Taylor - Your children are listening: nine messages they need to hear from you

PRAISE FOR DR. JIM TAYLOR AND
Your Children Are Listening

Dr. Jim Taylors strengths are his compassionate voice,
his insights into parents and childrens psyches, and his boots on
the ground approach to helping parents send healthy messages to
their children. In a world filled with harmful messages, Your Children
Are Listening will resonate with all parents.
MICHELE BORBA, EDD,
author of Parents Do Make a Difference and
The Big Book of Parenting Solutions

In a world where children are surrounded by negative messages,
Dr. Jim Taylor gives parents the tools they need to effectively
communicate healthy, positive messages that will infuse their
childrens hearts, minds and souls.
MICHELLE LAROWE,
author of A Moms Ultimate Book of Lists, Working Moms 411
and the Nanny to the Rescue! Parenting Series

ALSO BY DR. JIM TAYLOR

Positive Pushing: How to Raise a Successful and Happy Child

Your Children are Under Attack: How Popular Culture is Destroying
Your Kids Values, and How You Can Protect Them

NINE MESSAGES THEY
NEED TO HEAR FROM YOU

Jim Taylor, PhD

YOUR CHILDREN ARE LISTENING: Nine Messages They Need to Hear from You
Copyright Jim Taylor, 2011

All rights reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio, television, or online reviews, no portion of this book may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or information storage or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

The Experiment, LLC
260 Fifth Avenue
New York, NY 100016408
www.theexperimentpublishing.com

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Library of Congress Control Number: 2011925091
ISBN 978-1-61519-034-8
Ebook ISBN 978-1-61519-135-2

Cover design by Michael Fusco | mpulsedesign.com
Cover photograph by Stuart Cobue | Shutterstock
Author photograph by Gary Yost
Text design by Pauline Neuwirth, Neuwirth & Associates, Inc.

Distributed by Workman Publishing Company, Inc.
Distributed simultaneously in Canada by Thomas Allen and Son Ltd.
First published June 2011

DEDICATED TO

Carol Mann, literary agent extraordinaire, for taking a chance when others wouldnt and finding the best home for my book.

Matthew Lore, my publisher at The Experiment, who, even in todays challenging book publishing environment, got my message. Your vision, editorial input, and collaborative spirit made Your Children Are Listening a reality.

Gerry Sindell, my mentor, friend, book doctor, and officiant at my wedding, whose faith, perspective, and insight have helped make my journey through the unpredictable world of publishing a passion, a joy, and one of constant discovery, wonder, and fulfillment.

My father, Shel; my late mother, Ceci; and my sister, Heidi; for their love, support, and acceptance.

My daughters, Catie and Gracie, who never stop sending me messages on how I can be a better father and whose calls of Daddy! and hugs and kisses each day make parenting oh-so worth it. And, of course, for their daily contributions to this book. How much do I love you? Sooo much!

Finally, Sarah, my bride and the mother of our two daughters, for her support of the sometimes crazy career I have chosen, for leading the way in raising Catie and Gracie so well, and, ultimately, for making my life complete. I love you madly!

Consider the toddler. Having made it through the year of infancy, a year of almost complete helplessness, toddlers are entering a radical new phase of life. They are learning to stand on their own (a nice metaphor, dont you think?) and are on their way to taking their first steps. Soon they will be feeding themselves. Toddlers will be exploring speech and making themselves understood. Two years from now, when this period of learning is complete, children will understand that they are separate beings from their parents. They will be able to say, Yes! No! Thank you, and even I love you, and know what they mean. Toddler-hood is that magical time when children learn the beginnings of personhood.

Now consider the preschooler. In many ways, preschoolers appear to be little adults, having mastered many of the basics of personhood. They can talk (and be mostly understood) in an evergrowing vocabulary, dress and feed themselves, walk, run, climb, and jump. Yet, preschoolers are still just starting on their journey toward personhood, along which their personalities will become more defined and their values, attitudes, and beliefs about themselves and the world will form and become ingrained in their minds.

Finally, consider the elementary schooler entering that big and exciting world beyond their home. Its a world they are not fully prepared to navigate. Nonetheless, they are thrust out the front door into an intense maelstrom of messages, both positive and negative, which they are still largely ill prepared to assimilate in any kind of reasoned fashion. Over the next few years, their personalities and their self-perceptions and views of the world will become more established and will guide the direction that their lives will take.

Toddlerhood, preschool, and the early elementary school years are also the time when you have your best possible chance to have your say about what kind of person you would like your child to become. Perhaps eight years max. After that, your influence slowly but inexorably diminishes.

I have a PhD in psychology and am the author of two previous parenting books, I have a consulting practice that involves working with young people and their parents, and I regularly speak to gatherings of parents, educators, and students around the world. For many years Ive been a parenting expert. But heres the hitch: I wrote those parenting books and became a so-called parenting expert before I had children.

The instant my first daughter, Catie, was born, I went from being an authority on parenting to just another baffled parent trying to muddle through raising my children. In fifteen years I may write another parenting book titled Im Sorry, They Seemed Like Good Ideas at the Time.

That said, my professional experience has demonstrated that my ideas about raising children do stand up to the test of real-life parenting. Now that I am the father of two young girls, five-year-old Catie and three-year-old Gracie, I have firsthand experience to support the value of my approach to raising children. Plus, being a parent has helped me to better understand what actually works and what doesnt in the real world of raising children.