Anurag Mathur - The Inscrutable Americans

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The

Inscrutable Americans

The hilarious novel describes one year spent on a small university campus in the US by an Indian student. He comes out of a small town, locally reputed to be 'the Paris of Madhya Pradesh'. His English is comically Indian, and his initial notions of America are absurdly inadequate and stereotyped. The theme of the novel is his comic discovery of America, and his own growth and maturing through his diverse adventures there. The novel is thus a variation on the form of the bildungsroman with a fool-protagonist, with the difference that the native wit of the protagonist far transcends his linguistic limitations. This novel has thus an acuteness and depth of meaning which go beyond the obvious comic implications of the chosen initial situation.

Anurag Mathur was born in New Delhi and educated at Scindia School (Gwalior), St Stephen's College (Delhi), and the University of Tulsa (Oklahoma). He lived for three years in the US before returning home to India to embark on a career in journalism and publishing. He now lives in New Delhi and contributes regularly to leading Indian magazines and newspapers. He is also the author of a travel guide called 22 Days in India.

A fanatical cricket player, he also plays tennis and enjoys travelling.

The

Inscrutable Americans

Anurag Mathur

Published in 1991 by
Rupa Publications India Pvt. Ltd.
7/16, Ansari Road, Daryaganj
New Delhi 110002

Sales centres:
Allahabad Bengaluru Chennai
Hyderabad Jaipur Kathmandu
Kolkata Mumbai

Copyright Anurag Mathur 1991
Cover deign: Pallavi Agarwala

This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters, and
incidents portrayed in it are the work of the authors imagination.
Any resemblance to actual personsliving or deadevents or
localities is entirely coincidental.

This digital edition published in 2012

e-ISBN: 978-81-291-2158-5

Anurag Mathur asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

Digital edition prepared by Ninestars Information Technologies Ltd.

All rights reserved.
This e-book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out, or otherwise circulated, without the publishers prior consent, in any form or cover other than that in which it is published. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted, or stored in a retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic, mechanical, print reproduction, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher. Any unauthorized distribution of this e-book may be considered a direct infringement of copyright and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.

This Book is Dedicated to my

Father and Mother

Beloved Younger Brother,

Greetings to Respectful Parents. I am hoping all is well with health and wealth. I am fine at my end. Hoping your end is fine too. With God's grace and Parents' blessings I am arriving safely in America and finding good apartment near University. Kindly assure Mother that I am strictly consuming vegetarian food only in restaurants though I am not knowing if cooks are Brahmins. I am also constantly remembering Dr Verma's advice and strictly avoiding American women and other unhealthy habits. I hope Parents' prayers are residing with me.

Younger Brother, I am having so many things to tell you I am not knowing where to start. Most surprising thing about America is it is full of Americans. Everywhere Americans, Americans, bit and white, it is little frightening. The flight from New Delhi to New York is arriving safely thanks to God's grace and Parents' prayers and mine too. I am not able to go to bathroom whole time because I am sitting in corner seat as per Revered Grandmother's wish. Father is rightly scolding that airplane is flying too high to have good view. Still please tell her I have done needful.

But, brother, in next two seats are sitting two old gentle ladies and if I am getting up then they are put in lot of botheration so I am not getting up for bathroom except when plane is stopping for one hour at London. Many foods are being served in carts but I am only eating cashewnuts and bread because I am not knowing what is food and what is meat. I am having good time drinking 37 glasses of Coca-Cola.

They are rolling down a screen and showing film but I am not listening because air hostess ladies are selling head phones for 2 dollars which is 26 and in our beloved Jajau town we can sit in balcony seats in Regal Talkies for only 3. I am asking lady if they are giving student discount but she is too busy. I am also asking her for more Coca-Cola but she is looking like she is weeping and walking away. I think perhaps she is not understanding proper English.

Then I am sleeping long time after London and when I am waking it is like we are flying over sea of lights. Everywhere, brother, as far as I am seeing there are lights, lights. It is like God has made carpet of lights. Then we are landing in New York and plane is going right up to door so that we are not having to walk in cold. I must say Americans are very advanced. And as I am leaving airplane, air hostess is giving me one more can of Coca-Cola. Her two friends are also with her but why they are laughing so much I do not know. I think these Americans are strange but friendly people in their hearts. I hope she was not laughing for racial. Perhaps she was feeling shy earlier.

Then I am going to long bathroom. As I am leaving I am making first friend in America. This is negro gentleman named Joe who is standing at door and as I am opening it he is holding out hand so I am shaking it and telling him my name and he is telling me his. I am telling him if he is ever coming to Jajau he can ask for National Hair Oil Factory. If I have not returned from Higher Studies please tell Father that if negro gentleman named Joe is visiting Jajau he may kindly do needful.

In this way I feel each and every one of us is serving as ambassador of our beloved motherland. Joe is doubtful I feel because he says 'Far out, man, far out,' but I am reassuring him that India is only 16 hours away by plane and that is not very far. I think he is accepting this because he is not saying anything any more.

Next I go to place marked 'Baggage' as Father has advised and suddenly place I am sitting starts to move throwing me. It is like python we once saw in forest, only rattling and with luggage bouncing on its back and sometimes leaping to attack passengers. I am also throwing myself on bag before it is escaping. I think if I am not wrestling it down it would revert to plane and back home to India. I am only joking of course.

Before this I am meeting very friendly gentleman at Immigration desk. I do not know why all relatives had warned against this man, because he is so friendly. He is talking English strangely but is having kind heart because he is asking me about nuts and I am saying that I am liking very much and eating many on plane. 'Totally, totally nuts,' he is saying, which is I feeling American expression for someone fond of cashewnuts.

Before this he is showing friendliness by asking, 'How is it going?' I am telling him fully and frankly about all problems and hopes, even though you may feel that as American he may be too selfish to bother about decline in price of hair oil in Jajau town. But, brother, he is listening very quietly with eyes on me for ten minutes and then we are having friendly talk about nuts and he is wanting me to go.

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