Jane Hyun - Flex: The New Playbook for Managing Across Differences

D EDICATED TO G ARY A. P ARRETT, WHO SHOWED US HOW TO CLOSE THE POWER GAP.

A ND TO M AUREEN B UDWAY, FOR YOUR INSPIRATION OF FAITH, LAUGHTER, ARTISTRY, COURAGE, AND FRIENDSHIP.

Contents

T his book could not be completed without the work, support, and love from our community. It was truly a collective effort. We thank those who stood by our side and shared their talents with us.

For being an integral part of this journey, our friend, coworker, the go-to person, and the glue that holds everything together: Lisa Craig

To our clients around the world: Thank you for sharing your lives with us and teaching us lessons in return.

For giving voice to our work : Leslie Miller

For bringing this book to life: our agent, Stephanie Kip Rostan; and Colleen Lawrie and Hollis Heimbouch at HarperCollins

For providing our concept with art for our cover: Daniel Koh at agendanyc.com

For the graphics that highlight our words: Jerome Walford

For bringing wisdom to our work: Eva Chou, Jim Jones, Jimmy Lee, Juan Lopez, Connie & Kent Matsumoto, Gabi Page-Fort, Sri Rajagopalan, Guy Rockey, Thomas Tseng, Sheila Robinson, Mary-Frances Winters, Fiona Wong, Richard Wong, Asia Society, Daria Lamb & the Conference Board, Jonathan Beane and Lisa Quiroz at Time Warner

For being our mentors and friends on this journey: Ted Childs, Doug Conant, Dr. Price Cobbs, Deb Dagit, Manny Espinoza, Tom Greco, Mitch Hammer, Frances Hesselbein, Ron Parker, Toni Riccardi, Melinda Wolfe, Sylvia Ann Hewlett, Lauren Leader-Chivee and Peggy Shiller, and the Center for Talent Innovation

For those who shared their stories with us: Ahad Afridi, Ray Bain, Linda Banion, Sheri Bronstein, Mary Jane Butler, June Carter, Heidi Casey, Eugenia Castillo, Jenny Cha, Ivan Chan, Fanny Chen, Joy Chen, Kuntesh Chokshi, Anne Chow, Wilson Chu, Lieutenant General Ronald Coleman (Retired), Flor Colon, Doug Conant, Peggy Craig, Orlando Crespo, David Cross, A. B. Cruz, Linson Daniel, Rafe Esquith, Raudline Etienne, Erby Foster, Michelle Gadsden-Williams, George Gaston, David Goderich, Linda Griego, Claire Gruppo, Tim Haahs, Mark Hershey, Rich Hille, Mae Hong, David Howse, Jae Im, Bill Ingham, Juan Roberto Job, Toby Johnson, Dr. Adina Kalet, So-Young Kang, Rich Kelly, Roger Kim, Rosaline Koo, Jackie Krese, Rose Kwan, Inwha Lee, Don Liu, Stephanie Lofgren, Emile Mack, Jeff Marcus, Drew McGregor, Pat McManus, Jackie McNab, Tim Minges, Steve Miola, Grace Chiang Nicolette, Jacob Pak, Lindsey Pollack, Bill Pollard, Marnie Raymond, Steve Raymond, Veta Richardson, Maria Rios, Quentin Roach, Christy Rutherford, Janet Salazar, Jim Schaefer, Steve Schloss, Ofir Shalev, Dr. Joseph Shin, Ray Short, Angel Stewart, Carol Tan, Nico Van der Merwe, Drew Wahl, Gloria Wahl, Mark Washington, Phil Webber, Bill Welder, Scott Wharton, Carol Wittmeyer, Richard Wong, Anne Marie Yarwood, James Yen, Robert Yi, Rachel Yoka, and many others we have met along the way.

FROM AUDREY:

I shall run the way of Your commandments, for You will enlarge my heart.

P SALM 119:32

To my husband, Alan Wong for being the one Ive been waiting for. Thank you for the love that gives me joy and healing every day.

To Mom Thank you for providing the foundation that continues to hold me up, even in the darkest times.

To Mom and Dad Wong, Connie, Zack, and Audrita Im so glad to be part of the family. Thank you for being so welcoming!

