C. K. Kelly Martin - The Lighter Side of Life and Death

For Paddy, who was my friend first

Im stuck on your heart,
I hang on every word you say.
Simply the Best, Tina Turner

ra G e on

one

There are certain things you know youll always remember. Like the way Miracle stares at me when we hear the gunshot. Our eyes lock fast. Hers shine with resignation, pain and the kind of love I can only begin to understand. Suddenly I cant catch my breath. Im beyond anything I ever wanted to feel. Its low and high, intertwined like a double helix, and I mumble to Monica G as I rush offstage, my body racked with dread.

But this isnt the end. Not yet. I stumble back under the lights, bury my head in Miracles chest and try to speak. Dont , she says. She has the last lines. Theres nothing else for me to remember, nothing to do but watch her and let the final moments roll over me. My eyes burn as I look and listen but I dont fight it. I want to be fearless like Miracle. I want it to hurt so everyone can see.

Then theres just silence stretched out in front of us in the darkness. I wipe my face as we scramble offstage, and Miracle grabs my sleeve and whispers something I cant quite hear. I nod anyway, feeling wounded and amazed. Its like were all incredibleme, Miracle, Monica G, Charlie Kady, Y and Z, Jamie and everyone else who made this happen. Were even better than last night and the night before that. It makes me wonder just how good we could be if there was a next time.

Everyone claps for us. Not just polite applause but like they really got it. On stage we hold hands and bow, and the feeling just keeps growing. We did good; we did awesome. I love these people next to me, Miracle channeling Meryl Streep and Monica G squeezing my hand and Jamie pulling strings in the background and Y and Z looking deep in love with each other, beaming with pride. I tell you, if you could bottle what Im feeling right now, youd be a billionaire. My cells are singing an anthem.

Theyre still singing when I stride out to the lobby afterwards. Im swarmed by people clapping me on the shoulder and hurling praise in my direction. Then its Dads turn and he grins at Nina like hes showing me off for the first time. Mason, you were fabulous, she says with a smile. You should be so proud.

Ninas the only one of Dads girlfriends that Ive ever spent more than thirty minutes with, and I thank her and shift my focus to Brianna, next to her. Brianna happens to be the only one of us who isnt smiling. Shes a thirteen-year-old tragedy-in-waiting, that kid. The face of gloom. As far as I can see, it doesnt have much to do with Dad and Ninas engagement either. Shes been like that ever since we met.

Your dad tells me youre off to celebrate now, Nina says with a cheerful nod. Dont let us keep you.

I smile wider because Ninas got my number. Yolanda Solomons extremely cool parents have handed over their house until one-thirty. Theres not a second to lose. Say hi to Burke for me, okay? I tell her. Burke is Briannas six-and-a-half-year-old brother. Hes so normal that youd never guess they share DNA.

Will do, Nina replies. Ill see you at the engagement shower.

The engagement showers doubling as a housewarming party. Everything but the wedding has been pushed forward on account of Ninas landlord selling their condothey werent supposed to move in with us until the end of September. Not that I mind. I only have a year and a half before I go away to university, and Ninas okay.

Do you need any cash? Dad asks. He was here on opening night too but he wanted to come back with Nina.

Well, I wont turn it down. My jaw aches from smiling so hard. Its impossible to stop.

Dad pulls out his wallet and hands me forty bucks, and then Im edging my way through the crowd towards Jamie. You guys got a ride? Yolanda asks, tapping me on the shoulder. Miracle still has a couple spots in the van.

Were cool, Jamie says, charging towards us. Were going with Charlie and Chris. I never have a clue whats going on. Jamie always handles the logistics.

Perfect, Y says, scanning the lobby for Zoe. See you at my place.

Have you seen Kat? I ask, turning towards Jamie. Kat Medina was Jamies discovery when her family moved to Glenashton from Kitchener three years ago. Shes about five feet tall with this cute little Filipino accent and curves like Jennifer Lopez. I think Jamie meant to keep her for himself, but that didnt work out; Jamie can never hide anything from me. Besides, Jamie isnt Kats type. Lucky for him, Im not either, which means we all evolved into close friends instead.

I cant count the number of nights the three of us have hung out in Kats backyard along with her girls, Michelle Suazo and Sondra, barbecuing ribs and eating her moms pancit noodles. Used to be that nearly every time a bunch of us would watch slasher movies together, Id get a late-night call from Kat, scared to shut her eyes. Id camp out on the phone with her talking about the funniest, most nonthreatening things I could imagine until she was too dog-tired to be freaked out anymore. Those movies dont spook her as much now but we still do the late-night conversations when one of us cant sleep.

I think she already left with Hugo, Jamie says. Hugos this half-Asian, half-black senior from the track teamthe flawless-specimen-of-the-human-race type that Kat always falls for. Theyve been together two months.

Okay, I tell him. Lets roll.

And were off. Charlie cranks M.I.A. on the stereo and in no time were pulling into Yolandas drive, helping her and Zoe set up the coolers and munchies. Can someone call for pizza? Z asks, looking right at Jamie. If you want something done right, hes your man. Hes always one of the most responsible people in a room, even when hes partying. Two months ago I saw him steal this guy Anthonys jacket (with his car keys inside) at the end of a party to stop him from driving drunk. He was scared Anthony would pound him into the carpet, so wouldnt admit to taking it at the time, but what counts is that he stopped Anthony from climbing behind the wheel. In the end someone else mightve too, but Jamies usually the first one to think of these things.

Ill start the pizza fund, I volunteer, fumbling around for one of Dads twenties. People are already sauntering through the front door, grabbing beer, and I point them in the direction of the pizza fund and talk to Charlie Kady and Dustin over the sound of the music. None of us have come down from our performance high yet and we dont intend to. The music gets louder and the beer chills and before you know it everybodys there and its happening just like Y and Z plannedthe perfect party.

The cast and crew buzz around each other, dancing and laughing and knocking back beer, and no one cares that theres no drugs because this party isnt about that; this partys about us. Kat and her girls, Michelle and Sondra, slide in and out of the scene too, shaking their asses like theyre in an old Destinys Child video, and they look really sexy doing it and they know it too but theyre only having fun. And all of a sudden someone gets smart and throws on Lose My Breath and then were all dancing like Destinys Child and its funnier than ever but its good too. Dustin, the terminally shy techie guy that never says two words to anyone outside the play, sings along and swivels his hips, his hair flying in a hundred directions. Hes Dustin the Diva and I edge closer to him, just to catch some of the fallout vibes. Its the most fantastic party Ive ever been to and it hasnt reached its zenith yet.

I grab another slice of double-cheese pizza from the kitchen because suddenly Im ravenous and if I wait much longer there wont be any left. Charlie comes in after me and palms a pepperoni for himself. Jamies next and the three of us get to talking so deep that no one can bear to leave the room. Charlie says he doesnt know what he wants to do now that the plays finished. Like all of a sudden he wont know where to focus his energy and hell have to join Greenpeace or something and save the polar bears.