Neil A. Fiore - Practical Solutions to Everyday Problems

PRACTICAL SOLUTIONS

TO EVERYDAY PROBLEMS

PRACTICAL SOLUTIONS

TO EVERYDAY PROBLEMS

Achieve Inner Peace and Optimal Performance

Neil A. Fiore, Ph.D.

Published 2021 by Gildan Media LLC

aka G&D Media

www.GandDmedia.com

Copyright 2021 by Neil A. Fiore

No part of this book may be used, reproduced or transmitted in any manner whatsoever, by any means (electronic, photocopying, recording, or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. No liability is assumed with respect to the use of the information contained within. Although every precaution has been taken, the author and publisher assume no liability for errors or omissions. Neither is any liability assumed for damages resulting from the use of the information contained herein.

First Edition: 2021

Front cover design by David Rheinhardt of Pyrographx

Interior design by Meghan Day Healey of Story Horse, LLC.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request

eISBN: 978-1-7225-2636-8

10987654321

Contents

Part I
Practical Solutions

Part II
Beyond Practical Solutions Digging Deeper

To the Reader

Practical Solutions to Everyday Problems gives you not just a sample but the essence of applying strategic, solution-focused therapy to resolving what I call normal problems. It is my hope that it will set you free of erroneous concepts, feelings, and beliefs about yourself that may be keeping you from experiencing the full joy of your unique version of life. In these pages you could find a new perspective on how to live your life free of excessive anxiety, stress, and worry. You could discover how to tap deeper resources within yourself that have been repressed by early training and fear. It is my hope that this book will help you warm to life those aspects of your true self that you had to freeze away in order to fit in or to just survive.

Acknowledgments

This book is the result of over forty years of work as a clinical psychologist with clients and as a coach to entrepreneurs and CEOSand from work on myselfto discover clear and practical paths to inner peace and optimal performance. This book is dedicated to my coaching and therapy clients who have motivated me to provide practical solutions to problems for which they have courageously sought help.

Writing Practical Solutions to Everyday Problems would have taken longer and been more difficult and less enjoyable without the support, advice, and encouragement of Diana Marie Nugent, Penny Washbourn, and Marika Kuzma.

Practical Solutions to Everyday Problems also results from my study of the writings and examples given by many notable thinkers and authors, several of whom Ive had the good fortunate to study with directly. I recommend their books to you if you wish to read the primary sources from which Ive drawn many of the concepts and exercises contained in this book. They include: Roberto Assagioli, Sylvia Boorstein, Joan Borysenko, Joseph Campbell, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, the Dalai Lama, Ram Dass, Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, Anthony de Mello, Wayne Dyer, Karlfried Durckheim, Milton H. Erickson, Matthew Fox, Erich Fromm, Tim Gallwey, Kabir Edmund Helminski, Jean Houston, Louise Kaplan, Harold Kushner, Thich Nhat Hanh, Carl Jung, Jack Kornfield, George Leonard, Stephen Levine, Donald Meichenbaum, Dan Millman, Wayne Muller, Michael Murphy, Wendy Palmer, Fritz Perls, H. W. L. Poonja, John C. Robinson, David Richo, Ernest Rossi, Martin Seligman, Herbert and David Spiegel, Charles Spielberger, Richard Suinn, D. T. Suzuki, Shunryu Suzuki, John and Helen Watkins, Alan Watts, John Welwood, Ken Wilber, and Colin Wilson.

Introduction

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedomsto choose ones attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose ones own way.

VIKTOR E. FRANKL, Mans Search for Meaning

This book is based on my work as a psychologist and coach applying solutions-focused therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectic behavioral therapy (DBT), and clinical hypnosis to help clients with relatively normal problems to live productive and joyful lives. Practical Solutions offers tools for living a satisfying life through self-mastery and self-leadership.

This book is not psychoanalysis, nor is it a substitute for individual therapy; it is the application of common sense and strategic psychology to the creative resolution of problems that routinely keep many of us stuck. As opposed to the all too frequent Why did you spill the milk?, this pragmatic approach asks, How can you clean it up? Instead of assuming that the one spilling the milk has some hidden motive or has something wrong with them, the approach offered here focuses attention on fixing the problem and dealing with the task at hand. It is based on the belief that to be optimally effective and productive, we need to focus on the task, not judge the individual.

This work is based on my experience as a licensed psychologist at the Counseling Center at the University of California, Berkeley, and in private practice; as the author of six books; and as an international speaker who has given hundreds of workshops and presentations around the world (including at the Smithsonian Institution, the Commonwealth Club, Esalen Institute, Kaiser hospitals, the University of California at San Francisco, Stanford University, and St. Peters University). But a more compelling reason to read and apply the strategies and tools of Practical Solutions to Everyday Problems may be what I learned as a survivor: of what was diagnosed as terminal cancer at the age of thirty-two; and as a survivor of the war in Vietnam while serving with the 101st Airborne Division. These experiences rapidly transformed my life and sparked my passion to discover how to help others make rapid changes without suffering through cancer, war, or years of therapy.

Facing a life-threatening diagnosis replaces arrogance with a more realistic humility for our human vulnerability and replaces fear with the knowledge that once we have faced the worst, there is nothing more to fear but inaction. Join me in taking positive steps toward a fuller life by identifying and addressing the major issues that may be keeping you from fully enjoying and celebrating your life.

Practical Solutions outlines the most frequent issues that clients present in my office. To each of these issues I have given suggestions called Practical Solution, Imagery, Putting It to Use, and Hot Tip.

Objectives

1. Readers will learn how their self-talk can cause either inner peace or stress and anxiety.

2. Readers will achieve greater control over their issues by applying the exercises and strategies.

3. Readers will acquire an understanding of how to play a leadership role in their lives and how to more effectively manage challenges and common problems.

4. Readers will achieve an enhanced sense of self along with greater confidence and self-esteem.

5. Readers will learn how to gain control over negative habits and replace them with productive habits.

Five Signs That You Can Benefit from This Book

At least five major symptoms and problem areas are reduced or resolved by applying the practical solutions process. They are: stress and fear; inner conflict and procrastination; self-criticism and self-doubt; feeling overwhelmed; and unnecessary struggle and frustration.