Charlie Taylor - Divas & Dictators: The Secrets to Having a Much Better Behaved Child

They throw tantrums over the smallest thing, theydevelop astonishing food fads that have their chefsrunning about in search of the correct ingredients, theydemand continuous attention and can't bear it if anyoneelse gets a look-in, even for a moment. They leave theirclothes and possessions discarded around the house andhave no respect for other people's time or property.Ideally, they like to be followed around by a fawningentourage who will protect them from the outside worldand bow to their every whim and command. Theybecome self-centred and unpredictable, one minute theyare charming and funny, the next they are screaming,crying delinquents.

Our children bring enormous happiness to our lives.However, at times, they may show the same impossible,irrational behaviour that we associate with grown-updivas and dictators from the gossip pages of newspapersand flickering black and white images on the HistoryChannel. Parents, however calm and rational, havemoments when the business of being a mother or a fathergets too much. As a parent of three under-tens, I knowhow children have a remarkable, in-built capacity to pushour buttons and a knack of doing it when we are at ourmost tired and stressed. Parents can easily get stuck in acycle that begins to feed the bad behaviour and make itmore likely to be repeated.

This book is for all parents, regardless of how well theirchildren behave, not just for the few who put up withsome really challenging behaviour. It is not about gettingperfectly behaved children (what a hideous thought!),rather it gives a range of practical strategies that parentscan use straight away to make their children's behaviour'better'. As parents, we inevitably hit some sticky patcheswith our children. The ideas in Divas & Dictators will stopthis behaviour developing into longer-lasting, moredamaging patterns.

There is a lot of talk these days about the 'work-lifebalance' as though there is an achievable equilibriumwhen we achieve a nirvana of perfection as a parent,alongside a satisfying and stimulating career. The reality isthat if we can find some sort of reasonable work/lifemuddle then we will be doing just fine. The strategies inthis book will help make for calmer, more positive parentswho feel less guilt and can spend more time enjoying thefun bits of bringing up children.

I developed the ideas in Divas & Dictators through mylong experience of working with children with behaviouraldifficulties and their parents. I have taught foreighteen years in tough inner-city primary and comprehensiveschools and I am currently the headteacher of aschool for children with behavioural difficulties in westLondon. We take the most challenging and sociallydeprived children who have been excluded from schooland aim to turn their behaviour round and get them backinto mainstream education. I run regular training workshopsfor parents on positive behaviour management. Ialso do lots of work with individual parents who arehaving difficulty with their children.

This book contains a range of positive strategies thatwill give parents a framework to use when dealing withany type of behaviour. First, we look at why childrenmisbehave and how the reactions of parents can feed intothe pattern. Then I describe how, by dramatically increasingthe amount of praise, parents can improve and embedbetter behaviour. There are additional sections on the roleand effectiveness of rewards and punishments, on improvingroutines and a description of how to play with yourchildren to get better behaviour. The last section ofthe book contains suggestions for dealing with specific,common issues that arise in all families, from bedtimes tocar journeys to homework.

I hope that you will be able to read the book in full andthen refer back to it whenever you need a bit of support,when some tricky behaviour arises.

I am acutely aware of the constant guilt we feel asparents that we are not doing as well as we should be. Ihope this book will help you recognise what a good jobyou are doing. One of the overarching themes of the bookis the use of praise and I wish, as parents, we were betterat praising ourselves.

These strategies work with children with the most challengingbehaviour at my school. They work with my ownchildren. They will work with your children too.