To Kathy Keenan and the team at Oak Ridge, Don Morrison and Tom Hamilton Thank you for being my earliest mentors and setting strong examples for me.

To Jane Hyun Thank you for the opportunities.

To dear friends who have supported me through this journey. Thank you for your listening hearts and helpful advice:

All Angels Inwood House Church (Jeff, Yavonne, Renee, NamHee, Erik, Bikki, Dan, and Rachel); the worship community at St. Ignatius of Antioch Episcopal Church; Suzanne Allen; Nancy Chan; Archelle and Monique Funni; Georgetown Leadership Coaching Cohort 23; Alison Hwang; Jan Kang; Ina Kraus; Stephanie Lau; Agnes Lee; Ginny Lee; Walter Lee; Max Martina; Denine Monet; Soohee Kang-Nam; Kathie Ping-Heap; Toni Riccardi; Ray Short; Suzanne Timmer; Helen and Sam Tsang; and Deanna Witkowski

FROM JANE:

Yang Jae Kim, my Gomo, I will never forget the imprint you left on me as a young girl. I am forever grateful and miss you terribly.

Thank you, David, for extending your patience and wise counsel during all the late nights.

Abigail and Timothy, your smiles bring life-giving energy to me each day.

Mom, Dad, and Susan, thank you for showing me nothing but unconditional love.

Jewel and Gene Hyun, thank you for the many ways you support us to pursue our calling.

Alyce, Rob, Josephine, and Lowell, you are a blessing to me.

Audrey, thank you for the collaboration. After four years of stops and starts, we did it!

Wendy and Ali Ager, Charlie and Jeannie Drew, Liana Loh, So-Chung Shinn-Lee, Linda Kelly, Sue Yim, and Moon Sung were early cheerleaders and supporters along the way.

Our MIP groupJane and Kristin, thank you for your faithfulness.

Special thanks to Carolyn, Alice, Sandra, and SujinI treasure our times together.

Our small group at EPCYour good humor and grace helps me get through another day.

Thank you, God, for the opportunity to serve others.

Thou my best thought, by day or by night, Waking or sleeping, thy presence my light.

B E T HOU M Y V ISION

You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.

A TTICUS F INCH, IN T O K ILL A M OCKINGBIRD , BY H ARPER L EE

W e feel its only right to warn you: this book might make you a little uncomfortable. This is a book about differences, a topic that ranges from awkward to scary to strictly off-limits for some people. And as we work more frequently with people who are different from us, we notice that people are still very hesitant to have an open dialogue about what makes us different, sometimes avoiding the topic altogether. But ignoring our differences at work doesnt make problems go away. In some cases, it exacerbates themcausing employees to feel misunderstood and unsuccessful, and managers to hit their heads against walls, stymied by how to get the best from everyone around them.

This book is about becoming curious again. Its about investigating what makes different people tick and respond the way they do. Its about finding common ground on which to build stronger relationships, and having positive dialogue with each person at the table who brings divergent, unique perspectives. Its about first recognizing superficial traits and behaviors, then valuing a deeper look beneath the surface. Its about suspending judgment until you get to really know the person. And its about knowing how and when to put useful information and tools to work as you strategically shift how you respond to you and your employees differences, whether they are cultural or generational, or whether they stem from the gender gap or even disparities in communication styles. This book offers what courageous, thoughtful leaders need in order to operate successfully in todays diverse, global workplace.

In life and in business, all great relationships are built on the essential principles of trust and respect. When trust is present, its exciting to watch relationships flourish, people and teams become productive, and companies prosper. The problems start when there is a breakdown in trust, and when you fail to realize that people build trust in different ways. Miscommunication often occurs when respect is interpreted in a variety of ways by people with different backgrounds, and when those differences remain unstated and unobserved in relationships. For some, respect may mean taking the initiative to resolve project roadblocks without involving the managertheir way of showing their superior respect and protecting the bosss precious time. Another worker might show his respect by deferring to the bosss direction first, afraid that his superior might lose face by being shown up by an underling. Barriers arise when workers from different cultural contexts expect others to behave the same way they do, without understanding that while the intent might be the same (e.g., to show respect), the behaviors might look very different. We want to help remove these barriers that keep you from truly engaging colleagues who are different from you, and to do so in a way that strengthens, not hurts, the work relationship.