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Joanne Cacciatore - Grieving Is Loving: Compassionate Words for Bearing the Unbearable

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Joanne Cacciatore Grieving Is Loving: Compassionate Words for Bearing the Unbearable
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Grieving Is Loving: Compassionate Words for Bearing the Unbearable: summary, description and annotation

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In the style of a quote-a-day collection, this book from Wisdoms bestselling author Joanne Cacciatore distills down the award-winning book Bearing the Unbearable into easy-to-access small chunks and includes much brand-new material, including new prose and poems from Dr. Jo and other sources as well.From INDIES Gold Medal Award-Winner and Wisdom Bestseller Joanne CacciatoreIf you love, you will grieveand nothing is more mysteriously central to becoming fully human. This book is a companion to carry with you throughout your day, to touch in with and be supported by when bearing the unbearable pain of a loved ones deathwhether weeks or years since their passing. Our culture often makes the bereaved feel alone, isolated, broken, and like they should just get over itthis book offers a loving antidote. Open to any page and youll find something that will instantly help you feel not alone while honoring the full weight of loss.This book is comprised of quotations from Bearing the Unbearable, and other sources as well, plus an enormous amount of new material from Dr. Jo. Especially well-suited for the grieving mind that may struggle with concentration, just 30 seconds on any page will empower, hearten, and validate any bereaved personhelping give strength and courage to bear lifes most painful losses.Praise for Bearing the UnbearableThis masterpiece is the greatest gift I could give to someone entrenched in grief, or to the loved ones of the bereaved.The Tattooed BuddhaSimply the best book I have ever read on the process of grief.Huffington PostAnyone whos trying to deal with a loss, or anyone who knows someone dealing with a loss, (and in truth, isnt that everyone?) will benefit from reading this amazing book.Foreword ReviewsIt offers hope for those who feel like their loss has disconnected themselves forever from humanity and the circle of life.Doug Bremner, MD, professor of psychiatry, Emory University and author of You Cant Just Snap Out of ItThis is a holy book, riddled with insight and compassion. Francis Weller, author of The Wild Edge of Sorrow.ReviewAn empathetic and compassionate companion. Anyone who has mourned a loss will find Cacciatores insights to be helpful. -- Publishers WeeklyThis ineffably beautiful compendium of grief wisdom is much more than a book: its a companion. To read it is to be held, sustained, and enriched. -- Gabor Mate, M.D., author of In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters With AddictionWriting with tenderness, simplicity, and care, Dr. Cacciatore offers a profound guide to healing and wholeness in the midst of grief and loss. Its really an extraordinary book. Each sentence feels utterly honest. Each page is a balm for a wounded heart. Anyone who has suffered in this life will find compassionate, helpful wisdom here. -- Rick Hanson, Ph.D., author of Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and HappinessThis book is filled with a deep wisdom that, when applied, can heal the pain and grief one experiences from losing a loved one. -- The MinimalistsGrieving Is Loving is a book of profound compassion and wisdom and strengthand its the best kind of strength: the kind that comes not from fighting and suppressing pain but from going to our most vulnerable places in a spirit of deep love. Dr. Jo is teaching us how to grieve, and in doing so, she is teaching us how to lovehow to love the people we have lost, and to love our own wounds, and what they can now inspire us to do to honor those who are gone. -- from the foreword by Johann HariThis inspiring book provides heartful reminders that love and grief are in an eternal embrace. -- Frank Ostaseski, author of The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living FullyThis book is a gentle and kind guide to navigating the journey of loss and sorrow, keeping one company along the way. -- Narayan Helen Liebenson, author of The Magnanimous Heart: Compassion and Love, Loss and Grief, Joy and LiberationEven when every fiber of our being is quietly calling us to yield to the sacred shattering that is the grief experience, it can feel overwhelming to fully inhabit our pain and allow it to transform us. But we do not have to do it alone. Joanne Cacciatores new book is a warm, loving, fiercely protective companion on the journey into the holy fire of loss. With this luminous collection of reflections from one of the foremost wisdom teachers on the alchemy of grief and loss, we can meet and bless the fullness of our experience as an offering of love to the one who has died and an affirmation of the innate wisdom of the broken-open heart. -- Mirabai Starr, author of Caravan of No Despair and Wild MercyGrieving Is Loving is a good spiritual friend, a warm hand to anyone seeking companions in bearing the unbearable. With tender compassion and insight, Joanne Cacciatore walks with us shoulder to shoulder in our grief, bringing us into a world of tender vitality. -- Koshin Paley Ellison, author of Wholehearted: Slow Down, Help Out, Wake Up and an editor of Awake at the Bedside: Contemplative Teachings on Palliative and End of Life CareGrieving Is Loving is a wise, moving, and compassionate book. Reading it brought tears to my eyes as it reminded me of the loss of loved ones thirty and forty-five years ago. Not only should its message be read and internalized by those suffering the loss of a beloved, but also by those with friends who have lost or are likely to lose someone in the futurein other words, by everyone. -- Irving Kirsch, Ph.D., Harvard Medical School, University of Connecticut, University of Hull, author of The Emperors New Drugs: Exploding the Antidepressant MythThe engaging sentiments in this book, shared by someone who has been there in the depths of grief, will provide comfort and confirmation to every bereaved person who opens it. This compilation of writing by some of the sharpest minds and sacred souls, including the authors, begs to be read, reread, and shared. -- Donna L. Schuurman, EdD, FT, senior director of advocacy and training, the Dougy Center for Grieving Children and FamiliesA beautiful contemplation on grief that is wise and will serve so many. -- Roshi Joan Halifax, author of Being with Dying?Bearing the Unbearable was impossible to put down. It quickly becomes obvious that you are reading a book that is rich with imagery blended with emotion and tied into traumatic stories of loss. Woven within the chapters, Dr. Cacciatore also offers extra guidance that may be helpful for palliative and hospice providers as she talks about how she maintains resilience in the face of her magnetism that draws the public to share with her their most vibrant and terrible stories of loss. Bearing the Unbearable is beautiful, and a must-read for caregivers, bereaved parents, and learners. It is the closest thing to having a deep unlimited conversation with parents carrying their child forever at their side. -- Mary Ann Liebert, Inc.About the AuthorJoanne Cacciatore is the bestselling, award-winning author of Bearing the Unbearable: Love, Loss, and the Heartbreaking Path of Grief. Shes also a clinical psychologist and professor specializing in traumatic grief, as well as a Zen priestand the founder of a care-farm in Arizona that serves as a respite center for the traumatically bereaved.She is an acclaimed public speaker and provides expert consulting and witness services in the area of traumatic loss. Her research has been published in peer-reviewed journals such as The Lancet, Social Work and Healthcare, and Death Studies, among others.

