Lenore Look - Alvin Ho: Allergic to Camping, Hiking, and Other Natural Disasters

But you wont know all about me, so that is why there is now this second book. In case you missed it, my name is Alvin Ho. I was born scared and I am still scared. Things that scare me include: Long words (especially hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia, which means fear of long words). Punctuation. (Except for exclamation points! Exclamations are fantastic!!!) The dark (which means I have nyctophobia).

The great outdoors. (Whats so great about it?) Lots of things can happen when youre outdoors: Hurricanes. Tornadoes. Mudslides. Landslides. I am scared of many more things than that. I am scared of many more things than that.

But if I put all my scares on one list, it would mean years of therapy for me. And I already go to therapy once a month on account of its supposed to help me not be so scared. But my brother Calvin says when youre born a certain way, thats the way youll always be, so you might as well hug your inner scaredy-cat. My brother Calvin, he gives good advice. I am not so good with advice. I can never think of any, except maybe this: When in doubt, always ask, What would Henry do? Henry is Henry David Thoreau.

Hes a dead author, which is really creepy But he is also our school hero, which is not so creepy, and he was a lot like mehe had stuff figured out, even when he was little. He was born in Concord, Massachusetts, just like me. Andgulphe died in Concord too. Of course, I could never say, What would Henry do? at school, where I never say anything. This is on account of school is mortifying. And when I am mortified, which means totally scared to death, I cant scream, I cant talk, I cant even grunt.

Nothing comes out of my mouth, no matter how hard I try. Having a lot in common with Henry can be very useful. For example, we learned in music class today that Henry played the flute. And whenever he played, a mouse would come to listen, and Henry would feed it with the extra pieces of cheese that he kept in his pocket. My brother has a flute, I told the gang on the bus after school. He rented it for lessons and we have cheese in the refrigerator.

Lets go, said Pinky. So when the bus stopped at the end of my driveway, the gang followed me to my house. Usually, it is a tricky business getting them to play with me unless it is Pinkys idea. Pinky is the biggest boy and the leader of the gang, and no one plays with me unless Pinky does. Except for Flea. Flea plays with me no matter what.

But the problem with Flea is that shes a girl. And girls are annoying. Fortunately, my mom was at work and my gunggung, who comes to watch us after school, was fast asleep on the sofa. So I left the gang in the kitchen and tiptoed past the sofa to fetch Calvins flute from the top of the piano where he had put it for safekeeping. No problem. Thats Calvins, said Anibelly. I stopped. I stopped.

I pretended I didnt see Anibelly. But it is hard not to see her. Shes like a stoplight in the middle of my life and theres just no avoiding her. I cant go anywhere without going past her or taking her with me if Im in a hurry. But Calvins practicing his karate moves at Stevies house, I said. And I need his flute for a little experiment.

What spearmint? asked Anibelly. Well, you live in Concord, Massachusetts, dont you? I asked. Anibelly nodded. You believe in Henry David Thoreau, dont you? Anibelly nodded again. Well, then, if you keep quiet, I said, Ill let you watch. So Anibelly kept quiet.

First I put Calvins flute together. Then I went back into the kitchen where the gang was waiting and looked for some cheese. Actually there was quite a lot of cheese, all chopped up and zipped inside a plastic bag. It was very yummy. And we were hungrier than a pack of starving mice. By the time we finished snacking, there were only a few crumbs left to put in my pocket.

But I was sure that our teacher, Miss P, had said that Henry had pieces of cheese, not crumbs. Id heard pieces too, not crumbs, said Sam, who usually always pays better attention in class than I do. A mouse isnt going to come for crumbs. So we cobbled all our crumbs together to make a piece of cheese, which I put in my pocket. Then I picked up Calvins flute, put it to my lips and blew. Pshhhhhffffffffrrrrrrrrrrr. It sounded like a sick worm blowing its nose.

So I blew again, harder. Pshhhhhhrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Lemme try, said Pinky, snatching the flute and the piece of cobbled cheese from my pocket. Pssssssssuuurrrgggggh! He sounded worse than I did! Then Nhia took a turn. Then Sam. Then Jules and Eli and Hobson. By the time Calvins flute was finally passed to Flea, it was drooling worse than our dog, Lucy, on a hot day, and the cobbled cheese that ended up in her pocket was hardly recognizable as cheese, except for the smell.

Worse, there was no mouse anywhere. It was not a good sign. Even worse, a car was pulling into our driveway with Calvin inside. Youre busted now, said Anibelly. Alvin Ho! said Flea. This is gross! Im going home.

Then Flea handed me the flute, picked up her backpack and marched off, just like that. If there is anything good about Flea it is this: She knows when to call it quits. But the gang did not. The problem is that we need to be outside in the woods, said Nhia, who can figure things out like a detective. Henry took his flute on his walks in the woods, where there are not only mice, but chipmunks and squirrels and bats. Thats how Henry did it.

Whos coming to Walden Woods with me? asked Pinky. No one moved. No one said a word. Then Pinky turned and headed for the door. Last one there is a chicken butt! he said. And before I knew it, the gang rushed out.

If I were not scared of the woods, or if I had had on my Firecracker Man gear, I would have run after them. Firecracker Man isnt afraid of anything, but I am afraid of everything, especially the woodsthey are full of trees. And Walden Woods, behind my house, is the creepiest of allit is full of big stones too, carved with the words of Henry David Thoreau and other gulpdead people. If you read their words and stay long enough, you can even feel them sitting around, having a chat. Lucky for me, the gang forgot the flute.