Roger Zelazny - The chronicles of Amber

It was starting to end, after what seemed most of eternity to me.

I attempted to wriggle my toes, succeeded. I was sprawled there in a hospital bed and my legs were done up in plaster casts, but they were still mine.

I squeezed my eyes shut, and opened them, three times.

The room grew steady.

Where the hell was I?

Then the fogs were slowly broken, and some of that which is called memory returned to me. I recalled nights and nurses and needles. Every time things would begin to clear a bit, someone would come in and jab me with something. Thats how it had been. Yes. Now, though, I was feeling halfway decent. Theyd have to stop.

Wouldnt they?

The thought came to assail me: Maybe not.

Some natural skepticism as to the purity of all human motives came and sat upon my chest. Id been over narcotized, I suddenly knew. No real reason for it, from the way I felt, and no reason for them to stop now, if theyd been paid to keep it up. So play it cool and stay dopey, said a voice which was my worst, if wiser, self.

So I did.

A nurse poked her head in the door about ten minutes later, and I was, of course, still sacking Zs. She went away.

By then, Id reconstructed a bit of what had occurred

I had been in some sort of accident, I remembered vaguely. What had happened after that was still a blur; and as to what had happened before, I had no inkling whatsoever. But I had first been in a hospital and then brought to this place, I remembered. Why? I didnt know.

However, my legs felt pretty good. Good enough to hold me up, though I didnt know how much time had lapsed since their breakingand I knew theyd been broken.

So I sat up. It took me a real effort, as my muscles were very tired. It was dark outside and a handful of stars were standing naked beyond the window. I winked back at them and threw my legs over the edge of the bed.

I was dizzy, but after a while it subsided and I got up, gripping the rail at the head of the bed, and I took my first step.

Okay. My legs held me.

So, theoretically, I was in good enough shape to walk out.

I made it back to the bed, stretched out and thought. I was sweating and shaking. Visions of sugarplums, etc.

In the State of Denmark there was the odor of decay...

It had been an accident involving an auto, I recalled. One helluva one....

Then the door opened, letting in light, and through slits beneath my eyelashes I saw a nurse with a hypo in her hand.

She approached my bedside, a hippy broad with dark hair and big arms.

Just as she neared, I sat up.

Good evening, I said.

Whygood evening, she replied.

When do I check out? I asked.

Ill have to ask Doctor.

Do so, I said.

Please roll up your sleeve.

No thanks.

I have to give you an injection

No you dont. I dont need it

Im afraid thats for Doctor to say.

Then send him around and let him say it. But in the meantime, I will not permit it.

Im afraid I have my orders.

So did Eichmann, and look what happened to him, and I shook my head slowly.

Very well, she said. Ill have to report this...

Please do, I said, and while youre at it, tell him Ive decided to check out in the morning.

Thats impossible. You cant even walkand there were internal injuries....

Well see, said I. Good night

She swished out of sight without answering.

So I lay there and mulled. It seemed I was in some sort of private placeso somebody was footing the bill. Whom did I know? No visions of relatives appeared behind my eyes. Friends either. What did that leave? Enemies?

I thought a while.

Nothing.

Nobody to benefact me thus.

Id gone over a cliff in my car, and into a lake, I suddenly remembered. And that was all I remembered.

I was...

I strained and began to sweat again.

I didnt know who I was.

But to occupy myself, I sat up and stripped away all my bandages. I seemed all right underneath them, and it seemed the right thing to do. I broke the cast on my right leg, using a metal strut Id removed from the head of the bed. I had a sudden feeling that I had to get out in a hurry, that there was something I had to do.

I tested my right leg. It was okay.

I shattered the cast on my left leg, got up, went to the closet.

No clothes there.

Then I heard the footsteps. I returned to my bed and covered over the broken casts and the discarded bandages.

The door swung inward once again.

Then there was light all around me, and there was a beefy guy in a white jacket standing with his hand on the wall switch.

Whats this I hear about you giving the nurse a hard time? he asked, and there was no more feigning sleep.

I dont know, I said. What is it?

That troubled him for a second or two, said the frown then, Its time for your shot.

Are you an M.D.? I asked.

No, but Im authorized to give you a shot

And I refuse it I said, as Ive a legal right to do. Whats it to you?

Youll have your shot, he said, as he moved around to the left side of the bed. He had a hypo in one hand which bad been out of sight till then.

It was a very foul blow, about four inches below the belt buckle, Id say, and it left him on his knees.

____ ____! he said, after a time.

Come within spitting distance again, I said, and see what happens.

Weve got ways to deal with patients like you, he gasped.

So I knew the time had come to act.

Where are my clothes? I said.

____ ____! he repeated

Then I guess Ill have to take yours. Give them to me.

It became boring with the third repetition, so I threw the bedclothes over his head and clobbered him with the metal strut.

Within two minutes, Id say, I was garbed all in the color of Moby Dick and vanilla ice cream. Ugly.

I shoved him into the closet and looked out the lattice window. I saw the Old Moon with the New Moon in her arms, hovering above a row of poplars. The grass was silvery and sparkled. The night was bargaining weakly with the sun. Nothing to show, for me, where this place was located. I seemed to be on the third floor of the building though, and there was a cast square of light off to my left and low, seeming to indicate a first floor window with someone awake behind it.

So I left the room and considered the hallway. Off to the left, it ended against a wall with a latticed window, and there were four more doors, two on either side. Probably they let upon more doors like my own. I went and looked out the window and saw more grounds, more trees, more night, nothing new. Turning, I headed in the other direction.

Doors, doors, doors, no lights from under any of them, the only sounds my footsteps from the too big borrowed shoes.

Laughing Boys wristwatch told me it was five forty-four. The metal strut was inside my belt, under the white orderly jacket, and it rubbed against my hip bone as I walked. There was a ceiling fixture about every twenty feet, casting about forty watts of light.

I came to a stairway, off to the right, leading down. I took it. It was carpeted and quiet.

The second floor looked like my own, rows of rooms, so I continued on.

When I reached the first floor I turned right, looking for the door with light leaking out from beneath it.

I found it, way up near the end of the corridor, and I didnt bother to knock.

The guy was sitting there in a garish bathrobe, at a big shiny desk, going over some sort of ledger. This was no ward room. He looked up at me with burning eyes all wide and lips swelling toward a yell they didnt reach, perhaps because of my determined expression. He stood, quickly.