Ian Doescher - William Shakespeare's The Empire Striketh Back

William Shakespeares

The Empire Striketh Back

by Ian Doescher

FOR MURRAY BIGGS:

THE YODA TO MY LUKE

FOR JOSH HICKS:

SOUNDING BOARD AND JEDI KNIGHT

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

Prologue.

O, tis for the Rebellion a dark time.
For though they have the Death Star all destroyd,
Imperil troops did from the ashes climb
And push the rebels closer to the void.
Across the galaxy pursud with speed,
The rebels flee thImperil Starfleet vast.
A group with Luke Skywalker in the lead
Hath to the ice world known as Hoth flown fast.
Meanwhile, the cruel Darth Vader is obsessd
With finding young Skywalker. Thus he hath
Through evry point of space begun his quest
By sending robot probes to aid his wrath.
In time so long ago begins our play,
In war-torn galaxy far, far away.

Act I

Scene 1.

If flurries be the food of quests, snow on.
Belike upon this Hoth, this barren rock,
My next adventure waits. Tis time shall tell.
And yet, is it adventure that I seek?
Shall danger, fear, and action fill my days?
Shall all my life be spent in keen pursuit
Of great adventure and her fickle fame?
It seemeth I have had enough of life
To fill a thousand normal human lives
A princess in a vision spake to me,
My aunt and uncle by stormtroopers slain,
A hasty flight from my home, Tatooine,
A pilot and a Wookiee and a Knight,
A rescue brave within our cruel foes grasp,
My teacher killd, and then the final scene:
The Death Star battlemany friends were lost,
But in the end a greater war was won.
Adventure hath both taken from my life,
And given to me evrything I have.
And thus I seek and shun its tempting ways.
Een now adventure knocks upon the door:
A flaming orb hath struck the ground nearby.
Is it a portent of some ill to come?
[Into comlink:] Tis Echo-Three to Echo-Seven: Han,
My true companion eer, canst thou hear me?

[through comlink:] Aye, truly, chuck, thy voice rings loud and clear.
What can I do for thee, my noble friend?

My circle round the area hath been
Completed now, but naught of life nor forms
Of life my scan hath yet uncoverd.

[through comlink:]Nay.
There is not life enough upon this cube
Of ice to fill an empty space cruiser.
The sensors have I put in place, so shall
I now return unto the base.

Tis well,
And I, forsooth, shall soon meet with thee there.
But I have spied a metorite that hath
Its landing made near here. So shall I go
And fix my eyes upon the scene. Ill not
Be long, I warrant; then, I shall return.

You viewers all, whose gentle hearts do fear
The smallest womp rat creeping on the floor,
May now perchance both quake and tremble here,
When wampa rough in wildest rage doth roar.
Pray know that I a wampa simple am,
And take no pleasure in my angry mood.
Though with great force this young ones face I slam,
I prithee know I strike but for my food.

Alas, is this thadventure I am due,
To die upon a vicious monsters whim?
I am attackd by this awful beast!
O fate most wretchedshall I be his feast?

Scene 2.

A scoundrel may not rise above his place
This is a fact the galaxy doth teach.
For een though I have joind rebellions ranks
These many weeks and months, and gaind respect
Within their noble band, my scoundrel past
Doth make its harsh demands upon my life.
The bounty hunters sent by Jabba make
Pursuit to win the price upon my head.
So must I go once more unto the depths
Of my old life, find Jabba of the Hutt
And pay his ransom, thus to free my soul.
I would not leave my noble rebel friends,
I would not leave the cause for which they fight,
I would not leave the princess and her charm,
I would not leave all these, and yet I must.
A lifes not well lived under threat of death,
Especially with men of cruel intent
Who for a price shall fill the Hutts demands
Upon the trail of my indebtedness.
And so, my mate Chewbacca and I leave
Upon the instant that the ship is set to go.

I say, Chewbacca, ho! Aye, Chewie!

Auugh!

Lose not thy temper, gentle Wookiee, nay,
But practice patience; I shall help thee soon.

Egh, auugh, egh.

Solo, wouldst thou speak with me?

Good general, the sensors are in place,
And surely shalt thou know if aught comes near
Our hidden station here.

Well. Prithee say,
Commander Skywalker, hath he yet made
Report?

Nay, truly. He hath gone to see
A metorite that hath made landfall near.

With all the metorites afalling in
This system, I believe we shall have pains
And trouble in detecting proaching ships.

[aside:] How shall I tell my news most difficult,
And crush this mans great hopes for whats ahead?
Fear not, O heart, but be direct and calm:
Tis best approachd straight on, like thKessel Run.
[To Rieekan:] My general, I cannot stay. I must
Make haste and get me hence, een now.

[aside:]Alack,
How like a death knell sounds this news to me!

I tell thee truly when I say to thee:
This news doth break this genrals gentle soul.
I could not be more sorry, pilot brave.

A price still lies upon my head, and if
I do not make amends with Jabba, I
Shall not repay with money, nay, but life.

A price too dear, indeed! A death mark is
No kind companion to a free mans life.
Thou art a warrior noble, Solo, and
I hate to lose thee.

And thou art a kind,
Good general, sirrah, I hate to go.