Ruth Peters - Overcoming Underachieving: A Simple Plan to Boost Your Kids Grades and End the Homework Hassles

Introduction

A s a clinical psychologist working with children and adolescents for over two decades, sometimes I think I've seen just about everythingskinny kids who want to be heavier, fat kids who dream of being stick-thin, shy children who rarely utter a word, and extroverts who can't seem to keep a thought to themselves. Little kids, grade-schoolers, teenagersyou name it, I've seen a bunch of them.

And then there's the parents, those who are too domineering and protective juxtaposed with believers in a laissez-faire, let 'em sink-or-swim philosophy of child rearing. Parents who are afraid to discipline and those who are just itching to grab a switch. Young parents (still kids themselves), thirtysomethings, middle-agers, as well as grandparents who are starting over raising their grandkids as their own.

I've seen lots of problems as well as solutions, pain as well as joy. And I've come to realize that we're all in this together. Raising kids truly is a community effort with influences from teachers, preachers, pediatricians, in-laws, as well as peers.

As a parent myself, I've experienced indecision and regret, weakness and strength. I have reveled in my own kids achievements and marveled at their talents, as well as becoming frustrated during moments of stubbornness or rebellion. I've come to the conclusion, both as a mom and a psychologist, that we're all in the same boatsearching for ways to promote our children to achieve as well as to become self-sufficient.

Over the years, though, I've witnessed a disturbing trend in the types of kids coming to my office for help. Not only do they seem to be more rebellious than their predecessors a decade ago, but their academic motivation and willingness to do whatever it takes to succeed in school seems to be declining. These children lack organizational skills, are not particularly interested in managing their time appropriately, and seem not to care about the grades that they receive. Their folks, on the other hand, are becoming increasingly concerned, generally reacting by nagging, hand-wringing, grounding, or just plain giving up.

As a result of this trend toward underachievement and the resulting family problems, I've developed a program for my clients consisting of study skills and organizational techniques that I teach to the kids, as well as behavior management guidelines for their parents to use to motivate their children. I've found that both parts are necessary for kids to achieve good gradesyour son can learn brilliant organizational skills, but unless he's motivated to use them on a consistent basis, he probably won't. Plain and simple.

And that's how and why I've come to specialize in the area of motivating underachieving students. Seeing good minds wasted due to procrastination, disorganization, or laziness is just not acceptable and we, as parents, must be the ones to step in and guide our kids. My efforts take the form not only of this book, but also of years of lecturing throughout the country to parents, educators, and mental health workers about jump-starting their kids academic efforts. I've served as the Study Skills Consultant to Sylvan Learning Systems nationwide and I have written magazine articles and numerous newspaper columns on this subject. I've also taken my passion to national television, discussing this issue on shows ranging from Oprah to Montel Williams and serving as a contributor to Good Morning America and Later Today.

And I believe that my efforts are paying off. Not only to do the kids in my private practice sport better grades, but I receive gratifying letters from folks who've used my system and are not only grateful for the better grades, but also for the family harmony that results.

In this book I give to you my study skills program for use with your own family. I will teach you how to take charge and to motivate your kids to develop the skills and self-control necessary to succeed in today's academic environment. Through the following chapters you'll be introduced to the six types of underachieving kids that I most often see in my practice. Your child will either fit neatly into one category or may display a blend of behaviors of two or even three types. A short quiz will help you to decide what type of underachiever your child is and the kinds of behaviors you can expect.

As well as identifying the style of your student, you'll be introduced to the six most common mistakes parents make in dealing with their academically frustrating kids. Are you a leave-it-to-the-teacher type of parent, depending solely upon the school to motivate your child? Or do you believe in peace-at-any-price, crossing your fingers and hoping the kid does his homework and stays on top of things without any fuss from you? A quiz will help you to gain insight into which parenting mistakes you're making and you'll see how both you and your child have fallen into ineffective study patterns.

Once you've reviewed the various types of underachieving kids and the mistakes that parents typically make, I'll present the parenting style that works best for all kids that of the benevolent dictator. This type of parenting is not only fair, but it gets the results that you wantkids actively participating in making appropriate goals and fulfilling their responsibilities. (By the way, this parenting style is also great for getting children to make their beds and to take out the dog!)

Next we'll review some basic behavioral techniques for effective parenting that work