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Table of Contents
Chapter 1: Introduction
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Have you ever been in a conversation where you just had that nagging feeling that something was off? The other person was sincerely trying to convince you off something, but you just weren't sold. Maybe it was the way they weren't making eye contact with you or maybe they were trying too hard to keep smiling. Often enough when were lying were betrayed by our body language. Body language can sometimes reveal a person's true thoughts, emotions, & intentions. People can be oblivious of all the non-verbal clues theyre displaying so their body language can actually be more honest than their verbal exchange. They can mould their words to suit their needs as theyll speak to further their agendas but they often forget about body language.
You can say that body language falls under the heading of non-verbal communication. Its all about people expressing their thoughts & emotions, intentions & hesitations through physical gestures. It can simply include all of the various manifestations including gestures & body postures, gaze directions & space invasions along with facial expressions of course.
Have you noticed how some people somehow add colour to their stories by moving their hands as they speak? Have you ever been charmed by someones smile. Perhaps taken in so completely by someones enthusiasm that you went along with the craziest of plans? Also do you wish that youd the same skill, that you could easily read people? By understanding the signs & signals of body language, you can more easily read other people. Hence, you can even communicate better with them.
Body language, whichs a form of non-verbal communication, actually aids verbal communication. Thiss only when its not contrary to whats being said. Some experiments have even concluded that most of the information we derive from an exchange with someone doesnt come from their words but rather from their own body language.
Try & observe someone whos known as a good speaker. All good salesmen use effective body language to communicate with people & convince them. A pat on the back can signal encouragement & encroach on someone's personal space can be taken as a sign of menace. You also dont always have to speak to express but rather sometimes, actions do speak louder than words.
This book is aimed towards providing you a better understanding of body language. Well methodically cover all components. Itll provide you with a basic understanding of human behaviour & itll help you arrive at better communication by providing you with practical examples & exercises.
Youll see the most common body language gestures people adopt in various settings & how you can use nonverbal cues & signals to communicate more effectively.
Body language & connection
Jack always believed that he got along very well with all of the people t work. However, if you were to ask them, the story wouldve been different. They wouldve told you that theyre not at very friendly terms with him but rather happen to find him scary & intimidating. Some might not be able to tell you exactly why that is. Others would say that maybe its the way he looks at you very intensely, like hes measuring you up & finding you lacking like he wouldn't want to be friends. Some would say that he always sounds combative, like everything he says is a rebuttal to what you said. One co-worker would say that Jack often makes him feel stupid while another would say that Jack isnt very open to sharing.
Jack is actually a nice guy who doesn't realize that hes creating trouble for himself. He cares about his friends & hes likely to offer help to anyone who needs it. He doesn't know whats holding him back from forging a proper connection with people. Irene is another example. She has never done a mean thing in her life & she has a kind word for everyone yet her overtures are often rebuffed. Her dinner invitations are never met with enthusiasm & shes sometimes not even included in social gatherings. She tries hard, but she doesn't know why people just don't get along well with her.
If you were to ask someone she works with, theyll tell you that its difficult to be in the same room with her because she just fills it with nervous energy. Theyll tell you that her voice is too shrill & she laughs too loudly. She tries to hard to be friendly & comes off as being fake. She has no concept of personal space & often can be too touchy feely. Shes not much liked.
Both Jack & Irene are suffering from obliviousness.
So often people are blind to whats going on around them. They fail to notice the subtle clues in other peoples behaviours that should give them their own cues. If you asked people to walk into a room with some people & then come outside, close their eyes & describe them, often theyd fail to remember important details. Its not that things arent in front of them but rather they fail to register or notice those things. People are always seeing whats going on in front of them but often they fail to notice even the most glaring of situations.
Poor Jack & Irene fail to notice the effect theyve on people & they also fail to notice their own behaviours that set people off.
We interact with the world around us with our bodies. A simple wave can be seen as a sign of welcome & a grinding of teeth as a sign of aggression. Smart people pick up on those subtle clues in the other persons behaviours & they modify their own behaviour accordingly.