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ADVANCE PRAISE FOR
GRIEVING IS LOVING

This book is filled with a deep wisdom that, when applied, can heal the pain and grief one experiences from losing a loved one.

The Minimalists

This inspiring book provides heartful reminders that love and grief are in an eternal embrace.

Frank Ostaseski, author of The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us about Living Fully

This book is a gentle and kind guide to navigating the journey of loss and sorrow, keeping one company along the way.

Narayan Helen Liebenson, author of The Magnanimous Heart: Compassion and Love, Loss and Grief, Joy and Liberation

Grieving Is Loving is a good spiritual friend, a warm hand to anyone seeking companions in bearing the unbearable. With tender compassion and insight, Joanne Cacciatore walks with us shoulder to shoulder in our grief, bringing us into a world of tender vitality.

Koshin Paley Ellison, author of Wholehearted: Slow Down, Help Out, Wake Up and an editor of Awake at the Bedside: Contemplative Teachings on Palliative and End-of-Life Care

Even when every fiber of our being is quietly calling us to yield to the sacred shattering that is the grief experience, it can feel overwhelming to fully inhabit our pain and allow it to transform us. But we do not have to do it alone. Joanne Cacciatores new book is a warm, loving, fiercely protective companion on the journey into the holy fire of loss. With this luminous collection of reflections from one of the foremost wisdom teachers on the alchemy of grief and loss, we can meet and bless the fullness of our experience as an offering of love to the one who has died and an affirmation of the innate wisdom of the broken-open heart.

Mirabai Starr, author of Caravan of No Despair and Wild Mercy

Grieving Is Loving is a wise, moving, and compassionate book. Reading it brought tears to my eyes as it reminded me of the loss of loved ones thirty and forty-five years ago. Not only should its message be read and internalized by those suffering the loss of a beloved, but also by those with friends who have lost or are likely to lose someone in the future in other words, by everyone.

