Table of Contents
for Debra Haffners books
FROM DIAPERS TO DATING
A Parents Guide to Raising Sexually Healthy Children
A valuable book...to develop a comfortable, ongoing constructive rapport with your children about sex.
Washington Post
Realistic, practical, and informativethe best kind of guide for being a better parentHaffner [offers] a clear-eyed assist with deciding what sexual values to impart to children, and then advice on coupling those values with accurate, age-appropriate information.
Kirkus Reviews
A terrific book.
Time magazine
This book is an invaluable resource that youll come back to time after time. Filled with sound, sensible advice and guidelines, it covers everything from what to do when you find your kids playing doctor to how to respond when your preteen wants to read Playboy. Not only does it teach you how to talk to your kids about sexuality, it also helps you decide what you want to say to them.
Lynda Madaras, author, The Whats Happening to My Body? Books for Boys and Girls
I think every household with children under sixteen should have this book!Debra Haffner is just the right mix of parent and friend; she defies labels of conservative or liberal. Rather, she is an advocate for children and for their right to have good rules and reliable knowledge so that their sexual and emotional growth is nurtured and safeguarded.
Dr. Pepper Schwartz, Professor of Sociology, University of Washington
BEYOND THE BIG TALK
A Parents Guide to Raising Sexually Healthy Teens
Picking up from where her first book left off, Haffner explores the choppy seas of adolescence, from middle school to collegeand offers solid advice and resources to parents, who will greatly appreciate her candor.
Booklist
Writing in an engaging style, Haffner addresses the individual topics families face at different points in adolescence. This highly recommended resource is sure to be welcomed by parents of teenagersand future teenagerseverywhere.
Voice of Youth Advocates
Credible and reassuring, Haffner carefully articulates what the range of values might be on a particular issue, but makes it clear that it is up to parents to convey their own values to their children.
Family Life Matters, Rutgers University
WHAT EVERY 21st-CENTURY PARENT NEEDS TO KNOW
Facing Todays Challenges with Wisdom and Heart
As a long-time youth advocate, I recommend that every parent and grandparent read Debra Haffners book. A parent herself, shes out there all the time listening and talking to others about their concerns. Shes smart, compassionate, and practical in this essential guide that pulls no punches about the difficulties and joys of parenting today.
Jane Fonda
Debra Haffner shows terrific sensitivity to the developmental needs of teens and the anxieties of parents with adolescents. She understands the importance of science, of common sense, and of moral values in helping parents provide guidance to young people.
John Santelli, M.D., Chair, Department of Population and Family Health, Columbia University School of Public Health
From child development research, public health, faith traditions, and sexuality education, Debra Haffner has amassed a deep lake of knowledge.This book empowers parents [with] buckets of practical advice.
Karen Hein, M.D., former President, William T. Grant Foundation
With overwhelming love and appreciation to my two best teachers: Alyssa Haffner Tartaglione and Gregory Joseph Haffner Tartaglione. And to the man who makes everything possible, Ralph Tartaglione.
This book has been a joy to write! Although I did most of my writing before the sun even came up, I felt supported by a large number of people as I wrote.
I am very grateful to both the staff and the board of directors at SIECUS for their encouragement and support of the first edition. I have adapted the messages for children found in the boxes in each chapter with permission from two excellent SIECUS publications: Guidelines for Comprehensive Sexuality Education, KindergartenTwelfth Grade and Right from the Start: Guidelines for Sexuality Issues, Birth to Five Years.
I am grateful to Amy Levine, who conducted much of the painstaking research for this book. She was always eager and willing to track down obscure references, arcane facts, and little details.
I am grateful to my friends and colleagues for sharing their stories of raising their children with me. I have changed the names of their children to protect their privacy. In particular, I would like to thank Ilene Wachs, Linda Bearinger, Dr. Elizabeth Feldman, Dr. Scott Spear, Barbara Levi-Berliner, Jodi Wallace, and Dr. Pepper Schwartz for sharing their stories with me. I am also grateful to the thousands of parents who shared their stories with me during the five years since this book first came out.
I am indebted to my colleagues and dear friends who read drafts of this manuscript: Shannon Colestock, Dr. Rosella Fanelli, Barbara Levi-Berliner, Dr. Doug Kirby, Dr. Bob Selverstone, Dr. Pepper Schwartz, and Monica Rodriguez. Their comments and suggestions made this a much better book.
On a personal note, I am so thankful to Dr. Pepper Schwartz for convincing and teaching me that I have books inside me to write.
This book was born at a Renaissance Weekend where I first met Esther Margolis, the publisher of Newmarket Press. Thank you to Phil and Linda Lader for including me in these weekends and the worlds they have opened up to me.
Thank you to Esther for believing in the importance of this project and for her unfailing support. And this is a much better book because of the loving care of my editor, Elissa Altman, at Newmarket Press.
I want to thank my parents, Harriet Haffner Hetherington and Saul Haffner, for the excellent sexuality education I received growing up in their home. Those early dinner table discussions are the foundations of this book. I am so lucky to have them as my parents and as my friends.
This book is dedicated to my husband, Ralph Tartaglione, and our two children, Alyssa and Gregory. All three of them are my daily teachers, my support, and the loves of my life. This book would never have happened without them.
to the Revised Second Edition
What a difference a decade makes. In 1998, when I wrote the first edition of From Diapers to Dating, we had not heard of MRSA, West Nile Virus, or al Qaeda, and few of us could have imagined September 11th. Our world seems both smaller and less safe than it did when I wrote the first edition of this book.
Influences on our sexuality have changed as well, necessitating an update of this book. Headlines about out of control teenagers to the contrary, the reality is that young people are actually more sexually responsible than they were fifteen years ago. Teenage pregnancies in the United States are at their lowest, dropping steadily between 1990 and 2005. Teen birth and abortion rates dropped during the same period. Teen alcohol and drug use rates also decreased.
In 1998, I wrote a small section on the Internet and children; as instant messaging, chat rooms, social networking sites, and increasingly explicit sexual materials have become more available through the Internet into our own homes, it was time to expand this section. It seems that every week we learn of adults who have been arrested in Internet stings because of their use of Internet child pornography and attempts to meet children offline. It is both more difficult and more critical to help keep our children safe from those who would hurt them. But, the growth of the Internet also means that there are ever more resources for parents to help them talk with their children about sexualityin the first edition, I listed only a few Web sites; this edition includes many more.