Becky A. Bailey - I Love You Rituals

In my own journey in working with disadvantaged children and those children who have experienced a number of lifes challenges, Dr. Pat Clark, friend and colleague, and I began studying Developmental Play by Dr. Viola Brody and Theraplay by the late Ann Jernberg. I am indebted to the wisdom of these great women. Studying their work was a life-changing experience for me. Each of these approaches requires adults to be present, in the moment, engaged with children. If you had asked me earlier in my life, Becky, do you believe you are truly present with children when you interact with them? I would have responded with a definite yes. I came to discover that this was not accurate. I, like many of you, have been socialized to think either of the past (what I should have done) or the future (what I need to do next). The present was an elusive commodity for me.

As I began my personal journey, I found out something very surprising: I was frightened of the present moment. This understanding was inspired by the work, friendship, and love of Carol Howe. The saying goes, When the student is ready, the teacher appears. This was the case with Carol, who is my teacher, mentor, and friend. The present was where my feelings were located. I had spent so many years staying busy, exercising, achieving, and taking care of others; I never realized these were different forms of compulsion to drown out my feelings. I also thought that if I relaxed and let down my defenses, people would see me as incompetent or unworthy. What I discovered, with Carols guidance, was that when I chose to relax and be in the present, I felt connected and loved. My fears melted away. The more I could stay in the moment, the more I could engage with children. Just think about it. If young children live in the present and adults spend most of their time in the past or in the future, we have abandoned our children to some degree.

This book, I Love You Rituals, came out of my journey from being lost in the past and projecting my thoughts into the future to rediscovering myself in the present. I once read, The true gifts of life lie in the moment. That is why we call it the present. We, as a culture, have replaced presence with presents.

Each moment we have a choice to be fully present and loving or available yet disconnected. I Love You Rituals were created in my moments with children. They have truly been gifts to me. I have had the privilege of connecting with some wonderful children, all of whom demanded, in their own way, that I stay present with them. For those children and the moments we spent together, I am thankful. The vast majority of these songs and chants I learned during my childhood or were taught to me over the years by children, parents, or teachers. Every effort has been made to locate the creators and authors of these rhymes and give them due credit. I am grateful to the generations of people who have kept these fingerplays and activities, some of which go back hundreds of years, alive.

As with any endeavor, this book came about through a synergy of people and events. I originally sat at the computer to work on a book entitled Conscious Discipline. Instead, this book is what came forth. I was blessed with inspiration and am appreciative. I want to acknowledge my godchild, Etta June, who played many of these rituals with me and helped me more clearly define the hand positions. Kate ONeil willingly stood in as a guinea pig if no child was available. She taught me the value of these experiences for adults as well as children. Jeff Jones shared his artistic talents by drawing the illustrations. Toni Sciarra, my editor, has been as much a mentor as an editor. She is a master listener. Her ability to reflect back to me what I thought I was saying brought clarity. With this clarity came peace. I am deeply grateful for her skills and talents. Thanks to Gareth Esersky, my literary agent for believing in the work.

Dr. Robert Schuller once called me my new friend Becky Bailey. I am grateful to Dr. Schuller who indeed has been a true friend in supporting my work. His positive message has inspired and helped me as well as millions of other people.

Finally, I would like to thank those people in my life who taught me about ritualsmy family and friends. I am deeply grateful to a group of friends affectionately called the Longwood Ladies. They were the first to teach me about ritual. Thank you, Mom and Dad, for your consistent gifts of love. To my second mother, Ellen, you are a treasure, and Dot, thank you for your faith and love. To Lucas, thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life.

When I was younger, I used to get pains in my stomach. My Grandmother Canipe would have me lie on the couch, and she would sit down in such a way that I would curl around her. As the pains eventually disappeared, I continued to sit with her on the couch in this fashion. I watched television while she snapped beans. It became an I love you ritual for us. To this day when I curl on the couch to watch television, I reconnect with her. I am so grateful for those moments, and even though she passed away over twenty-five years ago, through our ritual her presence is still with me. These I Love You Rituals are my present to your presence. Good journey!