Shelley Wilson - Self-Help for the Helpless: A Beginner’s Guide to Personal Development, Understanding Self-care, and Becoming Your Authentic Self

Editor: Joni Firestone

Proofreader: Jamie Rich

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice nor prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems. Always consult and seek the advice of a qualified healthcare or medical practitioner.

The intent of the author is only to offer information on a general nature to help you in your quest for good health. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions. Any third party websites are offered as a resource and the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for their content.

Self-Help for the Helpless

Copyright 2021 Shelley Wilson

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmit ted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, please write to the publisher.

Published by BHC Press

Library of Congress Control Number: 2020941710

ISBN: 978-1-64397-173-5 (Softcover)

ISBN: 978-1-64397-174-2 (Ebook)

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How I Changed My Life in a Year!

How I Motivated Myself to Succeed

Meditation for Children

Motivate Me! An Oracle Guidebook

For anyone who has ever felt helplessI believe in you.

F or many years I was clueless when it came to self-help. The phrase hadnt entered my orbit yet. My life revolved around school then college, my friends and family, and going out and having as much fun as I could. I had no responsibilities except myselfand I often wonder how I managed that!

Taking care of my emotional needs, my mental health, and my inner child never crossed my mind back then. Why would it?

Unfortunately, it often takes a cataclysmic life event for us to realise that looking after our needs is vital to our well-being and survival. Redundancy, bereavement, domestic abuse, illegal substance abuse, divorce, health issues, alcoholism, and other life changes impact us on several levels.

Someone dealing with an abusive relationship copes with the same emotional upheaval as another person who has been made redundant. Rock bottom is rock bottom no matter the circumstances surrounding it.

Those changes create a ripple effect within us, and we begin to look at life differently. We question everything, and we trust none of the answers we receive.

It often feels lonely to navigate the waters of despair and with these turbulent emotions comes the additional threat of depression and anxiety. How do you cope with a life-changing event or situation when your mental state is also affected? The black fog of depression is merciless and adds to feelings of isolation, misery, and anxiety.

I still remember the first time I stepped into the Mind, Body, Spirit section at my local bookshop. Id just walked out of my seven-year marriage with my three young children in tow, who were two, three, and five years old. My life had crumbled around me, and I felt lost, lonely, and terrified about the future. Standing in that bookshop, I looked at the sea of book spines claiming to fix everything wrong in my life, and I panicked. When had it gone so wrong? Why was I so broken? Where did it all fall apart? Why wasnt I walking to the fantasy section where I felt safe?

Just as I was about to give up and walk away, a single book caught my eye The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. Id never heard about it and wasnt familiar with the author, but that title resonated with something deep inside me. Secretmy entire life had been a secret. Id left my friends and extended family behind in Leeds, West Yorkshire when I was eight years old to move to another county with my parents and brother, but being so young I kept my feelings of loss to myself as I didnt fully understand them. Drink, parties, and tearaway moments made up the majority of my teen years, and I hid all of that from my parents as many teenagers do. Married life was sullied by domestic violence and emotional abuse, and I never uttered a word until the bitter end when I realised my life, and that of my three children, was in danger. Id fallen for a man with a turbulent past and his own mental health issues, which I also kept to myselfnobody needed to know how bad I was at relationshipsand later on, nobody needed to know Id failed so miserably at marriage.

Secret after secret after secret.

So, I bought my first self-help book, and my life slowly began to shift.

Im not saying that by reading one book I was able to fix myself, become a guru in the art of authentic living, and live out my days on a mountaintop in a floaty kaftan and sensible sandals. However, beginning to understand who I was, why I allowed repeating cycles to remain in my life, and what I wanted to do going forward were all essential aspects of dipping my toe into the world of self-help and helped empower me to become who I am today.

Does the term self-help only enter our vocabulary when we need it? I believe theres some truth to that, especially if we are also searching for enlightenment. I have always been an avid reader, and yet the Mind, Body, Spirit genre was brand-new to me, like discovering an entire world at the back of a wardrobe. Id ventured into other nonfiction areas such as craft, cookery, art, and travel, but the hippie stuff never resonated until it was exactly what I needed in my life.

If youre at the stage where youre beginning to become more self-aware, then I hope this gentle meander into self-help will give you the tools, knowledge, and strength to try out a few therapies and personal development techniques and leave behind any feelings of helplessness when it comes to being your authentic self. Ive included plenty of exercises for you to try as you begin to uncover who you are, what you want, and how youre going to get the life you desire and deserve.

My journey into self-help began over twenty years ago and is ever-evolving as I learn more, understand myself better, and handle the natural changes in my life. You may feel helpless at times, but thats perfectly normal. We often fail to trust our instincts, second-guess our decisions, and revert to a default setting that our parents or teachers or spiritual leaders hammered into us as infants. Over time youll begin to believe in yourself. Youve got this!

M y friend is a talented life coach and strategist as well as a motivational speaker. We have spoken at the same empowering womens events on a few occasions, and I love listening to her straightforward approach to self-help, especially when she starts her talk with: Its not all about bubble baths and duvet days!