Lisa Niemi Swayze - Worth Fighting For: Love, Loss, and Moving Forward

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Atria Books was launched in April 2002 by publisher Judith Curr as a new hardcover and paperback imprint within Simon & Schuster, Inc. The name Atria (the plural of atrium a central living space open to the air and sky) reflects our goals as publishers: to create an environment that is always open to new ideas and where our authors and their books can flourish. We look for innovative ways to connect writers and readers, integrating the best practices of traditional publishing with the latest innovations in the digital world. We are committed to publishing a wide range of fiction and nonfiction for readers of all tastes and interests.

The first book published under the Atria name, The Right Words at the Right Time by Marlo Thomas, became an instant #1 New York Times bestseller, and since then Atria has gone on to publish more than 185 New York Times bestsellers. Atria is the publishing home to many major bestselling authors including His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Jude Deveraux, Vince Flynn, T.D. Jakes, Shirley MacLaine, Kate Morton, Jodi Picoult, Sister Souljah, Brad Thor, Jennifer Weiner, Lauren Weisberger, Zane, and Rhonda Byrne, author of the international bestsellers The Secret and The Power.

In recent years, the imprint has placed a strategic emphasis on publishing for diverse audiences through the acquisition of the African Americanoriented press Strebor Books, the launch of Atria Books Espaol, and co-publishing agreements with Beyond Words Publishers and Cash Money Records. Atria Books also publishes literary fiction and topical nonfiction in trade paperback under the Washington Square Press imprint, and popular fiction and nonfiction under the Emily Bestler Books imprint, launched in 2011.

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I LAUNCH INTO THESE acknowledgments knowing that, like every invitation list Ive ever made for a big party, Im going to forget someone accidentally. I apologize in advance to them. There are also people who were mentioned in the book that I may not mention here, but there are some I will.

There are so many wonderful and talented people who made such a difference in the last two years of my husbands life and my own. Many of those people Ive never even met, or spoken to. I send out my love and appreciation to all of them.

Haapaniemi/Niemi Family

Dr. Maria Scouros and Ed and the kids; Eric and Mary and Will; Paul and Jessica and Valerie; John, Alex, and Carol; and Mom.

Swayze Family

Donny, Patsy, Bambi, and Don; Sean and Jami and the kids.

Stanford Hospital and Cancer Center

Drs. George Fisher, Jeff Norton, Elwyn Cabebe, Jacques Van Dam, Albert Koong. The great people in patient relations: Judy Kinsberg, Michael Granneman, Julia Vitenberg, Pam Huggins. Ex-CEO Martha Marsh, along with the experienced and wonderful gals in the trenches during chemotherapy, nurses, Cathy Krum, and Mary Salom.

Cedars-Sinai Hospital

Drs. Simon Lo, Mark Ault, Geemee Chung. Patient Services: Madeline Lehrman, Yuri, and Lidia. Della and all the fabulous RNs in the procedure center, and the staff in the hospital.

Northwestern Hospital

Dr. Mary Mulcahy and all the heartfelt help provided by their cancer and GI department. Thank you, Dr. John Martin, for getting that new stent in. Whew!

Tower Oncology

The wonderful Dr. David Hoffman, our main man Jose Ramirez, and Pia Chantravat, and Bill Such. John Rice at Premier Infusion Care.

Loving Friends

Lisa Above and Beyond Dickey, Kay Always There Lenz, Brian Braff, Warren and Jale Theres Nothing a Pair of Red Manolo Blahniks Wont Help Trepp, Lynne Butler, Joe and Sandy Bourdeau, Whoopi Goldberg, Cash and Monica Schoch, Randi Barnes, Dwight Rhoden, Desmond Richardson, Stacy Widelitz, Griff Griffis, Travis Fimmel. Kenny and Joanne Gordon, Mark Smith, Steve Diamond, and so many others.

The Beast

A&E and Sony TV for taking a chance on both Patrick and me. Michael, Roy, Vincent, Bill, and the entire production crewyoure the tops!

The Team

Our hard-working, caring publicists, lawyers, agents, managers: Annett Wolf, Jayme Phillips, Fred Gaines, Mel Berger, Richard Solomon, Nicole David, Jenny Delany.

Atria Books

My fantastic editor, Sarah Durand, and her assistants, Sarah Cantin and Alex Arnold. The wonderful Judith Curr. Paul Olsewski and Yona Deshommes. And the special Elisa Shokoff and Matt Cartsonis.

And...

Our Beloved Animalsthe ones I lost in the year after I lost PatrickTina the cat, Patricks sleeping buddy, who died herself exactly one month later, at the same hour, from her own cancer. My beautiful filly that was born at 5:30 A.M. August 2009, and perished six months later during colic surgery. And our magnificent stallion Roh, who died from mysterious complications in August 2010. It was a rough year.

And the Beloved Animals who have survived with me, and love and protect me. Canines: Lucas, Murphy, and Kuma. Felines: Possum and Lupe. Equines: Bint Bint Subhaya, Zahra Galila, Shirin Jewel, Assirah, Nadra, Shamrock, Nation, Rabba, Emir, La Dior. My two bad-boy colts: Faris Al Ahlam and Malik al Malouk. And my beautiful new filly, Farah Jewel, born June 2011.

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LISA NIEMI SWAYZE is the coauthor of The Time of My Life, which she wrote with her late husband. In addition to writing, directing, and producing the film One Last Dance in 2004, she has held many film, television, and Broadway roles, and wrote, directed, and starred in the play Without a Word, garnering six Drama Critics Awards. In July 2011, she was honored with the title of Dame and invested in the Royal Order of Francis I for her work on behalf of pancreatic cancer. Before turning to directing and acting, Lisa began her professional life as a dancer. She currently divides her time between Los Angeles and New Mexico.

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JACKET DESIGN BY LAYWAN KWAN
JACKET PHOTOGRAPH BY LANCE STAEDLER/CORBIS OUTLINE
BACK COVER PHOTOGRAPH BY JAVAN SCHALLER
AUTHOR PHOTOGRAPH BY GREG GORMAN
COPYRIGHT 2012 SIMON & SCHUSTER

T HE MOMENT I reached for my notebook to start working on this book, I was flooded with an emotion that Ive tried to keep at bay for some time now. Its a wave of feeling composed of endless tears, reminding me that I havent remotely cried enough.

The emotion that washes over me brings the distant past to an instant present. And the details scream out in my mind and heart: every time I pushed down my feelings, every time I smiled when my world was tumbling down around me, and every time I heard a piece of bad news and reacted positively, laughing with mock bravery when I should have been dissolved in tears.

There is a high price to be paid for the privilege of caring for your loved one when hes dying, but its one I wouldnt have traded for anything. I always said that Id have plenty of time to cry later. When Patrick first got his diagnosis it looked like he might have only weeks to live. Then it was months. And then, luckily, we passed a year. And we kept going.... Twenty-one months is a long time to battle for your loved one against a foe like cancer. Its a long time to hold up. And now, Ive been spit out on the other side of the fight, alone, trying to figure out how Im going to go on with my life.