Lenore Look - Allergic to Girls, School, and Other Scary Things

CONTENTS

This book belongs to Sam Fisher, who inspired it.
L.L.

To all the little Year of the Pigs born last year, including two of my favorites: my nephew, Dylan, and, of course, my own little Leo.
L.P.

AUTHORS ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live.Henry David Thoreau, journal entry, 19 August 1851

Those who have stood with me:

Madison Chen, whose reading is always invaluable.

Ann Kelley, who waited patiently for this book while I procrastinated.

Vivian Low Fisher, who shared Sam with me.

Many thanks also to:

Guillermo Francisco Nahoe, who threw the original, errant, eponymous baseball.

Jennifer Martin, Sams teacher, for letting me come to class.

Dr. Eliza Shipon-Blum, for her insight into selective mutism.

The Concord Public Schools, for teaching Henry David Thoreau in the second grade.

Johnny Look, for having a really strange goldfish.

the first thing you should know about me is that my name is Alvin Ho.

I am afraid of many things.

Elevators.

Tunnels.

Bridges.

Airplanes.

Thunder.

Substitute teachers.

Kimchi.

Wasabi.

The dark.

Heights.

Scary movies.

Scary dreams.

Shots.

School.

If there were no school, my troubles would blast away, just like that. I would dig holes all day. I would play catch with my gunggung. I would watch cooking shows. I would keep an eye on things. It would be fantastic!

The second thing you should know about me is that even though I am afraid of many things, I am not afraid of anything that explodes. I love explosions. I was practically born with gunpowder in my blood! This is on account of I live in Concord, Massachusetts, which is hard to spell, but where there were explosions all over the place, when the American Revolutionary War started way before I was born.

The third thing you should know about me is that I have a dog named Lucy and a brother named Calvin and a sister named Anibelly, who messes with my sticks and toys, eats my food, drinks my chocolate milk and gets in my way.

I am not as big as Calvin, but I am bigger than Anibelly, who isnt a baby anymore but doesnt go to school yet. I am sort of nearly almost medium... when I stand on tiptoe and stretch at the same time, I am finally almost visible in my class picture!

The fourth thing you should know about me is that I love Plastic Man, Wonder Woman, the Green Lantern, Concrete Man, Aquaman, King Henry V and all the superheroes in the world. I know them from reading with my dad every night while my mom runs on the treadmill like a hamster on a wheel. My dad is a great reader for his age, which could be fifty or one hundred, its hard to tell. He wears reading glasses and always puts one arm around me and his other arm around Anibelly and Calvin for support, on account of when you get to be that old, it is hard to do anything by yourself.

The fifth thing you should know about me is that once upon a time, before I went to school, I was a superhero. I was Firecracker Man! I ran around our house, full speed ahead, screaming at the top of my lungs while beating on a garbage can lid. I was as noisy as a firecracker on Chinese New Year! My costume was great (my gunggung made it).

But now I am Firecracker Man only on weekends and holidays. Theres just no time for it.

Being a superhero is hard work. You have to save the world. But going to school is even harder. You have to save yourself. Most days I can hardly even make it to the school bus. And when I arrive at school, I cant think. I cant read. I cant smile. I cant sing. I cant scream.

I cant even talk.

The sixth thing you should know about me is that I have never spoken a word in school. Even when I try with all my might, I always manage to say nothing at all. My voice works at home. It works in the car. It even works on the school bus. But as soon as I get to school... I am as silent as a side of beef.

Youre like a piece of frozen sausage fallen off the truck, my brother, Calvin, likes to say. It is true. I am something like that.

No one really knows why I lose my voice at school, since I come from a long line of farmer-warriors who havent had a scaredy bone in their bodies since 714 AD. In China my ancient grandpas and grandmas and aunts and uncles fought off leopards and tigers in their gardens the way Calvin and Anibelly and I fight off mosquitoes at Walden Pond. They werent afraid of anything. I am afraid of everything.

it was the last day of summer vacation and Calvin and I were in our room getting ready for the first day of school. He was going into the fourth grade and I was heading into second. Calvin was on the computer and I was sitting on my bed going over my PDKPersonal Disaster Kit.

When youre afraid of everything, its very important to carry a PDK. Its like a PFD, a Personal Flotation Device, only heavier and with more parts. A PDK begins with the right box. It must not be too big, like a shoe box, or too small, like a Band-Aid tin. A handle on it is good, but a lock is bad on account of it will keep you out when you need to get in. I use a waterproof fly box with compartments, which is just perfect.

You can put anything in a PDK, but mostly it should be things that are useful in a disaster, such as:

	A whistle. If I lose my voice, a whistle is very handy.
	A three-leaf clover (because I couldnt find a four-leaf one).
	Garlic. For fending off vampires and teachers.
	Dental floss. Handy for trapping, wrapping, tying and hanging things (out of Anibellys reach).