Bev Aisbett - Worry-Proofing Your Anxious Child

CONTENTS

BEV AISBETT is the author and illustrator of 15 highly regarded self-help texts for sufferers of anxiety and depression, most notably Living with IT and Taming the Black Dog. These books are distributed to health professionals nationwide and have been translated into four languages.

A trained counsellor, Bev is also the facilitator of the Art of Anxiety recovery program in Melbourne. For those unable to attend her workshop in person, she offers a home-study version, The Art of Anxiety DVD Workshop, as well as other online resources and services. She conducts lectures to assist sufferers of depression and anxiety within metropolitan and regional Victoria.

Bev is also a recognised artist, and her soulful paintings have been regularly exhibited in Victoria and Tasmania.

Workshop and lecture information,

and other anxiety resources:

www.bevaisbettartofanxiety.com

Living IT Up

Letting IT Go

Get Real

Taming the Black Dog

The Little Book of IT

Fixing IT

Recovery: A Journey to Healing

The Book of IT

Get Over IT

I Love Me

All of IT: A Memoir

Living with IT

30 Days 30 Ways to Overcome Anxiety

30 Days 30 Ways to Overcome Depression

Worry-Proofing Your Anxious Child

HarperCollinsPublishers

Australia Brazil Canada France Germany Holland Hungary

India Italy Japan Mexico New Zealand Poland Spain Sweden

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First published in Australia in 2020

by HarperCollinsPublishers Australia Pty Limited

ABN 36 009 913 517

harpercollins.com.au

Copyright Bev Aisbett 2020

The right of Bev Aisbett to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright Amendment (Moral Rights) Act 2000.

This work is copyright. Apart from any use as permitted under the Copyright Act 1968, no part may be reproduced, copied, scanned, stored in a retrieval system, recorded, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

HarperCollinsPublishers

Level 13, 201 Elizabeth Street, Sydney, NSW 2000, Australia

Unit D1, 63 Apollo Drive, Rosedale 0632, Auckland, New Zealand

A 75, Sector 57, Noida, Uttar Pradesh 201 301, India

1 London Bridge Street, London SE1 9GF, United Kingdom

Bay Adelaide Centre, East Tower, 22 Adelaide Street West, 41st Floor, Toronto, Ontario, M5H 4E3, Canada

195 Broadway, New York, NY 10007, USA

ISBN 978 1 4607 5719 2 (paperback)

ISBN 978 1 4607 1095 1 (ebook)

ISBN 978 1 4607 9435 7 (audiobook)

A catalogue record for this book is available from the National Library of Australia.

Cover and internal illustrations by Bev Aisbett

Cover design by Hazel Lam, HarperCollins Design Studio

To my parents

who did their best for

their anxious child

CONTENTS

First up, this is not a book on PARENTING.

My expertise is not in that field. So Im going to assume that youre doing the best job at being a parent as any normal, flawed human being can.

In other words, youll get it right sometimes and sometimes you wont, and thats okay. Youre doing the best that you know how, but a little extra LEARNING always comes in handy, yes?

Parenting is a tough and tricky job, and sometimes there are extra CHALLENGES that make it seem even harder, such as having a child who is anxious.

What I am an expert on is this thing called ANXIETY, and this book is designed to help you UNDERSTAND it so that you can help your child deal with their own anxiety.

My approach is not necessarily a conventional one. The focus is not on this being a big, hairy problem, so much as NOT MAKING IT into a big, hairy problem!

For a start, I find any message unhelpful that says that someone is STUCK with anxiety.

To my mind and in my own personal experience of anxiety, it is more of a reactive approach to lifes ups and downs than a condition.

So, youll find that Im not big on protecting your children from anxiety as much as teaching them how not to FEAR it. It (or IT, as anxiety is known in my other books) is not a MONSTER but a part of the self that needs some reining in, soothing and direction.

There is no greater motivator than anxiety to force POSITIVE and NECESSARY changes to ones approach to life.

If this opportunity is seized if the HEALTHY changes become the FOCUS instead of the anxiety the REWARDS can last a lifetime.

With these new LIFE SKILLS in place, anxiety ceases to be all-consuming and, in time and with PRACTICE, can become a non-issue and even a helpful asset.

My aim is to show you and your little worrier how to make that happen.

While the approaches in this book are designed to help guide you in assisting your child, if the childs anxiety remains OVERWHELMING and ONGOING, it may be necessary to seek PROFESSIONAL HELP.

This does not necessarily mean that your childs anxiety is more SERIOUS than normal, but they may simply need to explore issues on a more PERSONAL level.

There are situations where a childs anxiety is affecting them to a SIGNIFICANT level or their anxiety has arisen out of genuine TRAUMA, and these will most certainly require professional attention.

A good place to begin is to speak with your childs teachers or the school counsellor about how your child is COPING, and ask about the type of SUPPORT they would recommend. Also, you can have a conversation with your GP about getting a referral to see a therapist and possibly set up a mental health care plan.

Choosing the right THERAPIST for your child is a significant choice because this person will act as an ALLY, CONFIDANT and FRIEND to your child.

The child needs to feel CONFIDENT in their therapist and that they can TRUST them enough to share their deepest fears and feelings. It is therefore important that you INCLUDE your child in choosing the appropriate therapist for them.

Ideally, give the RELATIONSHIP a chance to grow, rather than making a decision after just one session. Two or three sessions may be enough to determine COMPATABILITY and whether there is PROGRESS, and ask your child to give you feedback along the way so you can UNDERSTAND how theyre feeling.

I think my child has ANXIETY!

Im really WORRIED for her!

Okay, BOTH of you worrying isnt going to HELP, is it?

ANXIETY itself is NORMAL!

Its an EVOLUTIONARY HANGOVER that is part of our SURVIVAL INSTINCT.

This goes back to ancient times when we had to be ALERT to any potential DANGER, such as:

PREDATORS

ENEMIES

SHORTAGE OF SURVIVAL NEEDS

PHYSICAL DANGERS