Ian Doescher - MacTrump: a Shakespearean tragicomedy of the Trump administration, Part I

Our characters Prosperosi and Desdivanka enjoy honorific titles for military services never detailed in the play nor analogous to reality. The most advanced technology in our drama is a mirror. The United States does not exist in this play, and never did, but ghosts and monsters do. In short, if any of our characters sound smarter, stupider, similar, or dissimilar to any celebrity or public figure, alive or dead, theres a reason: this book is a parody, and the First Amendment loves protecting parodies that know they belong squarely in the fiction sectionwhich this book surely does. Some of the events in this drama will be instantly familiar to you. Some might sound real but are taken out of sequence in the context of our deliberately conflated and expanded timeline.

Still other moments might make you ask yourself: Did that really happen? The answer is probably no, but dont take our word for it. Thats what your friends, teachers, libraries, and search engines are for. We wrote this play to provide a glimpse into how a deceased seventeenth-century English playwright might have viewed the world today if forced to live through its present craziness. As such, please accept this as a work of fiction, a satire, and an homage to the life and writings of William Shakespeare. Enjoy the show! THE AUTHORS

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

CHORUS, across social media M AC TRUMP, President of the United Fiefdoms LADY M AC TRUMP, his third wife DAME DESDIVANKA, daughter to MacTrump and wife to Lord Kushrew DONNISON and ERICSON, sons to MacTrump LORD JARED KUSHREW, husband to Desdivanka M C TWEET, a messenger STEPHEN BANNOX and LADY KELLEYANNE BOLEYN, advisors GARGAMILLER, a magician SEAN SPICERO and LADY SARAH PUCKABEE, heralds GRAND DUKE JEFFREY SECESSIONS, Minister of Justice SIR RODNEY ROSENSTERN, Deputy Minister of Justice SIR MICHAEL POMPEII, Secretary of State SIR MICHAEL FLYNNALDO and SIR JOHN M AC KEELEY, generals PAULUS ROMANAFORT, a courtier MICHAEL L A CHEN, a lawyer FOOLIANI, a fool DOCTOR PINO ENOS, a doctor ROGER BLACKSTONE, a hatchet man REINCE PUBIS, a partisan LORD MICHAEL POUND, Viceroy of the United Fiefdoms LADY POUND, his wife SIR ROBERT OF M AC MUELLER, an investigator LORD CHIEF JUSTICE JOHN OF ROBERTSON, Lord President of the High Court MITCH M AC TUTTLE, GRIMSBY LINDSEYLOCKS, CHARLES SOOTHER, and BERNICARUS, senators LADY NANCY PROSPEROSI, LADY CLEOSANDRIA OCASSIO, and SPEAKER PRYAM, parliamentarians BANQUO OBAMA, GEORGE THE GREATER, BILLIAM OCLINTON, GEORGE THE LESSER, RONALD REGAN, RICHARD THE WORST, DWIGHT D. EISENPOWER, HARRY S.

TRUEMAN, FRANKLIN ROSSEVELT, WILLIAM FALSTAFT, and THEODORE ROSSEVELT, former Presidents of the United Fiefdoms LORD JOSEPH OBIDEN, former Viceroy to OBama VLAD PUTAIN, Czar of Prussia ROBERT WORMWOOD, a journalist LADY JUSTINE and LADY MARIANNE, progressives and roommates JOURNALISTS, SENATORS, PARLIAMENTARIANS, SUPPORTERS, PROTESTORS, SPECTATORS, GENERALS, ADMIRALS, SOLDIERS, PILOTS, POLICE, FEDERAL WORKERS, GUARDS, JUDGES, GHOSTS, TROLLS, BOTS, SNOLLYGOSTERS, GERRYMANDERS, and OTHER MONSTERS

PROLOGUE.

Washingtown, the United Fiefdoms, in the New World.Enter CHORUS .

CHORUS

One nation, under God, divides in twain Half to the right, their power on the rise, Half to the left, in fury and disdain Two peoples held by aging, fragile ties. Is this America, which once, so proud, Above the height of lesser nations stood? How hath there come this overwhelming cloud To darken freedoms light, so pure and good? Election, like an axe assaults a stump, Hath torn the country easily in two. And, from the wreckage, riseth one MacTrump, Whose government begins with much ado. If thou hast humor, hear our history, Which may prove comedy or tragedy. [Exit.

SCENE 1.

The streets of Washingtown in winter.Enter M C T WEET , writing on a scroll of parchment with a blue quill.

M C TWEET

All politics is but a theater, And all the politicians merely actors; They read their lines and play their fleeting parts In pageants we the people judge by vote.

It hath been dubbd a great experiment But is, in truth, a motley entertainment The perfect spectacle in which some knave May strut and fret his feathers on the stage And single-handedly may steal the show Een if those hands be orangish and small. [McTweet sticks his quill in his cap.