Table of Contents
for Debra Haffners books
BEYOND THE BIG TALK
A Parents Guide to Raising Sexually Healthy Teens
Writing in an engaging style, Haffner addresses the individual topics families face at different points in adolescence. This highly recommended resource is sure to be welcomed by parents of teenagersand future teenagerseverywhere.
Voice of Youth Advocates
Credible and reassuring, Haffner carefully articulates what the range of values might be on a particular issue, but makes it clear that it is up to parents to convey their own values to their children. Family Life Matters, Rutgers University
I recommend that parents read this book and Haffners previous one, too. Together they do an excellent job of dealing with what is probably one of the most difficult challenges we will face as parents. Chicago Parent magazine
Based on years of experience, Debra Haffner provides sound advice to parents on how to talk to their children on sensitive subjects. The book is a must read for every parent.
Michael H. Merson, M.D., Dean of Public Health,
Chairman, Department of Epidemiology and Public Health,
Yale University School of Medicine
Terrific.This wonderful handbook offers advice in a conversational tone [and] opens up a world of opportunities for connection and collaboration.
Harriet Selverstone, President of the American Association of School Librarians
FROM DIAPERS TO DATING
A Parents Guide to Raising Sexually Healthy Children
A valuable book...to develop a comfortable, ongoing constructive rapport with your children about sex. Washington Post
Accessible and forthright, this book is full of advice to help parents teach their children to feel good about themselves and their sexuality. Richmond Parents Monthly (Richmond, VA)
Realistic, practical, and informativethe best kind of guide for being a better parent.Haffner [offers] a clear-eyed assist with deciding what sexual values to impart to children, and then advice on coupling those values with accurate, age-appropriate information.
Kirkus Reviews
WHAT EVERY 21st-CENTURY PARENT NEEDS TO KNOW
Facing Todays Challenges with Wisdom and Heart
As a long-time youth advocate, I recommend that every parent and grandparent read Debra Haffners book. A parent herself, shes out there all the time listening and talking to others about their concerns. Shes smart, compassionate, and practical in this essential guide that pulls no punches about the difficulties and joys of parenting today.
Jane Fonda
Debra Haffner shows terrific sensitivity to the developmental needs of teens and the anxieties of parents with adolescents. She understands the importance of science, of common sense, and of moral values in helping parents provide guidance to young people.
John Santelli, M.D., Chair, Department of Population
and Family Health, Columbia University School of Public Health
From child development research, public health, faith traditions, and sexuality education, Debra Haffner has amassed a deep lake of knowledge.This book empowers parents [with] buckets of practical advice.
Karen Hein, M.D.,
former President, William T. Grant Foundation
To my parents, Harriet Haffner Hetherington and
Saul Haffner, for their friendship, support, and loveand
for teaching me throughout my childhood and adolescence
to celebrate the gift of my sexuality.
Writing a new book is a little like pregnancy and childbirth. To the outside world, it may seem as if only the woman is pregnant. But, if we are lucky, we are supported through our pregnancies by a much larger community as we prepare for the birth of a new child.
This book had many midwives and supporters. I am grateful to the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States for their permission to adapt sections of a monograph I edited for them, Facing Facts: Sexual Health for Americas Adolescents.
Amy Levine once again provided impeccable research assistance. She was willing to track down arcane facts and make countless trips to libraries for the articles I needed, and was eager to offer suggestions on issues to cover.
My family provided loving support as I worked on this book. Ralph, Alyssa, and Gregory encourage my desire to write and allow me time to do so. My children continue to be my inspiration, my center, and my daily teachers about how to be a better parent. I especially thank Alyssa for being the type of teenage child that every parent wants and for her willingness to have parts of her adolescence shared with my readers.
We are lucky to live within minutes of our extended family, who provide ongoing support and encouragement. My parents, Saul Haffner and Harriet Haffner Hetherington, have always been my biggest supporters and fans. Their spouses, Barbara Jay and Nelson Hetherington, have become my step-parents but more importantly my friends. My sister Jodi Wallace is my confidant, sounding board, and parenting support. My sister-in-law Pat Grande offers wise counsel, an ear to lean on, and the most fabulous bed and breakfast, Grandview in Westerly, Rhode Island, for writing and reflection.
My family of support is much larger than my blood relatives, though. My womens groupJodi, Tess, Barbara, Barbara, and Rossellahave cheered me on, helped me understand myself, and shared their parenting stories with me. More importantly, we share our lives together.
I have been working for more than twenty-five years in fields related to sexuality and adolescent health. My work has been deeply influenced by many of my colleagues in adolescent health care and sexuality: Peggy Brick, Adele Hoffman, Hillary Millar, Vince Hutchins, Bob Johnson, Bob Blum, Michael Resnick, Lynn Bearinger, Bill Yarber, Sol Gordon, Michael Carrera, Bill Stayton, James Maddox, Eli Coleman, Art Elster, Judith Senderowitz, Karen Hein, Douglas Kirby, and Beth Winship have all influenced my thinking and my understanding of adolescent sexuality, and all have encouraged my work over the years in this area.
Many people have shared their stories with me, both about their own adolescence and their experiences as teens and parents. Warm thank yous to Bill Finger, Barbara Huberman, Karen (Kitten) Gross, Ann Thompson Cook, Barbara Levi-Berliner, John Reiss, Pepper Schwartz, Brent Miller, Ledell and Don Mulvaney, Edie Moore, Emily Wallace, Dan Fanneli, Francesca Fanneli, J.D. Lalonde, Marcella Sosa, Richard Del Bello, Eliza Chard, Frank Fanneli, Steve Milender, and Kate Hanley. This is a better book because of their insights.
Several of my colleagues and dear friends generously read drafts of parts of this book and offered their comments and suggestions. Dr. Linda Bearinger, Dr. Walter Bockting, Dr. Douglas Kirby, Dr. Brent C. Miller, Monica Rodriguez, Dr. Bob Selverstone, and Dr. Pepper Schwartz offered comments, suggestions, and changes. Their contributions helped make this a better book; the errors of course are all mine. I am grateful to the people at Newmarket Press who believe in the need to educate parents; especially Esther Margolis for wanting to turn my first book into a series and Harry Burton for tirelessly helping to get the word out.
I was very lucky early in my career to have mentors who recognized something in me and believed in my capabilities long before I did. Each of them took a chance on an eager, but inexperienced young woman in her twenties. I am pleased to finally have a formal opportunity to acknowledge my debt to Peter Cott, who first promoted me at the Population Institute; Dr. John Marshall, who made me the director of a national adolescent health initiative while I was at the U.S. Public Health Service; and Mary Janney, who generously trained me to be a spokesperson at Planned Parenthood of Metropolitan Washington, D.C.