Irving Kirsch, PhD, Harvard Medical School, University of Connecticut, University of Hull, author of The Emperors New Drugs: Exploding the Antidepressant Myth

The engaging sentiments in this book, shared by someone who has been there in the depths of grief, will provide comfort and confirmation to every bereaved person who opens it. This compilation of writing by some of the sharpest minds and sacred souls, including the authors, begs to be read, reread, and shared.

Donna L. Schuurman, EdD, FT, senior director of advocacy and training, the Dougy Center for Grieving Children and Families

From INDIES Gold Medal Award Winner and Bestselling Author Joanne Cacciatore - photo 1

From INDIES Gold Medal Award Winner and Bestselling Author Joanne Cacciatore

If you love, you will grieve and nothing is more mysteriously central to becoming fully human. This book of poems, quotations, reflections, and stories is a companion to carry with you throughout your day, to touch in with and be supported by when bearing the unbearable pain of a loved ones death whether weeks or years since their passing. Our culture often makes the bereaved feel alone, isolated, broken, and like they should just get over it but this book offers a loving antidote. Open to any page and youll find something that will instantly help you feel not alone, while honoring the full weight of loss.

Grieving Is Loving includes quotations from Bearing the Unbearable, and other sources, plus an enormous amount of new material from Dr. Jo. This book is especially well suited for the grieving mind, which may struggle with concentration; just thirty seconds on any page will empower, hearten, and validate any bereaved person.

Writing with tenderness, simplicity, and care, Dr. Cacciatore offers a profound guide to healing and wholeness in the midst of grief and loss. Each page is a balm for a wounded heart. Anyone who has suffered in this life will find helpful wisdom here.

RICK HANSON, PHD, author of Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness

A book of profound compassion and wisdom and strength.

from the foreword by Johann Hari

A beautiful contemplation on grief that is wise and will serve so many.

Roshi Joan Halifax, author of Being with Dying

Wisdom Publications

199 Elm Street

Somerville, MA 02144 USA

wisdomexperience.org

2020 by Joanne Cacciatore

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photography, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system or technologies now known or later developed, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Cacciatore, Joanne, author.

Title: Grieving is loving: compassionate words for bearing the unbearable / Joanne Cacciatore.

Description: Somerville, MA: Wisdom Publications, [2020] | Includes index.

Identifiers: LCCN 2020024980 (print) | LCCN 2020024981 (ebook) | ISBN 9781614297017 (paperback) | ISBN 9781614297024 (ebook)

Subjects: LCSH: Grief. | Love. | Consolation.

Classification: LCC BF575.G7 C275 2020 (print) | LCC BF575.G7 (ebook) | DDC 155.9/37 dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020024980

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020024981

ISBN 978-1-61429-701-7 ebook ISBN 978-1-61429-702-4

24 23 22 21 20 5 4 3 2 1

Cover design by Jim Zaccaria. Interior design by Gopa & Ted2, Inc.

FOREWORD BY JOHANN HARI

I N THE UNITED States, many people have a startling experience when a loved one dies. Shortly after catastrophic loss sometimes a day, or a week, or a month they are told something jarring, often by a doctor. The distress they are feeling is often explained as abnormal, and all too often treated as a mental illness. Dr. Joanne Cacciatores research has shown this is not a rare occurrence with nearly one-half of grieving parents, for example, being prescribed psychiatric medication within a week after their painful loss.

For Dr. Jo, this is just one extreme manifestation of how we often respond to grief in our culture: as something shameful, abnormal, something to be shunted aside or suppressed. But for her, having done this work since 1996, grief is not a malfunction grieving is not a sign that you have gone haywire and not an indication that something is broken and needs to be fixed. Rather, it is a sign you are a feeling and loving being. Grief is a form of love. This beautiful book will help you to see a more truthful, tender vision of what grief is and how to live with it, rather than fight, manage, or avoid it.

To understand how Dr. Jo came to this vision, I think it might help you to picture her as I do in two different scenes, at two different moments in her life. She described the first to me when I interviewed her for my book Lost Connections: Why You Are Depressed, and How to Find Hope, and Id like to recount some of that now.

Many years ago, in 1994, her doctor reassured her when, at the end of a long pregnancy, she expressed concern about her babys well-being. Oh honey, he said, you just need some attention. She had been having extremely painful contractions for three weeks, and she thought the baby needed help. She was a very diligent mother-to-be she wouldnt even chew gum with aspartame in it because she was worried it might harm her baby. So she kept insisting: These are really painful contractions they dont feel normal to me. But the doctor repeatedly placated her: Its normal.

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