Dr. Seuss - Youre Only Old Once!: A Book for Obsolete Children

TM & copyright by Dr. Seuss Enterprises, L.P. 1986.
All rights reserved.
Published in the United States by Random House Childrens Books,
a division of Random House LLC, a Penguin Random House Company,
New York. Originally published by Random House, an imprint of the Random
House Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., in 1986. Random House and the colophon are registered trademarks of Random House LLC. Visit us on the Web!
Seussville.com
randomhouse.com/kids Educators and librarians, for a variety of teaching tools, visit us at
RHTeachersLibrarians.com Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Seuss, Dr.

Youre only old once!
I. Title. PS3513.E2Y6 1986 813.52 85-20495
ISBN: 978-0-394-55190-6 (trade) ISBN: 978-0-375-95890-8 (lib. bdg.) eBook ISBN: 978-0-385-37950-2 Random House Childrens Books supports the First Amendment and
celebrates the right to read. With Affection for
and
Afflictions with
the Members of the
Class of 1925 TM & copyright by Dr. 1986.
All rights reserved.
Published in the United States by Random House Childrens Books,
a division of Random House LLC, a Penguin Random House Company,
New York. 1986.
All rights reserved.
Published in the United States by Random House Childrens Books,
a division of Random House LLC, a Penguin Random House Company,
New York.

Originally published by Random House, an imprint of the Random
House Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., in 1986. Random House and the colophon are registered trademarks of Random House LLC. Visit us on the Web!
Seussville.com
randomhouse.com/kids Educators and librarians, for a variety of teaching tools, visit us at
RHTeachersLibrarians.com Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Seuss, Dr. Youre only old once!
I. Title. bdg.) eBook ISBN: 978-0-385-37950-2 Random House Childrens Books supports the First Amendment and
celebrates the right to read. With Affection for
and
Afflictions with
the Members of the
Class of 1925

O ne day you will read in the National Geographic of a faraway land with no smelly bad traffic. With Affection for
and
Afflictions with
the Members of the
Class of 1925

O ne day you will read in the National Geographic of a faraway land with no smelly bad traffic.

O ne day you will read in the National Geographic of a faraway land with no smelly bad traffic.

In those green-pastured mountains of Fotta-fa-Zee everybody feels fine at a hundred and three cause the air that they breathe is potassium-free and because they chew nuts from the Tutt-a-Tutt Tree. This gives strength to their teeth, it gives length to their hair, and they live without doctors, with nary a care. In those green-pastured mountains of Fotta-fa-Zee everybody feels fine at a hundred and three cause the air that they breathe is potassium-free and because they chew nuts from the Tutt-a-Tutt Tree. This gives strength to their teeth, it gives length to their hair, and they live without doctors, with nary a care.

And youll find yourself wishing that you were out there in Fotta-fa-Zee and not here in this chair in the Golden Years Clinic on Century Square for Spleen Readjustment and Muffler Repair.

Just why are you here? Youre not feeling your best... And youll find yourself wishing that you were out there in Fotta-fa-Zee and not here in this chair in the Golden Years Clinic on Century Square for Spleen Readjustment and Muffler Repair. Just why are you here? Youre not feeling your best...

Youve come in for an Eyesight and Solvency Test. Youve come in for an Eyesight and Solvency Test.

And if youre the type that gets finicky-finick, at this point youll try to get out of that clinic.

But they will outwit you as quick as a winick! The Quiz-Docs will catch you! Theyll start questionnairing! Theyll ask you, point blank, how your parts are all faring. And your grandfathers parts. And please try to recall if your grandma hurt most in the spring or the fall. Did your cousins have dreadful wild nightmares at night? Did they suffer such ailments as Bus Drivers Blight, Chimney Sweeps Stupor, or Prune Pickers Plight? And describe the main cause of your uncles collapse. Too much alphabet soup? Or martinis, perhaps? And if youre the type that gets finicky-finick, at this point youll try to get out of that clinic. But they will outwit you as quick as a winick! The Quiz-Docs will catch you! Theyll start questionnairing! Theyll ask you, point blank, how your parts are all faring.

And your grandfathers parts. And please try to recall if your grandma hurt most in the spring or the fall. Did your cousins have dreadful wild nightmares at night? Did they suffer such ailments as Bus Drivers Blight, Chimney Sweeps Stupor, or Prune Pickers Plight? And describe the main cause of your uncles collapse. Too much alphabet soup? Or martinis, perhaps?

And the next thing you know, when youve finished that test, is somehow youve lost both your necktie and vest and an Ogler is ogling your stomach and chest. And the next thing you know, when youve finished that test, is somehow youve lost both your necktie and vest and an Ogler is ogling your stomach and chest.

Your escape plans have melted! You havent a chance, for the next thing you know, both your socks and your pants and your drawers and your shoes have been lost for the day.

The Oglers have blossomed like roses in May! And silently, grimly, they ogle away. Your escape plans have melted! You havent a chance, for the next thing you know, both your socks and your pants and your drawers and your shoes have been lost for the day. The Oglers have blossomed like roses in May! And silently, grimly, they ogle away.

What those Oglers have learned theyre not ready to tell. Clinicians dont spout their opinions pell-mell. So youre back with the vestibule fish for a spell.

Norval wont bring you much comfort, you know. But hes quite sympathetic as Clinic Fish go. What those Oglers have learned theyre not ready to tell. Clinicians dont spout their opinions pell-mell. So youre back with the vestibule fish for a spell. Norval wont bring you much comfort, you know.

But hes quite sympathetic as Clinic Fish go.

There youll sit several hours, growing tenser each second, fearing your fate will be worse than you reckoned, till finally Miss Becker, your beckoner, beckons... There youll sit several hours, growing tenser each second, fearing your fate will be worse than you reckoned, till finally Miss Becker, your beckoner, beckons...

... to a booth where the World-Renowned Ear Man, Von Crandall, has perfected a test known as Bellows and Candle. ... to a booth where the World-Renowned Ear Man, Von Crandall, has perfected a test known as Bellows and Candle. to a booth where the World-Renowned Ear Man, Von Crandall, has perfected a test known as Bellows and Candle.

If the wind from the bellows cant blow out the flame, you failed! And youre going to be sorry you came.

Youll be told that your hearings so murky and muddy, your case calls for special intensified study. Theyll test you with noises from far and from near and youll get a black mark for the ones you cant hear. Then theyll say, My dear fellow, youre deafer than most. But theres hope, since youre not quite as deaf as a post. Well study your symptoms.

Well give you a call. In the meantime, go back and sit down in the hall. Youll be told that your hearings so murky and muddy, your case calls for special intensified study. Theyll test you with noises from far and from near and youll get a black mark for the ones you cant hear. Then theyll say, My dear fellow, youre deafer than most. But theres hope, since youre not quite as deaf as a post.