Melody Carlson - Dear Mom: Everything Your Teenage Daughter Wants You to Know But Will Never Tell You

Right up front, I want you to know that I do not consider myself an expert on parenting. Not at all! And I think parenting teenagers is the hardest job on the planet. I am so very thankful to have that behind me now (my sons are in their late twentiesa whole different kind of challenge). But for whatever reason, I seem to have an internal teen connection, understanding, empathy whatever you want to call it. Or so my teen readers tell me in letters, e-mails, and book reviews.

In fact, one teen girl said to me, Mrs. Carlson, I think you have a teenage girl trapped inside, uh, wellshe stammered for the right wordsinside the body of a middle-aged woman. Her cheeks turned red, and I had to laugh at the compliment (or was it an insult?).

She nailed it. I do have a teenage girl stuck inside me. The truth is, I do remember how it felt to be a teen, and I do relate to teenage challenges and struggles. That's why I write so many books for young adults. I have great empathy for teen girls, especially these days, when the world and stresses and pressures push in from all sides.

I also have empathy for moms, and I realize that it's easy to forget what it felt like to be a teen when you are trying to be the parent of a teen. Teens challenge us at every turn, and we want to come across as having it together and being intelligent and, you know, the adult. Because we're the grownups, we think we should have the answers and our kids should listen to us, and we even think we deserve a little respect from time to time.

Well, think again.

At least that's probably what your teen would sayand that's why I wrote this book. I want to help you understand, and maybe even remember, what it's like to be a teen. I want to help translate all those times your daughter comes into the kitchen and starts ragging on you for looking like Mrs. Frumpty-Dumpty, saying things like: Get a clue, Mom, those Crocs are like so last year. What she's really saying is, I'm hurt and angry today because my supposedly best friend made fun of me in front of a guy I like.

Of course, your daughter will never tell you that verbatim.

So take off your parent hat, consider wrapping the cover of this book in a brown paper bag (so the kids don't see you reading it), and see if some of the stuff in here doesn't help you make a little more sense of your girl and your lives together. Consider this your chance to walk a mile in your daughter's flip-flops.

Dear Mom,

Maybe it's already too late to tell you to put down this book, because I know you don't like to waste your money. At least you don't like me to waste your money. Anyway I know you want me to believe that you would never intentionally waste your moneynot that I'm totally convinced of this, but never mind about me. It might not be too late for you, Mom. If you're still in the bookstore, trying to decide whether or not you'll like this book, wondering if it will be worth your time (oh, did I mention your money?), it's not too late to just set it down and walk away. Just walk away, and no one will get hurt, because, seriously, what is there about parenting me (your sweet, innocent teenage daughter) that you don't already get?

You're a cool momyou can handle this, right?

Even if someone gave you this book, that doesn't mean you need to read it. Who cares if Grandma or Aunt Sue thought it was just the ticket to help you work out things with your beastly teenage daughter. We know Grandma and Aunt Sue aren't that smart about this stuff.

Oh, maybe they've heard you complain about me, or maybe they even heard me mouth off to you (that one time) or saw me freeze you out (I was irritated, okay?), so they decided you need this how-to book to straighten me out. Well, you know as well as I do that they just need to get a life. They obviously don't realize that you really do know what you're doing, Mom. They just can't appreciate that you already have things under control (everything but me, that is, and we both know that's not gonna happen). So why waste your time with this book?

You're still reading, aren't you? You're still not convinced? Fine, Mom, I'll make it easy for you. Here are six reasons why you should toss this book right now.

1. You won't like what you read, and you know the saying ignorance is bliss.