Greg Atwan - The Facebook Book

THIS BOOK IS A WORK OF FICTION, A PARODY .
Neither Mark Zuckerberg nor Facebook has in any way sponsored, approved, endorsed, or authorized this book. Any similarities to persons, living or dead, or to any existing entities or companies are purely coincidental.

Editor: Aiah R. Wieder
Designer: Alissa Faden
Production Manager: Jacquie Poirier

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Atwan, Greg, 1983
The Facebook book / by Greg Atwan & Evan Lushing; illustrated by
Aurora Andrews.
p. cm.
ISBN 978-0-8109-9557-4 (pbk.)
1. FacebookParodies, imitations, etc. I. Lushing, Evan, 1981II.
Andrews, Aurora, 1984III. Title.

PN6231.F24A89 2008
006.7dc22
2007044463

Text copyright 2008 Greg Atwan & Evan Lushing
Illustrations copyright 2008 Aurora Andrews

Published in 2008 by Abrams Image, an imprint of Harry N. Abrams, Inc.

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher.

115 West 18th Street
New York, NY 10011
www.abramsbooks.com

Dear Reader,

You might be wondering why I, Mark Zuckerberg, the youngest CEO in North America (Gurdayal Patel, 14, Im gunning for you), would take the time out of my day to write an introduction to this, a dead-tree book. After all, when man invented fire, did he continue to eat raw meat? When the Zuck bestowed Facebook upon the citizenry, did they continue to use Friendster? The arrow of progress is diamond-tipped and lightning-quick, and it cannot be stopped by man, beast, or firewall... or an actual wall of fire, for that matter. So I counsel you, dear reader, to put down this molded tome (overweight at 8 ounces), jog to the nearest hotspot, and read a blog or Drudge Report or a Google Map. Better yet, sign on to Facebook and send some gifts. We got this great new one thats a Rubiks Cube with your friends faces on it. A steal at $1.75.

But to answer your question. Why did I contribute my time to this fruitless venture? I could have programmed three apps and poked a whole high school in the time its taking me to write this (FYI: Im just a really slow writer; those are not simple tasks). There is actually a very good reason, beyond the fact that Greg and Evan agreed not to include screenshots of FaceMash if I introduced their book. That reason is this: Facebook is not just a facebook. Its not just the most popular website for collegians. Its not just in the name of the second most popular MIT major (Facebook Studies).... Its a way of perceiving reality. Hyperbole? Hubris? Insanity? Dont think so. Im quoting a study done by actual professors and scientists at an accredited institution. The same guys behind Super-Duper String Theory.

What Im trying to get at is this: When the paradigm is shifted, some people (old people) can feel left out. With the advent of rock n roll in the sixties of the previous century, a cappella and zydeco were forced to retreat to regional festivals and liberal arts campuses. Thusly, the march of progress. For those of you left getting your news via the application of graphite depositions to cellulose, or nautical semaphore, I offer you this book, a good old-timey folio like mama used to read. Look and feel it now, cozy and firm in your hands. Nary a virus or spammer to be found. The content wont update, no matter how stale it gets. Read at your leisure with any available light source, including (but not limited to) gas lamp. Will you enjoy it? No idea. Never read it. But youll sure learn about what youre missing. And who wouldnt pay a couple of Indian Head nickels for that!

Sincerely,

A Key to Special Features

How Huge Is Huge?

Youve heard the stats: 60 million users, 10,000 registrations a day, most popular site for people under twenty-five, least popular site for neo-Nazis. But stats are the poor mans words. How big is Facebook really?

Justin Timberlake performs at your high school big.

the iPods share of the MP3-player market big.

the Dalai Lamas preeminence over other lamas big.

Google big.

a Vegas casino, all of its slot machines would be those jumbo ones you see in the lobby.

an NBA player, it would actually be fairly unskilled because it could dominate on size alone.

a Monopoly token, it would be the anvil stacked on the dog.

a store, it would be a Wal-Mart with a McDonalds sub-store.

Whats the last big movie you can think of? It involved dwarves and Wagner, right? Didnt exactly alter the customs of socializing, now did it? What about the last big personal transportation device? Remember, the one that was supposed to be a rocket-pack but ended up being a roller skate with a pole? Didnt quite revolutionize flirting. And what about the last big Supreme Court decision? The one about habeas corpus on international territory governed by a military agency. Wow. That didnt even warrant a shout-out in