0-9787756-0-5

ISBN-10: 0-9787756-0-0

ISBN: 9780978775629

SAN: 851-6022

Printed in USA

More copies of this book can be ordered at www.roadtograce.net.

T O M ICHELLE

You unknowingly married a young man in 1989 who was a sex addict, and then endured 10 years of sorrow as he was unfaithful to you mentally, physically and emotionally.

The grace you have shown by forgiving me for wounding you so deeply is priceless.

You are my soul mate, and I love you.

T O J ESUS

This book was written because You changed my life by filling my heart with the love of God, in spite of the fact that Id spent much of my life betraying You. Thank You for bringing this prodigal son home. You are my First Love. May You use this book to set the hearts of many on fire with love for You.

Table of Contents

chapter one

Lies, Truth, and Hope

BUT WE SHOULD ALWAYS GIVE THANKS TO GOD FOR YOU, BRETHREN BELOVED BY THE LORD, BECAUSE GOD HAS CHOSEN YOU FROM THE BEGINNING FOR SALVATION THROUGH SANCTIFICATION BY THE SPIRIT AND FAITH IN THE TRUTH.

2 Thessalonians 2:13

I realized I had a serious problem with sexual addiction in June of 1991. I was out of control, masturbating with pornography at least once a day. It didnt matter if I was home alone when my wife, Michelle, was out of the house, or if I was in a hotel room when traveling for business.

I fell hardest in the hotels. The isolation and loneliness, coupled with the temptation to watch a porn movie, were too much for me. Id spend the night binging on lust, and would face a long day of sales calls on two hours of sleep and a raging hangover of shame.

Id attended church most of my life and knew all of the sexually immoral shall not inherit the kingdom of God verses, but the fear of judgment did little more than add to my burden of shame. Willpower didnt work; I tried to quit many times. The harder I fought the more I fell. Like most nave young men, I thought getting married would eliminate my lust problem, but the inevitable friction that surfaces between a man and woman raised in completely different, often dysfunctional family settings had me running to porn more than when I was single. My innocent young wife of two years knew the Christian Dr. Jekyll side of me, but she didnt know about the guy hiding in the shadows, Mr. Hyde.

Since other Christians didnt talk about struggling with porn or sexual sin, I assumed something was seriously wrong with me; I even had doubts if I was really a Christian. I figured I better get help before I went too far and lost my marriage.

But where should I go for help?

I knew I couldnt go to the church; Id tried that before. In 1990, Michelle and I went to a church-sponsored marriage retreat in the San Bernardino Mountains. Unbeknownst to my wife, Id gone on a porn binge a few days before the retreat and, as usual, was hung over from shame.

We warmed up on Saturday morning by singing praises to God. The clean, uplifting music and the sights of Gods majestic creation rubbed salt in my sores of shame. As the morning progressed it got worse until I couldnt take it any longer; I had to talk to someone. The retired pastor who was teaching seemed warm and friendly, and I decided to talk to him about my struggle with porn.

When we were dismissed for the break, I told Michelle I wanted to talk to the retreat leader for a moment and would catch up with her later. I approached him nervously; Id never opened up to anyone with this before

Hi uhh, I appreciate the things youre sharing with us and I uh Im having a problem with something I need to talk about.

He smiled: Sure! Whats the problem?

I felt a bit of relief wash over me. So far this was going well. I uh have a problem I swallowed hard. With pornography its something Ive struggled with for a long time I was hoping you might have some advice for what to do.

His expression darkened; he was obviously in the presence of a sinner, me, and I needed to be set straight. He bored into me with his eyes and let loose: Just stop doing it! Just stop!

I nodded weakly and walked away, looking for a hole to crawl into, thankful the retreat leader didnt attend my church.

I shuddered. What if Id told someone from my church? I could see the announcement in the Sunday morning bulletin now: Mike Genung confessed hes a sex addict; First Corinthians expulsion ceremony tonight at 6:30 p.m. in the worship center; coffee and dessert will be served afterwards.

Id been going to a female Christian psychologist for a few years, but I couldnt talk to a woman about my porn problem. I thought about my male friends, but all the men I spent time with worked in the same industry I did; if they spread the word that Mikes a porno I didnt want to think about it.

What about my wife? Oh yeah, I could see it now. Honey, I cant stop masturbating to pictures of other naked women think you can pray for me? Id be singing the country song that lady whod been married seven times used to sing: DIVORCE. All our friends would know and Id have to move to some desolate place like Alaska to start over.

My church, my counselor, my friends and my wife were out. What was left?

Id heard about Alcoholics Anonymous and thought perhaps there was a similar program for people who struggled with sexual addiction. I looked in the yellow pages and found a 12-step group for sex addicts. The meetings were held once a week in a city 45 minutes away by car, and they met that night.

I mumbled to Michelle about having something I needed to take care of, and took off on the 60 freeway heading east. Normally I would have enjoyed the drive, but I was too nervous about the meeting. I pictured myself sitting in a dimly lit room with a bunch of sleazy-looking guys wearing dirty clothes and mean expressions. I almost turned back.

The meeting was held in a mental hospital consisting of flat, white buildings, with a look not unlike an insane asylum. I entered the front building and approached the visitor station, which was attended by a girl dressed in street clothes. A wave of shame surged over me; telling a woman that I struggled with lust was the last thing I wanted to do.

Wheres the room for uh the group for sex addiction? She looked at me as if I was just another mental case and pointed me to where I needed to go, a room around the corner from her station.