Erica Etelson - Beyond Contempt: How Liberals Can Communicate Across the Great Divide

Praise for Beyond Contempt

Whether youre debating a talk show host, co-worker, or Fox addicted Uncle Ralph at Thanksgiving, this book will teach you how to reach peoples minds and hearts without wounding them in ways that produce the opposite result you wanted. Brilliant!!

Thom Hartmann, NY Times bestselling author and Americas #1 progressive talk show host

Read this book! Connection is the deep strategy for winning in politicsand in life. Beyond Contempt shows us ways to align our communication style with our values of inclusion, open-mindedness, and kindness.

Joan Blades, co-founder, Living Room Conversations, MomsRising, and MoveOn.org

Etelson channels her first-hand experience going door-to-door in this insightful exploration of how to connect with people, bridge divides, and communicate effectively across differences. She highlights the principles our canvassers practice every night: rather than tell voters what they believe is wrong, start by listening, treat people with respect, and introduce new information.

Matt Morrison, executive director, Working America, AFL-CIO

Etelsons book is a true gem. It poignantly and compellingly captures the disdainful attitudes and counterproductive conversational strategies that many progressives employ when talking to conservative people. There are numerous clarifying examples provided to help support the sharp and probing analysis, as well as numerous gems of insight about the predicament we are in. The extremely illustrative and practical suggestions in the second half of the book about what folks can do is wonderful. The book helped improve both my thinking about the divide and the language that I will use when trying to nudge other progressives toward greater compassion and effectiveness. Beyond Contempt is an excellent resource for any liberal who wants to heal our divided nation or to pursue the goal of becoming more persuasive with conservatives.

David Campt, principal, The White Ally Toolkit, an initiative of The Dialogue Company

An extraordinary work, simultaneously sharply critical and brilliantly optimistic. Beyond Contempt makes the profound case that style is content, and the quality of our rhetoric matters. Heres a brilliant book that maintains that the goal for progressives is not merely recovery of leadership and power, but the creation of frameworks of logic and values that are consistent with our longer term goals. This is a revelatory work, positive and brilliant.

Jerry Mander, founder, International Forum on Globalization, and author, The Capitalist Papers, and In the Absence of the Sacred

Beyond Contempt carries a profound message that is beyond the scope of any brand of partisan politics. It is a map for how to create sustainable societal change from a place of integrity that aligns with the kind of world we want to create.

Fareen Jamal, lawyer, accredited mediator, past chair, Ontario Bar Association (OBA) Family Law Section, 2014 OBA Heather MacArthur Memorial Young Lawyers Award

Erica Etelson has the courage to hold up the mirrorfirst, to look at herself with unflinching honesty, and then to invite the rest of us to see how our disdain exacerbates the divide. She does not stop there, thankfully, but goes on to offer us a solutiona tool for changing our attitude so that we can be curious, direct, true to ourselves, and kinder to others. Erica Etelson can be our guide back to humanity. I hope you will take the mirror, and then follow her lead.

Carolyn Wilkes Kaas, associate dean, Experiential Education, co-director, Center on Dispute Resolution, Quinnipiac University School of Law

In a political environment marred by Trumps extreme impropriety, its easy for progressives to lose sight of our own role in deepening the divide. Beyond Contempt shows us why treating all people with respect is essential to our democracy and the key to building a winning coalition for 2020 and beyond.

Karin Tamerius, MD, founder, Smart Politics

Copyright 2020 by Erica Etelson.

All rights reserved.

Cover design by Diane McIntosh. Cover Image: iSock.

Printed in Canada. First printing November 2019.

Inquiries regarding requests to reprint all or part of Beyond Contempt should be addressed to New Society Publishers at the address below. To order directly from the publishers, please call toll-free (North America) 1-800-567-6772, or order online at www.newsociety.com

Any other inquiries can be directed by mail to:

New Society Publishers

P.O. Box 189, Gabriola Island, BC V0R 1X0, Canada

(250) 247-9737

LIBRARY AND ARCHIVES CANADA CATALOGUING IN PUBLICATION

Title: Beyond contempt : how liberals can communicate

across the great divide / Erica Etelson.

Names: Etelson, Erica, 1967 author.

Description: Includes bibliographical references and index.

Identifiers: Canadiana (print) 20190169958 | Canadiana (ebook) 20190169966 | ISBN 9780865719170 (softcover) | ISBN 9781550927092 (PDF) | ISBN 9781771423052 (EPUB)

Subjects: LCSH: Interpersonal communication. | LCSH: Political cultureUnited States. | LCSH: United StatesPolitics and government.

Classification: LCC HM1166 .E84 2019 | DDC 302.2dc23

New Society Publishers mission is to publish books that contribute in fundamental ways to building an ecologically sustainable and just society, and to do so with the least possible impact on the environment, in a manner that models this vision.

Note to Readers

The names and personal details of some people in this book have been changed to conceal their identity.

In writing this book, Ive had to do something I try to avoid, which is to give unsolicited feedback concerning other peoples speech. For every example I cite, there are hundreds more, including my own. The people whose speech I critique are not the villains of the story.

Book website: ericaetelson.com/beyondcontempt

Note to Conservative Readers

This book is written with a left-leaning readership in mind, and all of the analysis and examples stem from a left-wing perspective that takes for granted certain beliefs conservatives probably dont share. Powerful Non-Defensive Communication (PNDC), the technique used throughout this book to articulate political opinions, is itself nonpartisan. Sharon Strand Ellisons book, Taking the War Out of Our Words, teaches PNDC in a non-ideological context.

Only when youve

seen it all,

the depths and heights

and breadths of pain

inside yourself

and then begin

to recognize

its really no different

in essence

from anyone elses,

anyone who hurts in mind

heart, body

who feels as you do

angry, beaten, in despair

that we all feel enough

in every breath

whatever we needed,

did or didnt do

Only when youve

let it all,

this knowing, take residence

inside your heart, mind

the loving thought, its evil twin,