Stokes - The thrifty time travelers guide to the American Revolution: a handbook for time travelers
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The thrifty time travelers guide to the American Revolution: a handbook for time travelers: summary, description and annotation
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The Thrifty Guide to the American Revolution provides useful information for the practical time traveler, like:
Where can I find a decent hotel room in colonial New England? Are major credit cards accepted?
How do I join the Boston Tea Party without winding up in a British prison?
How can I score a lunch with Alexander Hamilton?
This guide answers these fiery, burning questions with the marshmallows of information. There is handy advice on how to join Paul Reveres spy ring at the Green Dragon Tavern, how to enlist in General Washingtons rebel army, and how to summon the strength to storm a British gun battery when you havent eaten for three days.
If you had a time travel machine and could take a vacation anywhere in history, this is the only guidebook you would need!
Stokes: author's other books
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VIKING
Penguin Young Readers
An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC
375 Hudson Street
New York, New York 10014
First published in the United States of America by Viking, an imprint of Penguin Random House LLC, 2018
Text copyright 2018 by Tracy Street Productions, Inc.
Illustrations copyright 2018 by David Sossella
Penguin supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin to continue to publish books for every reader.
LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA IS AVAILABLE
ISBN 9781101998113 (hardcover)
ISBN 9780451479617 (paper-over-board)
ISBN 9781101998120 (ebook)
Graphs and maps by Mariam Quraishi
Version_1
For Zach Greenberger
The Thrifty Guide to the American Revolution was published holographically by Time Corp in the year 2164. It offers a complete vacation package for tourists visiting the American Revolution. A careless time traveler accidentally lost a copy of this handy guidebook in our own era, along with guides to Ancient Rome, Ancient Greece, and even the Middle Ages. A New York publishing house decided to republish these books without the permission of Time Corp, since attempts to contact the future have been unsuccessful.
The ThriftyGuide to the American Revolution provides useful information for the practical time traveler:
- Where can I find a decent hotel room in colonial New England? Are credit cards accepted?
- How can I join the Boston Tea Party without winding up in a British prison?
- What do I do if Im being shot at by a cannon?
This guide answers these fiery, burning questions with the marshmallows of information. There is handy advice on how to join Paul Reveres spy ring at the Green Dragon Tavern, how to enlist in General Washingtons rebel army, and how to summon the strength to storm a British gun battery when you havent eaten for three days. So pick up your fife and powder your ponytail. What follows is the original Thrifty Guide to the AmericanRevolution, as it was discovered on a sidewalk outside Franks Pizza in Manhattan in AD 2018....
Copyright 2164 by Time Corp
Anyone who reads this book in 2165 and catches any typos should travel to 2163 and report them to Time Corps writing staff immediately. Thank you in advance. Or, from your perspective, in hindsight.
TIME CORP! SERVING YESTERDAY, FOR A BETTER TOMORROW, TODAY.
FINN GREENQUILL
The ThriftyGuide to the American Revolution is a thrilling vacation package for anyone interested in US history, or for cheapskate time travelers too stingy to buy our vacation package to the Renaissance. Lets be honest, winning independence from the British Empire is no picnic. If you find yourself starving with George Washingtons troops at Valley Forge, eating tree bark, and cutting off your own frostbitten toes, dont say we didnt warn you.
The Thrifty Guides are the best guidebooks in all of history. We know because weve checked. They contain the whole scope of human knowledge. If its not in these guidebooks, it didnt happen. This book is known to cure several illnesses, including measles, dengue fever, and cornpuff syndrome.
We encourage you to buy a Time Corp life insurance policy before joining the Revolutionary army. If you are shot by a British musket, just remember, you signed a waiver. Enjoy your trip to the American Revolution!
Signed,
Finn Greenquill
Finn Greenquill
Founder and Corporate Overlord, Time Corp
Time Corp is a company with heart. We care about supporting worthy causes. A portion of the proceeds of this book will be donated to the following charities:
- Help Find a Cure for Finn Greenquills Lack of
- Faberg Eggs
- Make a Wish for Finn Greenquill to Have More
- Faberg Eggs
- Help Orphaned Faberg Eggs Find a Home in
- Finn Greenquills Collection
- The Society for the Expansion of Finn Greenquills
- Bubble Gum Ball
- The Foundation for Blowing Up the Moon on
- Finns Birthday
- The Finn Greenquill Legal Defense Fund
- The Finn Greenquill Endangered Panda Catapult
Time Corp Worldwide Headquarters in New New New New New New New York, AD 2164
CONTENTS
On the first day of physics class, when freeze-rays are handed out, everyone asks their physics professor what happens if you go back in time and freeze yourself before you go back in time to freeze yourself. The answer is so maddening, many students go back in time to freeze their physics professors. Or, occasionally, to simply register for a different class.
No one has yet studied what would happen if physics professors were sent back in time to freeze themselves before they became physics professors. Though, it should be noted, several physics professors have been known to go back in time to freeze other physics professors.
It would stand to reason that the laws of physics would apply to physics professors, even though physics professors are technically the ones defining the laws of physics. Its possible that if physics professors werent happy with the laws of physics, they could simply invent some new laws of physics, and the rest of us would be none the wiser. Its not as though anyone but a physics professor would be nutty enough to go around questioning the laws of physics.
It is unlikely any physics professors would go back in time to freeze themselves before they had made tenure. However, tenured physics professors could probably go back in time to freeze themselves quite safely, because as any university can tell you, its nearly impossible to get rid of a tenured professor.
The First Rule of Time Travel is that no one is allowed to permanently change the past except Finn Greenquill. Got a problem with that? Hey, if you want to permanently alter human history,
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