Faber Adele - How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

30thAnniversary Edition

Updated with new insights from the next generation

YOU CAN STOP FIGHTING WITH YOUR CHILDREN!

Here is the bestselling book that will give you the know-how you need to be more effective with your childrenand more supportive of yourself. Enthusiastically praised by parents and professionals around the world, the down-to-earth, respectful approach of Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish makes relationships with children of all ages less stressful and more rewarding . Now, in this thirtieth-anniversary edition, these award-winning experts share their latest insights and suggestions based on feedback theyve received over the years.

Their methods of communicationillustrated with delightful cartoons showing the skills in actionoffer innovative ways to solve common problems. Youll learn how to:

Cope with your childs negative feelings
frustration, disappointment, anger, etc.

Express your anger without being hurtful

Engage your childs willing cooperation

Set firm limits and still maintain goodwill

Use alternatives to punishment

Resolve family conflicts peacefully

Internationally acclaimed experts on communication between adults and children, ADELE FABER and ELAINE MAZLISH have won the gratitude of parents and the enthusiastic endorsement of the professional community. The authors group workshop programs and videos produced by PBS are being used by parents and teachers around the world to improve relationships with children. They studied with the late child psychologist Dr. Haim Ginott and are former members of the faculty of the New School for Social Research and the Family Life Institute of Long Island University. They currently reside in Long Island, New York, and each is the parent of three children.

MEET THE AUTHORS, WATCH VIDEOS AND MORE AT
SimonandSchuster.com
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JACKET DESIGN BY REX BONOMELLI
JACKET ILLUSTRATION BY KIMBERLY ANN COE
COPYRIGHT 2012 SIMON & SCHUSTER

Other Books by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

Between Brothers and Sisters:
A Celebration of Lifes Most Enduring Relationship

Liberated Parents/Liberated Children:
Your Guide to a Happier Family

Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children
Live Together So You Can Live Too

How to Talk So Kids Can Learn: At Home and at School

How to Be the Parent You Always Wanted to Be

How to Talk So Teens Will Listen
& Listen So Teens Will Talk

Books for Children

Bobby and the Brockles

Bobby and the Brockles Go to School

Visit Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish at
www.fabermazlish.com

Scribner
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1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020
www.simonandschuster.com

Copyright 1980 by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.
Afterword to 1999 edition by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.
Afterword to 2012 edition by Joanna Faber.

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book
or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information address Scribner Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.

First Scribner hardcover edition February 2012

SCRIBNER and design are registered trademarks
of The Gale Group, Inc., used under license by
Simon & Schuster, Inc., the publisher of this work.

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Library of Congress Control Number: 80051248

ISBN 978-1-4516-6387-7
ISBN 978-1-4516-6389-1 (ebook)

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To Leslie Faber and Robert Mazlish, our consultants-in-residence, who were always there for uswith a better phrase, a new thought, a word of encouragement.

To Carl, Joanna, and Abram Faber, to Kathy, Liz, and John Mazlish, who cheered us onjust by being who they are.

To Kimberly Coe, who took our stick figures and scribbled instructions and sent us back drawings of parents and children for whom we felt immediate affection.

To Robert Markel for his support and guidance at a critical time.

To Gerard Nierenberg, friend and advisor, who gave generously of his experience and expertise.

To the parents in our workshops for their thoughtful feedback and written contributions.

To Ann Marie Geiger and Patricia King for giving of themselves unstintingly when we needed them.

To Jim Wade, our editor, whose unflagging good spirits and concern for quality made him a joy to work with.

To Dr. Haim Ginott, who introduced us to new ways of communicating with children. When he died, the children of the world lost a great champion. He cared so much that there be no more scratches on their souls.

Dear Reader,

The last thing we ever thought wed be doing was writing a how-to book on communication skills for parents. The relationship between each parent and child is a very personal and private matter. The idea of giving anyone instructions on how to talk in such a close relationship just didnt feel right to us. In our first book, Liberated Parents/Liberated Children , we tried not to teach or preach. We had a story to tell. Our years of workshops with the late child psychologist Dr. Haim Ginott had affected our lives deeply. We were sure that if we told the story of how our new skills had changed the way we treated both our children and ourselves, that our readers would catch the spirit behind the skills and be inspired to improvise on their own.

To some extent it did work that way. Many parents wrote to tell us proudly of what they had been able to accomplish in their homes just from reading about our experiences. But there were other letters, and a common appeal ran through them all. They wanted a second booka book with lessons... practice exercises... rules of thumb... tear-out reminder pages... some kind of materials that would help them to learn the skills step-by-step.

For a while we considered the idea seriously, but our initial resistance returned and we pushed the thought to the back of our minds. Besides, we were too busy concentrating on the speeches and workshops we were preparing for our lecture tours.